Need Advice, My Son Was Diagnosed With Add

[JasmineG]

Hi all,

Sorry this is long. I need your advice, I'm at my wits end and hope I'm doing the right thing and hoping it's not too late. My husband says I should know what to do since I'm a nurse now, but knowing what is right for my patients is one thing, and doing whats right for my kids is something totally different, I dont have the doctor, doctors orders or charge nurse, to go to if I have questions or concerns, like I do with patients.

Well, my 10year old son has just started the 5th grade and his first week was just horrible. All throughout his elementary education he has had problems with focusing. No hyperactivity, at all, but the boy can sit and daydream or find anything else to do, except class/homework, while sitting quietly at his desk or at home at the table. I had been hoping that he would outgrow this as time went on, his teachers have said "boys mature slower than girls, give it time" but its getting worse. And its not only school work, he has a horrible time following verbal directions. I have to tell him several times what to do before he finally gets it. Like going to retrieve something from another room, I tell him what he needs to get, he repeats back to me, what he'll be getting and where to get it from, then he'll come back empty handed, multiple times(just an example)

He does get frustrated, and asks "why are other people able to do things easier than me."

Well, I took him to an ADD specialist. I dont want his academic career to go down the drain. He only has one class and one teacher right now, and has trouble handling that. Soon he'll be going to Jr High and I'm afraid he'll get really lost and give up on school. He is able comprehend his work, but cant get organized enough to do it. Hes actually quite bright, has high test scores, when he actually can finish the test.

The doctor had a meeting with me and my son, we did all of the paperwork, in which there is tons of. And she is recommending meds for him, we go in Tuesday to talk about all of our options.

Can anyone advise me on what to be cautious of. Maybe what meds should set off alarms and bells, and what meds for ADD you have had good experiences with. I know meds affect everyone different, but any advise will be welcome.

Thanks

J

[JasmineG]

Someday-C.R.N.A., wow, buddy. Thanks for the post. Glad things are much better for you. Your own personal story gives others much to think about...the other side of the coin. However, some kids may need that little extra...in this case, a medication...to pull it together. I don't discount anything that you relayed at all. It is another piece of the puzzle to consider. Congrats, (I think) Jerry (correct me if I'm wrong), in what you have accomplished and no doubt, what you will accomplish down the road. If anything, you have proved much about yourself in your posts...what you write and how you write. You give these mothers hope. My hat is off to you, buddy.

Wolfie

:yeahthat:

The first thing I said when I read your post, Someday-C.R.N.A,was "WOW" It's enlightening hearing it from your point of view.

The response from everyone here is awesome and more than I had expected. And I definately appreciate everyone for taking their time to respond. Each one of you has given me a helpful piece of information to consider. Thank You.

J

[NRSKarenRN, BSN, RN]

I'm in the middle of reading "Healing ADD" by Dr Daniel Amen, MD, 14.95 at Borders after visiting his website yesterday morning: http://amenclinics.com/bp/. This doctor has been doing SPECT scans for about 15 years now and has specialized in treatment of ADD along with having 3 children and living/learning from the parent's experience.

The book describes 6 different types of ADD, medications that work for one type might not work for another but that most people feel better and function better with them. Also discusses diet: low carb, high protein, use of supplements to increase dopamine, school strategies, parenting strategies, wrong diagnosis and so much more.....much of what I've learned and observed with my own child.

I've bought the book to help my son understand + optimize his health, just like I would teach a diabetic or person with high blood pressure about the lifelong need to follow a treatment plan to minimize the need for medication. Finding balance in our lives so one can be happy and productive is the key.

We've just found a few more ideas to add to our game plan. :balloons:

[tencat]

Im doing everything in my power to make sure he doesnt fail.

J

I used to be a teacher, and ADD is a very real disorder. I've seen many kids who could barely function in a classroom turn around and become good students after getting help. But a kid needs more than just meds. He/she needs to learn how to study and how to focus on schoolwork once the meds kick in. The meds alone won't solve the issue totally. Jasmine, it is not all your responsibility to make sure he doesn't fail. He has a responsibility to do his work and homework (with background support from you) and pull his own grades. Don't get caught in the trap of "It's all my responsibility to make sure he passes." Kids like to try to get their parents to take responsibility for what they themselves do or do not do. Heck, a lot of adults like to shift responsibility to others. Help him learn how to take control of his ADD and not be controlled by it. Good luck!

[LydiaNN]

One thing you'll want to monitor is his appetite and weight. Many of these meds affect the appetite, and the kids lose weight. My son got so skinny on Concerta that we had to switch meds. He's on Adderall now, which for some reason doesn't affect it as much (although I know other kids on Adderall whose parents struggle with getting them to eat). If this ends up being an issue for your son, the one thing I'd do is make sure you have a good selection of the things he likes to eat and encourage him to eat in those windows of opportunity when he has an appetite- even if they don't correspond with family meal times.

[tencat]

I feel as though I have been held back enough by the public schools and the so-called "professionals" that classify any child that doesn't fit into THEIR 'norm' as ADD, ADHD, GT, LD, or whatever. I feel it is a convenient excuse to write off children that they don't know how to handle. While ADD and ADHD may exist and current medication may work very well for SOME people, I think that children are being thrown into this classification prematurely in order to simplify things for the "professionals". Just as I was pushed between GT an LD (because that's all they had at the time), I feel that children are being shuffled off too quickly into the realm of BRAIN ALTERING DRUGS..............In the name of CONFORMITY.

Wow. I hate to tell you, but a lot of what 'held' you back was the attitude you had about school in the first place. Do you have a college degree yet? If not, you should know that college will be the same way, but with less support. I'm glad that you are able to be off medications, but many kids need them to succeed academically.

It's easy to judge people's performance as a professional when one does not have any idea what the job is about, and everyone seems to think that they are experts in the area of education. So many people love to target the schools for all of their personal struggles in life. "It's not MY fault, the school did it to me." A teacher can't force someone to do the work and pass. Teachers can offer students the information and facilitate learning, but a student has the resonsibility to do the best he or she can do. Period. It is the school's responsibility to provide support and teach each student in a way that is best for him/her. I'm not saying that the schools are always doing the best thing for kids, because a lot of them aren't. But students need to realize that they have responsibilities as well. Learning is a process that requires the learner to take responsibility for learning, and not try to blame lack of learning on everyone else but themselves.

[Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN]

Thanks for your honesty. I too know that ADHD/ADD is being overdiagnosed, especially for boys who have a natural tendency to want to move move move. One of the things I'd like to look at as a research project is what happens when we put boys in k-garten at 5 instead of waiting a year. Especially the way k-garten is structured now. Instead of learning through play, the way it used to be, there is so much pressure on the schools and teachers that they start too early putting pressure on kids. K-garten is now sitting quietly at desks and doing paperwork. Pre-school is the new k-garten. Boys do mature later than girls.

The description of your son reminded me of the boy in "My Friend Flicka" - doesn't pay attention, daydreams, gets bad grades. I just reread that book - I loved it.

Anyway, you've gotten lots of heartfelt advice here . . . education is the key.

Best wishes,

steph

I can't tell you what to do with your son, and I won't try. I will share a bit about me with you.

I had speech problems as a very young boy. I remember taking special speech classes when I was (approximately) K-2nd. From that point, and throughout my public school experience, I was almost constantly tested for all kinds of different things. My parents were told one week that I was GT (gifted and talented), and the next week that I was LD (learning disabled). I did well on tests when I wanted to (very well at times), but at other times did very poorly (because I didn't want to take the test).

I was tested (and it often made me feel as though something was wrong with me - more socially than mentally), when I would have otherwise been in class, quite often. When I was in the seventh grade, my father taught me algebra. One night after dinner. My father taught me algebra. I didn't know why he was doing it at the time, but now I think he was testing my comprehension. (They were telling him I was kinda slow, apparently, and he is a math wiz.).

I was placed in college level english classes when I was in the 8th grade. I did well. This is as far back as I remember 'screwing' with the people testing me, not that it wasn't happening earlier. (I'm guessing it was).

After being put back into the 'population' in a new school, I did nothing. I totally rebelled. I dropped out and was jailed (for numerous things), then court ordered back to school several times. I was such a PITA at school that they let me pretty much set my own hours.

The only teachers that wanted me there were my english and speech teachers. My first drafts were better than just about anybody else's final copy. I was lucky enough to have some pretty awesome teachers. They would give me special assignments, apart from what the rest of the class was doing, and allowed me to express myself to earn my grade. Unfortunately for all of us, I saw this as another 'test', and rejected this as well. (I'm NOBODY'S guinea pig).

When I was 16 years old, I was court ordered a tutor. This lady had a masters degree in english or something like that. She was rather impressed with me. I remember writing things (assignments) for her, and then watching as she counted how many words I squeezed into a sentence. (I thought she was kinda loopy or something). Apparently, it is unusual for a 16 year old to be able to string together 32 words in one cognitive sentence. She says that she has seen college graduates (with English majors) who can't do that. But it meant nothing to me - it just seemed so very simple.

Anyway, this tutor recommended prescription medication for ADHD. or just ADD (I'm not sure). I knew she was going to do this, and told my Mom that I wouldn't be taking these drugs when she got back from her private meeting with my tutor. (Kinda goes to show how I'm a step ahead, don't it?)

I feel as though I have been held back enough by the public schools and the so-called "professionals" that classify any child that doesn't fit into THEIR 'norm' as ADD, ADHD, GT, LD, or whatever. I feel it is a convenient excuse to write off children that they don't know how to handle. While ADD and ADHD may exist and current medication may work very well for SOME people, I think that children are being thrown into this classification prematurely in order to simplify things for the "professionals". Just as I was pushed between GT an LD (because that's all they had at the time), I feel that children are being shuffled off too quickly into the realm of BRAIN ALTERING DRUGS..............In the name of CONFORMITY.

BTW, I am 26 years old, have held the same job since I was 18 (8yrs.), and am a self reliant young man. I'm also putting myself through college, and I manage to keep my cat fed. (girlfriends come and go)

..........Oh, and I'm a Mama's boy......... Big Time!!..........And I'm alright with that!!

**Completely drug-free**

[classicaldreams]

Hi all,

Sorry this is long. I need your advice, I'm at my wits end and hope I'm doing the right thing and hoping it's not too late. My husband says I should know what to do since I'm a nurse now, but knowing what is right for my patients is one thing, and doing whats right for my kids is something totally different, I dont have the doctor, doctors orders or charge nurse, to go to if I have questions or concerns, like I do with patients. . . .

Dear Jasmine,

This thread strikes at my heart. Been there, doing that. Just wanted to give my support. We have a 16 year old who never made the ADD diagnosis, but fits the mold in every way. Creative, smart, defiant, unfocused, and in trouble (school and with the police). There is no easy answer, and I have found that many, many people do not understand. So keep looking for someone who does. Find a great support group that understands what you are going through and let them listen! You deserve it! You are a great parent for not giving up!

All I can say is maturity is a wonderful thing. I felt like we have literally raced through cognitive and emotional development, and my son just turned 16. He looks and thinks (sometimes) like a 25 year old man in many ways. He is just now starting to manage his own emotions and intense feelings--something I think is part of the ADD package.

We chose not to give him medication. I personally think that either way, whether you chose to help him with medication and/or develop some sort of behavioral plan, it is a tough road.

I think if you can show them success and keep failure in check, they develop into wonderful people.

Good luck to you (and to all of us!)

Classicaldreams

[Morning-glory]

I'm a 38 yr old woman who was diagnosed with ADD distractive type at the age of 31.

I spent school in a daze but managed to suck in enough to pass without ever doing homework. I read all the time, just not what I was supposed to be reading.

After doing 5 years of a 3 year nursing program I figured that I needed help. I had one more year to do and I wanted to pass and get on with my life.

I have a learning disability as well that was diagnosed at the same time.

What was interesting about the whole experience is that after diagnosis but before medication, I was able to work with my brain instead of fighting it. I learn best with visual information and my short term memory isn't what it should be. Just knowing that made it possible for me to get from the bottom 10% of my class to the top 5% in 2 months.

With meds, I can sustain the effort for a longer period of time and I like the way my brain works on meds. I feel smarter and work better. I can function without the medication, but I choose to stay on it. I function best on an antidepressant as one of the symptoms of my ADD was depression-anxiety cycles. Ritalin gave me auditory hallucinations and Strattera made me too sleepy, even on the very low doses.

So in essence what needs to happen is that you and your son figure out what works and use it. Whether it be with or without meds. Each person's brain works differently. By using the gifts that he has and building on it, life will be much more interesting for your son and the whole family. It can be done.

All the best,

Jacquie RN

[KrisRNwannabe]

I am 27 years old and 2 years ago I was diagnosed with Adult ADD. I had just quit my job in my previous career to start nursing school. I also switched to a new family doctor who diagnosed me. Finally, all the problems in my previous job made sense. I manage the environmental issues of 25 ExxonMobil gas stations. I had a hard time focusing at work and organizing my to do tasks and was constantly having to work late to catch up. I didn't want to start nursing school like that. i quit my job in July and would be starting nursing school in august and I knew I couldn't function like that. When I was working it felt like the stock market was in head. I mean it felt like hundreds of people in my running around yelling at me to do this and this and this. My husband thought I was just nervous about starting school and that I couldn't focus at work because I just didn't like the job anymore. Unless it is happening to you it is hard to explain what it feels like and why it is so hard just to concentrate. some people think that if you are not hyper and running around like crazy than you don't have ADD. sure some people that have are that but lots aren't. I am the total opposite of hyper when i wasn't taking meds, I would just sit there overwhelmed by everything i had to do because my brain couldn't process it. I now take 10 mg of Adderall twice per day. I just graduated from nursing school with a 4.0 and am getting ready to take my boards. without the meds I may have made it through school but, I think i would have had a miserable trying to study for boards. I would probably look at the book a hundred times a day but never find a good enough reason to pick it up. I have been told by my doc that my stock market in the head is good analogy for what it feels like for someone who has ADD. Please do what you feel is best for your son, but when you do it put yourself in his shoes and try to imagine yourself going through the day with the floor of the stock market in your head.

[JasmineG]

Hi All,

Just checking in to give an update.

Started my son on Concerta, on Saturday. He had a headache the first day, but said he really noticed the difference with his focusing, was able to be more organized in everything he did that day. The next day he started to come down with a cold, so I'm not sure if the headache was medication induced or from his cold.

On Monday, he said he had a really good day at school, didnt feel like he was the outcast of class anymore, was able to hold his own. Came home really happy and looking forward to going to school. Homework only took 2 hrs instead of allnight No side effects reported. Appetite still great, eats like a bottomless pit.

Spoke with his teacher, we'll be keeping an eye on him to see how it all works out. Told the teacher that if the meds dont help his class situation, that I'm pulling him off of them, teacher agreed, said that my son has no behavioral issues, just focusing difficulties. His teacher has known him for about 2 years and said if he notices any changes and any area, he'll call right away.

The Dr is starting him out with 18mg for the first week and will double the dosage for the second week to see if there is a change or if the dosage will stay minimal. This is all still new so we'll see what the outcome will be.

Thanks to all for the advice and stories, you all came through marvelously. This has been a very hard decision for us to make, but hopefully it work out for the best. Will keep you posted.

Thanks

J