My Pre-grad Clinical has deteriorated into Hell On Earth

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OK...not hell, but.....I am three weeks away from finishing my last Clinical before graduating. I have written my finals and will be graduating with honours.

I was very nervous and apprehensive about my clinical, because we were all told that this was IT and is usually the place that hires you. So I looked at it as one long job interview.

Well, turned out I really liked my preceptor, really liked the unit staff (for the most part), and thought they worked as a great team. The staff all introduced themselves to me. Showed me around, treated me like I was part of the team - something they've never done at my previous clinical experiences at other hospitals. I'm even officially on the team lottery pool list. I did really feel like part of the team.

Well, since then it's been going south. First of all, I missed two days (and Called in of course!!!) because I severely injured my ankle (torn ligament). Though I was ordered to stay off of it, I hobbled around at clinical for weeks because if I didn't I would not have graduated. Of course, it is not healing and is still quite painful unless I am careful - and the other day one of the staff members was like "well your attendance isn't exactly great!" it was said as a joke, but I was really hurt. I was hurt - it was a legitimate injury that I had a doctors note for. Not that the doctors note carried any weight with the school.

On the weekend, my regular preceptor was off so I shadowed another nurse. She gave me her entire patient assignment since I'd "better see how it really is" and then took off. I, of course, agreed totally that it was high time I had a full assignment and never hesitated. I answered several call bells that weren't mine from the other RN I was not working with, she thanked me and I said "No problem!"...and it really was no problem...each time. My temp preceptor then showed up in the room every once in a while to criticize something I'd done i.e. the sling is crooked, she wears this necklace when up in the chair, her hair is parted on the wrong side etc. I said nothing when I noticed several times on the MAR she had not signed on previous days that I know she had been scheduled. I quietly and privately reminded her and she chuckled and said "oh...thanks" (perhaps I should not have done this? I didn't do it in a mean way...it was like "gosh, you forgot to sign") I gave all my meds, didn't make a mistake, washed dressed and got up five people. It was tough, but I felt like I'd done a good job. I work as a CNA, so washing people is something I do every day. Anyway, I tidied the rooms, made the beds, and then went into the patient lounge. My patients were both in there so I spent a little time sitting with them. All of my work was done. I did not go for my morning break.

Lunch arrived - I made sure all of my patients were fed, ate, cleaned, etc. Did the tube feeds and gave noon meds.

My preceptor, at this point, was completely AWOL. She was in with the two CNA's, either talking to them or randomly helping them out with a patient. I did not have any concerns and felt completely competent so I just went on my business. Again, I took no break but spent some time giving apple juice to a few patients. I sat down when I did it.

Towards 3PM, I did all my charting and made sure my patients were comfortably in bed and safe. I felt good...I'd carried a full patient load and not made a mistake!!!

At 2:45, we were waiting for the next shift and were all sitting around the nurses' station chatting. At 3PM, I bid my preceptor adieu, and thanked her. She did not say thank you (and my husband thinks she had no reason to. I just know that if I had a student who had just done an entire days work for free for me, I would have at least said hey, thanks for being here. But that's just me).

Yesterday, I worked with my regular preceptor and the preceptor who works with me on the weekends was there and was quite cool to me...not unfriendly, but didn't go the heck out of her way to be warm. I again did a full patient assignment, minus preceptor criticising everything...my full-time preceptor is a little more easy going. I put on the right necklace. I parted the hair on the right side. I made the beds the way the other preceptor had shown me (strange little flip she does at the top...didn't learn that in school!).

Today, again, same thing. Two nurses were extremely busy with a very complicated dressing, so my preceptor and I did their noon meds. I did meds for 9 people, including narcotics and three requests for PRN pain meds. I was a bit slow...I don't want to make a mistake so I checked everything about 6 times. Maybe overkill...but I'd rather that than hey, killing someone. I answered her call bells. At one point, I was also answering the unit phone. I had a message for the RN who was doing the dressing. As I've seen ALL of them do, I took the number, wrote out the message, folded it and taped it to the rail above the phone with the RN's name on it. There were two other messages there as well, for other people. It was a personal message. We went with a CNA who I really like and the Unit Clerk. We were having a great time chatting up a storm, and then the CNA and the Unit Clerk left. And it went downhill.

Apparently, the CNA's that I worked with on her day off think I need to learn more teamwork. I have to not sit with the patients if my work is done. I must go from room to room and request if there is anything I can do...anything at all. "They are used to the other students being very keen, and helping them out as well". This stung, because I've always been told in performance reviews, my training review as a CNA etc. that I have always been quick to help. I mentioned to my preceptor that I had never, ever refused to help anyone...and I never would! She said "well, they won't ask you because, you know, you're a student, you're working for free, but they are comparing you with other students we've had here and they see this". She said she couldn't say anything because she had not been there that day and did not see anything happen. I mentioned that whenever I'd been asked for help, I'd obliged. She said they won't ask. I did not mention (but I damn well thought it) that even as a student no one other than her had ever offered to help me.

So I suck, basically.

I was devastated.

Most of the students in my class have been offered jobs at their placements. I haven't.

Where I work as a CNA, if you need help, you ask. I would NEVER EVER refuse to help anyone. And it's not like I was having a dinner party while they were working.

I checked the schedule to see who I was working with that day, and I don't "think" it was the RN's who complained. I think it was the CNA's. The two who were on have never been very friendly to me.

I apologized, promised to try harder, and said that I would work on this.

Back up to the floor. I see RN who I'd taken the message for on the phone. She starts saying "Who????Who???? Oh....the student...." she then hangs up the phone and comes after me "you took a message and didn't give it to me. That was a really important message. I've been so worried about that all day. It was my bank! It's involving $2,000!!!!" I stammered "but I did take a message...it's right there" and walked over and pulled off the paper. Unit Clerk said "yes, it's been there...I saw it" RN ignores her and continues on "$2000!!!!! That's a lot of money!!!! I need to get this sorted. Do you know how hard I work for $2,000?????"

I just stood there - in front of all the RN's, all the CNA's, and three patients, while she reamed me out, almost spitting. And I just stood there. I am working 60 hours a week at Clinical as well as holding down a part-time job as a CNA, I am BROKE from finishing school and she is ranting at me. The unit clerk looked at me with such a look of sympathy that I almost cried right there...but I'm proud to say I didn't (I'm a cryer at heart. Always have been. I'm working on this).

So I left there today with a very heavy heart and I'm feeling very badly about myself. I took this placement over a long term care facility - long term care is really where I want to be (and where I have obtained a job for when I finish) but I thought the experience in acute care would be beneficial for me. I do like the patients and the work.

Even as a CNA student, I was never "expected" to behave like an indentured servant - and please do...not...get...me...wrong...I have no trouble going above and beyond the call of duty. But at what point does it end? Apparently, in comparison to past students, I do not cut the mustard.

Am I being too sensitive? I know nursing is dog-eat-dog-eat-your-young, but I thought this placement was going well. I got a very good write-up from my preceptor on my mid-term, BTW.

And the other preceptor never did sign the MAR from the day she forgot to. Oh well.

I need to go crawl under my sofa now and cry.....if you'll excuse me.

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Oh man...sounds like my first job LOL! OH hon, remember, this is a sample of what things are like when you are 'on board'. Of course they would treat you differently as a newbie as long as it fits into the general schedule..after that it is sink or swim with a few sharks in the water!

I too was welcomed with open arms and gifts (is was Christmas time)..I felt on top of the world for a week...till I suffered an injury on the job. Oh man, just a milisecond transfer from bed to commode with a woman that was 80lbs soaking wet if that...she had a grand mal mid transfer...yes within that very microsecond of transfer! I injured my hip, but I caught her and saved her from injury (I just did it...it was instinctual).

After that I was treated like a bruised banana that was gathering fruit flys! OH it was horrid! Eating young..heck that would have been over quicker! No they put me though heck untill one day (long story) I left!

Look at this as insite to that floor or even facility and ask yourself...is this what you want? Trust me, I wasted my time for 9 months...crying before and after work just at the thought of going back! Wasn't worth it and I about gave Nursing up!

Keep looking for other places...places that will fit your style and preferences! I went agency finally..and I love it!

Good luck..and don't let turkeys get you down...I mean, their gobbling is so obnoxious! LOL!

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Thanks TriageRN. I agree - it is very indicative of things to come. And they haven't hired me, so as my preceptor said "you are only here for another three weeks" (which I initially negatively interpreted as "we are rid of you very soon").

What bothers me is that these people seemed so damn nice when I started. I guess I'm not used to the subterfuge - wherever I've worked that's been nasty before, they've been nasty from the get-go - not keeping it in and telling tales :( I prefer that. I know where I stand that way.

Here, it's been all nicey-nicey and now I find out it hasn't been :(

Also, I take rejection badly, and they have made it very clear that though I take care of my patients well (isn't that the point?) I am not a team player. I thought I was, turns out I'm not sure what team I'm on anymore...

I really like my LTC job but only work there as a CNA. It's such a nice place that turnover is nil, so they haven't hired me yet. I'm keeping my CNA job til they do. In the meantime I have a part-time job starting at another place in June.

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Oh now...you have to have the right team to be a team player! Took me a while to find it! Me, I am the down to earth type gal, and when I came to an interview and was razzed...I knew it was the place! LOL! Oh they jokingly teased me being newer, teased me for being funny, and it was a done deal..they accepted me for ME!

I worked there 4 years, but cutbacks forced me to leave. now I am agency and loving it! I feel either you do agency right out of school, or you get to wait a few years..no inbetween. But I don't know how that works in Canada (I am just a southern neighbor..Oregon ;) ).

Naaaa I was pretty autonomous at first too...had lots to learn and was just starting! Ya get a bit self focused when you are learning and darn right you should! But as you get your own style of nursing..and grow into it...then team playing is best..and having a good team is supreme!

I chose to stick with this ONE hospital...not because I could afford to be cancled if they don't need me..uhgggggg..but because of the team! I work well with them, they took me in automatically and never changed! I became the top agency RN in my area and am asked for my MD's now! Just by being myself, and with a team that is like me ;)!

It happens...trust me, yeah you get to kiss a few frogs waiting for a prince, but knowing when to huck the frog to the pond vs keeping it...well...isn't that what anyones challenge of getting that perfect job all about! ;)

Good luck to you...feel free to contact me anytime on my PM!

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yeah, I think you're being too sensitive, but I'd be feeling the same way. You can't judge yourself (only) by what others say. When someone is dumping on you, ask yourself if they're giving you any useful information. You know when you're being ragged for trivial stuff. Just say... "hey, thanks for the suggestion", and then inside your head blow them off. I mean, sometimes (at least for me) I've had people vent their speens on me, but underneath the bile, they have a kernal of useful info. Use it, discard the rest.

BTW: With regard to illness and injury, don't know about where you're from, but our nursing population is getting older, mean age I think is like 45 or around there. It stands to reason that we're not made of krytonite and what goes around comes around. You trashed an ankle. Someone else is going to throw out their back. I came down with horrible asthma my first week on the job. The very next week my nurse manager had the same virus and a wretched bronchitis. Don't let anyone trash-talk you about slacking off when you're sick.

Oh, and also... are you really torn up about not getting offered a job to work full time with this group???? Don't be.

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Specializes in ED, ICU, MS/MT, PCU, CM, House Sup, Frontline mgr.

You cannot make everyone happy. And every job you get no matter how good you are at doing the job, you may not be treated very well or liked by your co-workers. It is the reality of work!

So do not dispair... I personally think if they do not hire you, they are doing you a favor! Good luck with finding better working conditions.

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Unfortunately this is becoming the norm with nursing my advice find another place to work since your opportunities are unlimited.

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

That old addage of "you can't please everyone all of the time" is sooooooooooooo true! Knowing that...I mean knowing it not using it as an excuse...is really what it takes to be a nurse!

I can do everything to please staff and patient and wind up so friggen empty inside! That does nothing for anyone! Only when your plate has something can you give something! SO I had to learn this..and the hard way..yep, but that is typically how things come about for me anyway...LOL!

Hey lets break this down into brass tax...will you EVER be able to trust these people that you would need to trust with your patient care??? If the answer is no...ummmmm that seals it! It is that simple! The whole forecasting about future jobs, or whatever (I call them 'what if's?'...well I threw them out with the trash mentally because I am too creative and see to many 'what if's'...LOL. I need to break things down into its foundation...and to tell you the truth...best way to deal with self and patients!

If your red flags are flying..don't go there! If more people listened to those...one, less pts and two, better work environments because if it was horrid, no one would work there and keep the cycle going! ;)

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Thanks guys. My husband also thinks I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. I have worked in offices before this and have always had a hard time with the gossip and the backbiting, oh boy have I chosen the wrong profession. And yes, you are correct - why should I feel bad about not being hired by these people????

It doesn't even pay that much, and I have to pay for parking there. I figured out the difference - it costs me $7.00 a day to park downtown there. The LTC job I have lined up pays $1.00 less per hour, but the parking is free. So it almost evens out on an 8 hour shift :)

So, despite my husbands advice to tell them to stuff it (he actually put it..errr...in a different manner) I'm just going to smile sweetly and suffer through my three weeks.

It really hit home today though, when a card was passed around for a co-op student from the local high school. She's been really good - filling in for the Unit Clerk, taking messages, generally being a really good go-fer. My preceptor rolled her eyes at the card and said "oh God, not another one". Geez - in three weeks, when I get my generic good-bye card, all I'll be thinking is her saying "oh God, not ANOTHER one". I'm working really hard to help out, and they are ungrateful Beeyotches. I swear, when I get a student, I'm treating them like GOLD!.

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Sheesh. You can come work on my unit!

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Specializes in Me Surge.

I don't want all CNA's to be mad for me saying this but i have seen this over and over. Some CNA's will try to sabotage new nurses. Think about it; this newly minted nurse will soon be making more money then they are. It doesn't sound like you are this kind of a person but there are people who do mean things. You sound like a fantastic nurse, be proud of the great care you give. Every nursing student I have precepted didn't want to do any patient care; they only wanted to do the good stuff like new procedures. I offered a nurisng student a chance to insert a foley, she said " no thanks I've done one of those already." Wrong answer. Anyway you did a good job, your preceptor should be able to see that.

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I don't want all CNA's to be mad for me saying this but i have seen this over and over. Some CNA's will try to sabotage new nurses. Think about it; this newly minted nurse will soon be making more money then they are. It doesn't sound like you are this kind of a person but there are people who do mean things. You sound like a fantastic nurse, be proud of the great care you give. Every nursing student I have precepted didn't want to do any patient care; they only wanted to do the good stuff like new procedures. I offered a nurisng student a chance to insert a foley, she said " no thanks I've done one of those already." Wrong answer. Anyway you did a good job, your preceptor should be able to see that.

Actually....this did cross my mind. I've been working very hard as a CNA to pay for school, and I know that CNA's are being phased out of this hospital that I'm doing my clinical at. I think they are afraid for their jobs and maybe see me as a threat? I dunno.

I'm a nice person. My husband thinks too nice. I see the good in everybody and am then shocked when people hurt me, on purpose or not.

Wow - no patient care. This never even crossed my mind. I spend my whole life changing adult diapers. I love to practice new procedures. I saw a PICC line the other day and was thrilled. I'd love to practice a foley. I love it when the nurses tell me they are doing something new.

Your foley comment reminded me of a first year (different college) student who was there last month however. I had to change the tubing and bag on a G-Tube (oh there is a name for this but my tired old brain can't think of it) so I went and got the supplies. Student who had the patient had subsequently disappeared. I figured she might want to watch this - it's not a big deal, but you know - you gotta start somewhere. She looked at me and said "oh, we can't do that" I replied, yes, I know, but did you want to watch so when you do you'll be ahead of the game? "oh, not really, I mean why bother, we can't do it".

:eek:

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