My new grad stress is showing - and I am being called on it - Yikes!

Tait, MSN, RN · Jan 12, 2008

The first step is realization. I remember the first time I was confronted on being too sarcastic and coming across as really mean. I tell you it changed the way I have thought about every comment coming out of my mouth since.

One thing I would recommed would be to talk to family and friends. Ask them and be prepared for honest answers. Ask them how you seem when you are stressed, your mannerisms and vocal tone.

Then learn to hear it in yourself.

When you start to stress, take a minute, breathe and start over. Let your preceptors know you didn't realize this "edge" you have, and you are working on recognizing it. Tell them alert you when they begin to hear it so you can learn to hear it too. Don't make a long conversation out of it, or tell them your life story. Just let them know you are working on it and need some encouragement and awareness. I think they will be able to appreciate the effort.

Then figure out when and what stresses you, and start brainstorming and asking for suggestions on how to make life a little easier.

We aren't born perfect, we aren't raised perfect. The best we can do is realize our flaws and work hard to make them a little less noticeable.

:)

Best of luck,

Tait

Scrubby · Jan 12, 2008

I too have been pulled aside and told that I need to handle stress better and in a more positive way. I sometimes get a bit snappy in a stressful situation. All i can suggest is that you tell your aides etc that they are doing a great job and if there is a crisis approach them afterwards and tell then they were such a great help to you. I also tell people that if i seemed a bit angry etc that it's not personal that i'm just trying to cope with the situation. I also look really angry when i'm focusing on what i'm doing at the time which can be misinterpreted....

Tait, MSN, RN · Jan 12, 2008

I too have been pulled aside and told that I need to handle stress better and in a more positive way. I sometimes get a bit snappy in a stressful situation. All i can suggest is that you tell your aides etc that they are doing a great job and if there is a crisis approach them afterwards and tell then they were such a great help to you. I also tell people that if i seemed a bit angry etc that it's not personal that i'm just trying to cope with the situation. I also look really angry when i'm focusing on what i'm doing at the time which can be misinterpreted....

I get that "are you mad?" thing all the time when I am very focused. Mostly it is because I stop chatting and generally sit away from others when I am working on something in my head.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jan 12, 2008

Glad I'm not the only one who appears to be angry when I'm concentrating hard.

I usually try to warn people.

Tait, MSN, RN · Jan 12, 2008

Glad I'm not the only one who appears to be angry when I'm concentrating hard.
I usually try to warn people.

I had one tech (God bless her) that used to come up and try to make me laugh/smile/react when I was deep in contemplation about a patient or very busy and on the move. She was so sweet but often times came very close to strangulation from me!

RiverNurse · Jan 12, 2008

Ditto! I am glad to hear that I am not the only one that appears "stern" when contemplating or under stress. As for me, I've heard it all about me "being mad" when I am simply thinking about something (else other than work, usually - LOL).

I've finally decided, after many years of running around trying to make things right for everyone but me, that I communicate effectively enough - and if the offended person doesn't have the fortitude to question me directly and not be willing to resolve the problem in an adult fashion by talking face to face - then it's his/her problem, not mine.

It's direct, but I just got home after a LONG 14 hr shift, and I am very loopy.

Take care - Shawna

EmmaG, RN · Jan 12, 2008

Glad I'm not the only one who appears to be angry when I'm concentrating hard.
I usually try to warn people.

Same here.

llg, PhD, RN · Jan 12, 2008

I heartily agree with warning people -- and also with apologizing afterwards. Sometimes, that's all it takes. Let people know that you respect them and that you know that you are doing a good job, but that sometimes, you sound a bit harsh when you get stressed. Reassure them and they will be able to handle your "rough edges" a little better.

Also, now that you are aware of the problem, listen to yourself and monitor your interactions more closely. Be quick to compensate for any harshness you hear in yourself and you will come across to others in a much more positive light.

Pediatric Critical Care Columnist · Jan 12, 2008

Great advice here. Another tip that I found to be enormously helpful is to add a "please" and "thank you" to interactions that might seem a little terse. My mother pointed out to me that I never said "thank you" to people when they gave me information when my son was in NICU; when I thought about it I realized she was right and made a conscious effort after that to remember. That has stayed with me for the 24+ years since. And I want my coworkers to know that I respect and value them and their contributions, even when things are going sideways. And when the dust settles, I make sure that I thank them again for whatever help they were able to provide.

nursemike, ASN, RN · Jan 12, 2008

When I was a carpenter, a request of a co-worker might typically go: "Gimme that (choose your expletive) hammer!" But upon receiving said implement, you respond, "Thanks," thereby avoiding getting it between the eyes, next time. The little amenities do go far in taking some of the edge off interactions, and a smile doesn't hurt, either.

On the other hand, when I was in my unlicensed health care job and training new employees, I told them all that they needed a thick skin when a patient was doing badly. A lot of the nurses we worked with were basically very decent people who could get a bit brusgue under stress. Most would apologize, later, but I found it helpful not to take anything personally. It takes a lot to get me testy, but it can be done, and I never found it hard to understand that the nurses had a lot more on their minds at such times than my feelings.

I did train one fellow in my old job who could be rather abrasive, at times, and was getting on a lot of people's nerves, including mine. Then he told me about his 45 day eval, where our NM remarked that some people found him a bit sarcastic. He told me he nearly bit his tongue off to avoid answering, "Me? Sarcastic? No-o-o-o!" I liked him a lot more after that.

I don't think you can change your nature dramatically, but I agree that recognizing the problem is a big step. Being genuinely polite and thoughtful when you aren't stressed will help people forgive when you are. Experience may also help you not get so stressed as often, although it sounds like you'll be dealing with a lot of high-acuity patients who have an amazing knack for presenting problems you haven't dealt with before.

Suninmyheart · Jan 16, 2008

Thanks everyone for being there. I feel like a group of wonderful people just huddled around and gave me lot's of support. I am working on this.

I do feel as if I am under a microscope. I mean afterall, I have met a handful of rather rude and sarcastic co-workers and I see myself as so much kinder and nicer then I have ever seen them yet I am the one sitting in the nurse manager's office being talked to about "tone".

Oh well. All I have to worry about is myself and this has been a huge eye opener for me. It is something I needed to hear and my awareness of this will help me in many ways in my professional life. Actually personal life also. The biggest thing is being very level for my patients and not letting them see my stress.

Thanks cohorts! I don't feel so alone in this and your input means so much to me.

Suninmyeyes