Need Help From Nurses In Recovery!

wubbzy · Sep 12, 2008

There are lots of medical professionals who do not understand especially if they haven't been thru it. Stick with us who understand. I try to remain "HOW" (Honest, Openminded, and Willing).

bossynurse101 · Sep 12, 2008

UPDATE - anyone interested in an update on my little crisis, go to the "Need Help from Nurses in Recovery" thread.

I am sooooooo glad you all are here and I am sooooo glad that I am "here" too. Copy%20of%20wink.gif

Tweety, BSN, RN · Sep 14, 2008

I'm sure you've heard "stick with the winners". I agree wtih wubbzy and stick wtih those of us who understand. There is so much I wanted to say in that thread and others about the judgementalism, lack of empathy and flat out ignorance but stayed out it - my personal inventory is enough for me, so I can't worry about them. LOL

SassyErRn · Sep 14, 2008

i read that post on the general nursing forum after reading that there was a thread about substance abuse pts. it upset me as well to read what other nurses think of addicts. i did like reading a reply saying that a drug addicted pt is also a human being with needs. i too am frustrated how someone said we are choosing this way of life. i did have a hard time believeing that my addiction was a disease but when piecing together the puzzle of my life, it made sense. it will probally never really be accepted as a disease, such as cancer, to the public. i think it goes along with how "outsiders" see addicts--dirty, living on the street, stealing, etc. and those false thoughts are also how addicts defend their addiction, i know i did. it just took some eye opening to realize that and addict could be a successful, caring, hardworking nurse, as am i.

i was working in the er when my addiction became active and i hated to hear my co-workers talk about frequent fliers and how this pt or that pt was only wanting pain meds. it was such a negative thing and although i did see pt's who were a pain in the ass who i just felt were not making attempts to get clean, i still knew how they were feeling and how helpless they felt. i would never of told any of my coworkers about my issue but in my head i would think "you are working with someone who is an addict yet you would never talk to or think of me in the ways you do drug seekers". it kinda makes me smile that i hid my addiction so well that all the health professionals i worked with never had a clue. i just would hope that when a nurse does find out about a coworkers addiction that they realize it can happen to anyone and eventhough WE know an addict is an addict, outsiders don't realize that not every addict is a homeless junkie.

my comfort comes in knowing i can meet weekly with other healthcare pros with addictions and know i am not alone. this forum is an excellent proof that addiction does not happen to only certain people. it might frustrate us to hear what other nurses have to say about these issues but what is most improtant is that we know we are not alone and there is life after these hardships.

bossynurse101 · Sep 14, 2008

If you were here right now, I'd give you such a big hug :loveya:

wubbzy · Sep 15, 2008

If you were here right now, I'd give you such a big hug :loveya:

DITTO!!!! :bow:

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Sep 15, 2008

That makes three of us, at least!!

ERRN92 · Oct 3, 2008

[How many times do I hear about the "compassion" that nurses possess. Oh, I guess that's reserved for seniors, babies, and oncology pts, right? I am pretty upset over this....

I also learned very quickly how far our "compassion" as nurses go. We pride ourselves on helping others - but just as long as "others" dont include our coworkers. Like many of the rest of you, I worked in an Er (very stressful and the access was just too easy). Before I became addicted, I was one of those nurses who would roll her eyes when a "frequent flier" looking for pain meds would roll through the doors. I dont know how many lectures I gave on drug/alcohol abuse and turning your life around...now here I am on the other side of the fence. I see addiction in a whole new light. No one wants this for themselves and if a lecture from a total stranger would have made me change my mind- i would never be in the position I am now.

I have been clean for 3yrs now. I had to quit the Nurse Recovery program because its was so expensive and I just went through a divorce, making it even harder to pay. Here in MS, the program is 5yrs., 1.5yrs on giving narcs, no critical care areas, no overtime. 1 nurse support meeting/wk, 3 12-step programs/wk, 1 after care meeting/wk (for 1yr), anywhere from 1-8 urine drug tests/mo, meet in person with the board 1xmo...soo expensive. Anyway, Im now taking paralegal courses to hopefully work with lawfirms dealing in medical malpractice, personal inj. type cases...at least my nursing experience wont go to waste and i will feel better not ever working in a clinical setting. Glad you guys are here.

jackstem · Oct 3, 2008

It is sad how nurses seem to "eat their own." I no longer practice because of my disease which became active over 18 years ago. I lost my profession (a CRNA) a marriage, and almost my life because of this disease.

This past Wednesday (Oct. 1) was the 18th anniversary of the day I accidentally OD'd on sufentanil. My youngest daughter had forgotten her swim suit for swim lessons. She told Mom that "Daddy is a funny blue color." I have no recollection of the event, but it's the thing that got me in to treatment the first time (yeah, I'm a hard head!). It finally took getting busted and pleading to several felonies to make me realize I was going to die if I didn't "get recovery."

My youngest, the one who saved me, is also recovering with 2 years clean and sober! (I celebrated 13.5 years C&S this past Sunday) I would have been totally lost on how to deal with my daughter's addiction if I hadn't been through it myself. Her mother, my ex, STILL doesn't get it, and she's an intelligent, ICU nurse. Despite the huge increase in knowledge regarding the pathophysiology of addiction over the past 20 years, this information never seems to make it to the clinician. Could it be the stigma of the disease seems to make it "acceptable" to discriminate against the addict? If we're "those KIND of people", then it's OK to refuse to treat us since we obviously did it to ourselves! HOGWASH!!!

I've been the senior peer advisor for CRNAs in Ohio for the past 3 years, and was appointed chair of the Peer Assistance and Practitioner Wellness Committee a year ago. We are making steady progress in getting the word out to our anesthesia colleagues. My fellow peer advisor and I speak to all of the incoming students about the risk of substance abuse and addiction associated with the practice of anesthesia at Ohio's 5 anesthesia training programs.

Unfortunately, the board of nursing in Ohio has taken several giant steps backward in the way they deal with impaired nurses. I attended the state board meeting a couple of weeks ago and the lack of knowledge and understanding by several board members is appalling, and they have "advanced" degrees! Right now a nurse that get's reported to the board will most likely face disciplinary measures instead of receiving treatment by entering the alternative to discipline program.

I'm in the process of registering a consulting business for impaired nurses. I'm taking a page out of the politician's playbook. Since they seem to be able to get people to believe a lie by simply repeating it over and over again, I'm going to be telling a truth...addiction is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that CAN BE TREATED...over and over again...to everyone! Recovery is possible when treatment is appropriate and the addict wants to recover. Returning to the practice of nursing is also possible after an appropriate treatment program, aftercare, and a return to work contract that spells out the specifics of what is required to return to practice (drug screens, naltrexone for opioid addicts, specific number of support group meetings/week, attendance at a "caduceus" support group if available, etc). One of the ways those of us in recovery can help spread the message is to request presentations on the DISEASE of addiction at CEU conferences. Speaking out as recovering nurses (when we're ready) will also help remove the stigma associated with this disease. As William Cope Moyers says in his book, "Broken: My Story of Addiction and Redemption"...

"In the end, when we don't stand up and speak out, we hide behind our recoveries, we sustain the most harmful myth about the disease - that it is hopeless."

It's NOT hopeless. WE are living proof!

One day at a time!

Feel free to give a holler anytime.

Jack

ASUME00 · Oct 7, 2008

I was was lucky to return to a work environment that was understanding of my disease. I practice in the state of VA, and one of the stipulations is no narcotic access in the beginning. Since my drugs of choice were opiates I welcomed this restraint. My main concern was my co-workers who would now have to carry the load of dosing my patients with PRN meds. At least to my face they were understanding and would even ask me questions regarding the disease to better their understanding. This of course was in a small hospital where I knew almost everyone. The attitudes towards addicts seems to carry a blanketed stigma of misunderstanding. Even with the board that governs me.

Like previous respondents, I lost my marriage, career, financial stability and feared the loss of my child. I ended my marriage after going into recovery because my husband refused to accept that I had a disease. He could not understand why I would "chose" to destroy my life. I did everything that the board and the Intervention program asked of me and returned to work. I quickly rose up the clinical ladder and began to focus on management. During my second year back and in the middle of a nasty divorce, the unthinkable happened. While getting our home ready to sell I made a huge mistake. I had had a horrible cold for a few days and in order to meet our sale deadline I grabbed cough medicine from the cabinet and took it. The next morning I thought nothing of going to do a drug screen and reported early in the morning. Two days later I was informed that I had tested positive for ETOH and to refrain from work. I was then removed from the monitoring program and told to await the boards decision. It took them two and half years to hold a conference on my behalf. I had written off nursing all together before that. Now they told me that if I signed another contract they would let me back.

Honestly, I am terrified to get back on that horse. I signed a contract a month ago and have started through the motions once again. Anybody out there that has gone through this twice?

NurseExec · Oct 7, 2008

As a nurse with both a mental illness (bipolar disease) and the disease of alcohol addiction, I am absolutely floored (still, after 9 years sober) at the attitude of our many in our profession to addiction and mental illness.

The disease of alcoholism caused me to lose a marriage, my daughter, and my career as an open heart nurse. A few days after I took myself to detox, I called the Board of Nursing and reported myself as an impaired nurse, because I HAD NO CLUE HOW TO STAY SOBER IN THIS PROFESSION. They hooked me up with a rehab that specialized in health care professionals, and gave me the support and accountability to help me stay sober. I will be forever grateful.

I'd love to see a peer to peer type program regarding addiction that works with nursing schools. I've never heard of one, and I think it's something that is sorely needed.

Sadly enough, one of my best friends in nursing school died of an overdose of dilaudid that she diverted only 6 months out of school. I didn't find out until after I was sober.

I couldn't help thinking....but for the Grace of God, go I.