I was was lucky to return to a work environment that was understanding of my disease. I practice in the state of VA, and one of the stipulations is no narcotic access in the beginning. Since my drugs of choice were opiates I welcomed this restraint. My main concern was my co-workers who would now have to carry the load of dosing my patients with PRN meds. At least to my face they were understanding and would even ask me questions regarding the disease to better their understanding. This of course was in a small hospital where I knew almost everyone. The attitudes towards addicts seems to carry a blanketed stigma of misunderstanding. Even with the board that governs me. Like previous respondents, I lost my marriage, career, financial stability and feared the loss of my child. I ended my marriage after going into recovery because my husband refused to accept that I had a disease. He could not understand why I would "chose" to destroy my life. I did everything that the board and the Intervention program asked of me and returned to work. I quickly rose up the clinical ladder and began to focus on management. During my second year back and in the middle of a nasty divorce, the unthinkable happened. While getting our home ready to sell I made a huge mistake. I had had a horrible cold for a few days and in order to meet our sale deadline I grabbed cough medicine from the cabinet and took it. The next morning I thought nothing of going to do a drug screen and reported early in the morning. Two days later I was informed that I had tested positive for ETOH and to refrain from work. I was then removed from the monitoring program and told to await the boards decision. It took them two and half years to hold a conference on my behalf. I had written off nursing all together before that. Now they told me that if I signed another contract they would let me back. Honestly, I am terrified to get back on that horse. I signed a contract a month ago and have started through the motions once again. Anybody out there that has gone through this twice?