My child is rebelling

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Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.

Sorry if this is not pertaining to school nursing, but I just don't know where else to rant about this.

My niece is 9 years old, her mother passed away 5 years ago and she's been living with me since that happened. She was a good kid until she turned 8 and started to rebel a lot, especially towards my mother.

Lately she's been cooped up in her room, in the dark, with her tablet watching youtube (I seriously regret giving this tablet now.) Refuses to do her homework, fighting with my mom about the homework, failing in her classes and always bullying her younger brother who is 7.

I'm just at my wits end with her and I took her tablet and erased everything in it and put in a password. She can't get in or anything and I am just trying my hardest here.

Any advice or help will be appreciated.

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Specializes in School health, pediatrics.

Does she have a therapist? Do you? I think this would be helpful for both of you. Also, if school work is a problem mayeb reach out to her guidance counselor at school. Parenting is a tough job, and she has a trauma that will always be a factor in herl ife.

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Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.
Does she have a therapist? Do you? I think this would be helpful for both of you. Also, if school work is a problem mayeb reach out to her guidance counselor at school. Parenting is a tough job, and she has a trauma that will always be a factor in herl ife.

We have thought of a therapist but my parents dismiss it because they are afraid that they'll get involved with our live and how we are living it.

Here's a small picture of my family. We are a Mexican family, my parents both came here in the 80s, with my father a resident and has been working in the oil rig industry for 20+ years as a machinist making parts. My mother is a Teacher Aide at my old elementary school for 18+ years and is a citizen and I have an older brother who is 36 and doesn't do anything with is life, except get in trouble. Right now we are in financial issues, and this is the reason why I took this job I have and got the certification I got because we were in need of money. We are living paycheck by paycheck because of my older brother, who is constantly asking for money and not wanting to own up to responsibility and has no papers.

We are close of losing our home that we lived 19 years just because we are failing on a lot of our bills. The problem now is that my older brother is hemorrhaging money, always having issues and in trouble, and can't pay his own bills and relies on my parents. Then this guy gets in trouble and if he gets caught with anything, he will be deported. My father loves his son more than life, so he's willing to become homeless for his son, and this causes a huge rift in our house.

So because of this my parents are worried about CPS coming, but the kids are safe in our house and we do care for them tremendously.

I am all for therapist for the family and her but I can't force anyone to do this and I don't want to do it against my family's wishes.

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Specializes in School health, pediatrics.

I may have misunderstood, who is her guardian?

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Specializes in School Nurse, past Med Surge.

Did she have any grief counseling? At the age she was when mom died, it would have been really hard for her to grasp the permanency of death. Now, she gets it. She sees her friends and their moms and she knows she's different. I don't remember which area of Tx you are in, but there are several children's grief centers in your state. I encourage you to go to Grief Support Programs | The Dougy Center and get your niece into a program. My family has been involved in starting a children's grief center in our area & we have seen some wonderful things happen.

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Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.
I may have misunderstood, who is her guardian?

Her dad is still legally her father, but they live with us because he doesn't want to responsibility. But he doesn't give us custody of them.

We are considered her guardians but not on paper.

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Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.

But tbh I was reading a lot on her behavior and I don't really think it's a grief thing. She has coped really well about it and we do talk about her mother. In my mind I think she's just doing this because she's going through puberty and that rebellious phase is coming early. Her mother may or may not part of this issue, but I don't think it is.

But just in case, I may find some counseling for her on this.

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Specializes in School Nurse.

Sorry about the situation. Families can be (fill in the blank).

Start with the counselor at school. They have small groups that talk about issues. Sounds like she needs attention. Make a weekly date with her, have your mom do the same. The date could simply be a walk in a park. This is a very emotional time for a young girl, probably on the verge of puberty, plus she has lost her mom. She needs girl support.

For the grades. The tablet/phone is a privilege. My son only gets electronics on the weekend AND only if he earns it by making an 85 & above on all school work. Next year it will be a 90. Start with whatever grade you decide on and go from there. Ask the teachers for help with getting her caught up and any strategies they may have.

Have you talked to your brother? "I feel like mom/dad are always giving you support, but did you know the water bill/mortgage/electricity has not been paid for 3 months? State how stress out mom/dad are with the possibility of losing the house. Always talk about how others are feeling - not what he is doing wrong. Ask him if he has any ideas of how to help family. The money needs to stop.

Have a family meeting. Write a budget (How to Create a Working Budget (with Examples) - wikiHow). Contact mortgage lender and ask for reduced payments. Stop using credit cards. Contact your (any) church for help with bills, typically they will pay utilities.

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Wow, I'm sorry. It sounds like you all have a lot going on. I thinks she and you would both benefit from therapy. Does her school provide counseling? One other thought- does she have any learning disabilities? When my son was 8 he had undiagnosed learning disabilities which led to bad grades and bad behavior. Good luck! Prayers that things improve.

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Specializes in Cardiology, School Nursing, General.

Thank you for the advice.

To Tining: I would talk to my brother, but he's very difficult. I believe he has diagnosed narcissistic disorder and because of this, you can't talk to him about these things or he will blow up on you. So I don't really rely on my older brother and I know for a fact he won't help with money because he rather care for himself than others.

I'm planning to do something about the electronics, while I like that idea, I'm probably going to do something similar to this but more of doing homework or she won't use any electronics at home. She'll probably say "I don't care" but she will.

To Jacquipals: I tried the whole counseling thing at her school, but it didn't work. At first they refused to help me because it wasn't an academic issue, until I mentioned to her that it is because she is refusing to do her homework and is doing poorly in tests. When she went to talk to her, she said she didn't say much and she basically didn't open up. Her teachers commented that she's good at school and her friends, so they are surprised on her attitude at home, but they are helping us as much as they can with school work because we have told them that she just doesn't want to do any homework.

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Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.

What are her grades in school?

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