Need advice on getting my life together.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Mar 24, 2016

How will I be to interact and liked by my colleagues in the professional world when I'm in this mess? Any advice?

Perhaps some professional counseling is in order? I'm not saying this to be flippant. I'm saying this based on personal experience.

In 2004 I was a 23-year-old with a dead end factory job I'd been working for three years. I knew I was capable of doing more with my life, but the negative self-talk and seeds of doubt were planted in my psyche early in life by a verbally abusive father. I was not able to mentally move on with my life until I attended a few psychotherapy sessions.

The next year I completed an LVN program. I eventually earned my ASN degree, RN license, then a BSN degree. I am now enrolled in a MSN degree program and hope to graduate next year.

If you feel you are 'a mess,' it is up to you to fix the issue. In addition, while it is nice to be liked by my colleagues, my self-esteem does not hinge on their opinions of me. Plenty of coworkers have disliked me and it is not the end of my world.

Good luck to you. You can do this.

Want2BeeRN · Mar 24, 2016

I just don't understand what's going on.Things have been the same for quite a while.I'm sure counseling ,like you suggested, wouldn't hurt.

quiltynurse56, LPN, LVN · Mar 24, 2016

I agree with Commuter. Sounds like you have been through a lot. Anxiety amongst other things can be major stumbling blocks in moving forward. Counseling can help overcome and get you going down the right track. I have been going to counseling for depression and anxiety for about 6 years now. It has helped me greatly.

You and a therapist will work together to figure out what is going on. You work together in that process.

BioChic · Mar 24, 2016

I agree with Commuter as well.

I spent 10 years after high school (which I left without graduating) bouncing around food & beverage jobs. I didn't think I was intelligent enough to pursue a career in anything else, but I was miserable.

I had been through some abuse counseling in my younger years, but I was still a mess. So 2 years ago (at 27 years old) I started working with a counselor again. I got my GED, took my ACT, finished up my prerequisites, got my CNA, and applied to a highly competitive nursing program in my area. I made it through the first round of cuts and had an interview, but I'm waiting on my acceptance/rejection letter.

I share all of ^that^ with you to make this point: I did ALL OF THAT in just over a year. I had been stalled out for a decade, but with the help of a counselor, I made huge strides. I never would have had the courage without my counselor's encouragement. She helped me plan and set goals, but she also helped me to see that it was ok to be anxious... it just wasn't ok to let that stop me from moving forward anyway.

You can do this. Whether it's through professional counseling, or encouragement through AN, asking for help is always the first (and sometimes the hardest) step.

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Mar 24, 2016

I agree with quiltynurse and Commuter.

The key to "getting ones life together" is actually DOING the work that is needed to accomplish measurable goals and milestones in life; most of the work starts within and the bulk of the work is done by the person who seeks to achieve measurable goals set forth, along with making adjustments along the way when life's challenges occur.

I had a pretty non-traditional way of post-secondary education; it took me 12 years to graduate with a BSN, deposits graduating at the 10 percent of my high school, multiple options to receive a full ride to get my BSN-my parents were two people with maladaptive coping mechanisms that affected me deeply; along with a family history of mood disorder trait, I had several crises along the path of becoming a nurse. I failed an ADN program at 20-I also was disillusioned because I was going to spend 4 years gaining a two year degree and my goal was always to get a Bachelor's degree, so I didn't return to the program and sought out re-trying nursing in a BSN program. I was turned down; lost, my sister prompted me to find another program that was geared toward nursing while I still continued working on pre-reqs at community college and working as a tech in the hospital, leasing me to a Practical Nursing program. I found out I had test anxiety, adapted a lot of coping mechanisms I learned through my nursing studies, and made it through the program, and went on to get my degree despite personal challenges of being a DV survivor and surviving a near death experience and developed PTSD, along with having a mood disorder trait, which is anxiety driven, even through times of depression I went through intense therapy, including medication and continue to do so, as I have stumbled in my career professionally and did the work to get to a point where I want to be. In hindsight, at my age, my plan was to be a NP; at this point it will be a semi-retirement plan, and then that may change too; what will remain constant is my own personal happiness and contentment toward life being unpredictable, but enjoyable enough due to not having regrets on how my life played out, and most of that was utilizing resources with a professional to help me release subconscious mental blocks that were preventing me from my own self-actualization.

You realize that you have your own blocks; you have options out there, and the ability to make a plan, and execute it-you are not alone.

Best wishes.

Want2BeeRN · Mar 24, 2016

Thank you all :)

Hollybobs · Mar 24, 2016

When I was in at a crossroads and full of self-doubt 10 years ago I used some self-help books, exercised and spoke to friends and family. This helped me work through where my weaknesses were and gave me the energy and direction to tackle my personal challenges. And work out what I wanted. Time also helped! Looking back I think counselling would have benefitted me.

I don't know if a couple of self-help books might be useful? If the book felt like it had something to teach me, I would read it, work through the exercises etc. I went just went with my gut instinct. Also journalling. I love reading and writing though so this might not be up your street if you don't.

Exercise gave me confidence and energy and really relaxed me, it was also at that point I began trialling different ideas on how to deal with stress and anxiety, something I am only just about to really be able to do. That has been a long road but it has paid off!

I found developing "soft skills", such as listening and interpersonal skills, interview and presentation techniques etc really beneficial, each new skill gave me confidence and opened me up to new experiences.

This is potentially an exciting time for you, a lot of positives can come out of the point you are at now and you have started by seeking help which is great. I personally think that working through and facing all my weaknesses, failures, slip-ups etc has made me a better nurse, mentor and colleague. I never forget how fallible and flawed I am, this better helps me help others.

Want2BeeRN · Mar 25, 2016

Great advice,thank you for your positive words.

Wrench Party · Mar 31, 2016

You've got several positives going on here:

1) You already have an Associate's. That will save you some time in completing basic degree requirements.

2) You have a child, someone to be a good role model for.

3) You already know you need to change.

The next steps are to get counseling to help set your goals, shop around for programs, and do what's necessary to be an excellent candidate for those programs.

I'm a second-career nurse who took a long, seemingly never-ending, winding road to get to where I am. You have to keep the long game in your head, but also one semester at a time.

km1427 · Mar 31, 2016

Can't really give a ton of advice because I don't have my life together but wanted to share a quote my mom has on our fridge,

"No one has their life together. That's like trying to eat once and for all."

I do hope you start feeling better about everything though :) Hopefully some of the nurses here are helpful!