OK...not hell, but.....I am three weeks away from finishing my last Clinical before graduating. I have written my finals and will be graduating with honours.
I was very nervous and apprehensive about my clinical, because we were all told that this was IT and is usually the place that hires you. So I looked at it as one long job interview.
Well, turned out I really liked my preceptor, really liked the unit staff (for the most part), and thought they worked as a great team. The staff all introduced themselves to me. Showed me around, treated me like I was part of the team - something they've never done at my previous clinical experiences at other hospitals. I'm even officially on the team lottery pool list. I did really feel like part of the team.
Well, since then it's been going south. First of all, I missed two days (and Called in of course!!!) because I severely injured my ankle (torn ligament). Though I was ordered to stay off of it, I hobbled around at clinical for weeks because if I didn't I would not have graduated. Of course, it is not healing and is still quite painful unless I am careful - and the other day one of the staff members was like "well your attendance isn't exactly great!" it was said as a joke, but I was really hurt. I was hurt - it was a legitimate injury that I had a doctors note for. Not that the doctors note carried any weight with the school.
On the weekend, my regular preceptor was off so I shadowed another nurse. She gave me her entire patient assignment since I'd "better see how it really is" and then took off. I, of course, agreed totally that it was high time I had a full assignment and never hesitated. I answered several call bells that weren't mine from the other RN I was not working with, she thanked me and I said "No problem!"...and it really was no problem...each time. My temp preceptor then showed up in the room every once in a while to criticize something I'd done i.e. the sling is crooked, she wears this necklace when up in the chair, her hair is parted on the wrong side etc. I said nothing when I noticed several times on the MAR she had not signed on previous days that I know she had been scheduled. I quietly and privately reminded her and she chuckled and said "oh...thanks" (perhaps I should not have done this? I didn't do it in a mean way...it was like "gosh, you forgot to sign") I gave all my meds, didn't make a mistake, washed dressed and got up five people. It was tough, but I felt like I'd done a good job. I work as a CNA, so washing people is something I do every day. Anyway, I tidied the rooms, made the beds, and then went into the patient lounge. My patients were both in there so I spent a little time sitting with them. All of my work was done. I did not go for my morning break.
Lunch arrived - I made sure all of my patients were fed, ate, cleaned, etc. Did the tube feeds and gave noon meds.
My preceptor, at this point, was completely AWOL. She was in with the two CNA's, either talking to them or randomly helping them out with a patient. I did not have any concerns and felt completely competent so I just went on my business. Again, I took no break but spent some time giving apple juice to a few patients. I sat down when I did it.
Towards 3PM, I did all my charting and made sure my patients were comfortably in bed and safe. I felt good...I'd carried a full patient load and not made a mistake!!!
At 2:45, we were waiting for the next shift and were all sitting around the nurses' station chatting. At 3PM, I bid my preceptor adieu, and thanked her. She did not say thank you (and my husband thinks she had no reason to. I just know that if I had a student who had just done an entire days work for free for me, I would have at least said hey, thanks for being here. But that's just me).
Yesterday, I worked with my regular preceptor and the preceptor who works with me on the weekends was there and was quite cool to me...not unfriendly, but didn't go the heck out of her way to be warm. I again did a full patient assignment, minus preceptor criticising everything...my full-time preceptor is a little more easy going. I put on the right necklace. I parted the hair on the right side. I made the beds the way the other preceptor had shown me (strange little flip she does at the top...didn't learn that in school!).
Today, again, same thing. Two nurses were extremely busy with a very complicated dressing, so my preceptor and I did their noon meds. I did meds for 9 people, including narcotics and three requests for PRN pain meds. I was a bit slow...I don't want to make a mistake so I checked everything about 6 times. Maybe overkill...but I'd rather that than hey, killing someone. I answered her call bells. At one point, I was also answering the unit phone. I had a message for the RN who was doing the dressing. As I've seen ALL of them do, I took the number, wrote out the message, folded it and taped it to the rail above the phone with the RN's name on it. There were two other messages there as well, for other people. It was a personal message. We went with a CNA who I really like and the Unit Clerk. We were having a great time chatting up a storm, and then the CNA and the Unit Clerk left. And it went downhill.
Apparently, the CNA's that I worked with on her day off think I need to learn more teamwork. I have to not sit with the patients if my work is done. I must go from room to room and request if there is anything I can do...anything at all. "They are used to the other students being very keen, and helping them out as well". This stung, because I've always been told in performance reviews, my training review as a CNA etc. that I have always been quick to help. I mentioned to my preceptor that I had never, ever refused to help anyone...and I never would! She said "well, they won't ask you because, you know, you're a student, you're working for free, but they are comparing you with other students we've had here and they see this". She said she couldn't say anything because she had not been there that day and did not see anything happen. I mentioned that whenever I'd been asked for help, I'd obliged. She said they won't ask. I did not mention (but I damn well thought it) that even as a student no one other than her had ever offered to help me.
So I suck, basically.
I was devastated.
Most of the students in my class have been offered jobs at their placements. I haven't.
Where I work as a CNA, if you need help, you ask. I would NEVER EVER refuse to help anyone. And it's not like I was having a dinner party while they were working.
I checked the schedule to see who I was working with that day, and I don't "think" it was the RN's who complained. I think it was the CNA's. The two who were on have never been very friendly to me.
I apologized, promised to try harder, and said that I would work on this.
Back up to the floor. I see RN who I'd taken the message for on the phone. She starts saying "Who????Who???? Oh....the student...." she then hangs up the phone and comes after me "you took a message and didn't give it to me. That was a really important message. I've been so worried about that all day. It was my bank! It's involving $2,000!!!!" I stammered "but I did take a message...it's right there" and walked over and pulled off the paper. Unit Clerk said "yes, it's been there...I saw it" RN ignores her and continues on "$2000!!!!! That's a lot of money!!!! I need to get this sorted. Do you know how hard I work for $2,000?????"
I just stood there - in front of all the RN's, all the CNA's, and three patients, while she reamed me out, almost spitting. And I just stood there. I am working 60 hours a week at Clinical as well as holding down a part-time job as a CNA, I am BROKE from finishing school and she is ranting at me. The unit clerk looked at me with such a look of sympathy that I almost cried right there...but I'm proud to say I didn't (I'm a cryer at heart. Always have been. I'm working on this).
So I left there today with a very heavy heart and I'm feeling very badly about myself. I took this placement over a long term care facility - long term care is really where I want to be (and where I have obtained a job for when I finish) but I thought the experience in acute care would be beneficial for me. I do like the patients and the work.
Even as a CNA student, I was never "expected" to behave like an indentured servant - and please do...not...get...me...wrong...I have no trouble going above and beyond the call of duty. But at what point does it end? Apparently, in comparison to past students, I do not cut the mustard.
Am I being too sensitive? I know nursing is dog-eat-dog-eat-your-young, but I thought this placement was going well. I got a very good write-up from my preceptor on my mid-term, BTW.
And the other preceptor never did sign the MAR from the day she forgot to. Oh well.
I need to go crawl under my sofa now and cry.....if you'll excuse me.
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epg_pei
277 Posts
Your experience was similar to mine. Except it sounds like you are a fantastic new grad nurse! Medical is not my area, I basically failed to meet my own goals in preceptorship. But you sound like you have it all down really. Don't let unprofessional nurses upset you. They exist, and always will I guess.
Good luck, I think you'll do great wherever you decide to go!