Had my 3 month evaluation at work today (only been there for a year)
Have very mixed feelings about the whole thing. First of all I acknowledge that even with its faults, this is definately the best nursing job I've had. I'm proud that even though I've been in positions that have literally been nightmares, I haven't lost my enthousiasm for the work.
So anyway she (my manager), had a lot of good things to say about me. She says she values my initiative and admits that I'm probably the only nurse on my unit that actually follows through with the nursing process, and the only one who puts time into careplanning. I feel good having heard that, but it is the criticisms that bother me.
She says that the staff have a problem with my people skills. She says she has learned the hard way that you can't just jump in and change things, you have to pick and choose what to pursue, and if you think changes have to be maden you have to be very gradually and with a lot of warning. My co-workers apparantly feel threatened whenever I suggest doing something differently, or if I point out ways we've been doing things that are ineffective and/or potentially unsafe in the long run. Apparently people have complained that I'm "always preaching", and they feel that I am too critical. Things are getting better, but there was a time when I was getting a lot of hostility from the aides.
The atmosphere on my unit is nuts and is always very busy. For this reason, too many very important things have been left undone for too long. For example, people will be deteriorating, and I'll find that there has been no documentation of this. When I came to this LTC unit there were people whose careplans hadn't been updated for a year! My boss just so non-confrontational and easy-going. She does nothing when I complain to her. I feel like I'm being ignored, so sometimes I take matters into my own hands, and then I get flack! I get no support from her, nor from the other nurses. I'm just too contravercial and they don't want to get out of their comfortable little ruts.
This has made me very paranoid. Now I'm worried about how everything I say sounds to people. Truth is, I don't really know how to be assertive. I suspect that I'm being a little aggressive at times. Am I being too controlling? The truth is, I don't know how else to put things, and I don't know how else to bring about change. I'm inexperienced to a certain degree (been a nurse for 4 years), and I am not quite used to working with other people who aren't as gung-ho as I am. I work with people who have attitudes that stink, who shouldn't be in nursing, and I don't know how else to deal with them. I just can't stomach the idea of catering to the status quo! Granted I work with some people who are not educated (I'm talking no grade 12) and are maybe not aware of my motives for wanting to change things -- so naturally feel threatened.
My approach is the way I am. This is not just a job to me, I am here to learn! I'm trying to establish a career. I want to do evidence based nursing. I plan on going back to school, it's just not time for me yet. I need to get experience and earn money first. My way of doing things -- using my brain and my books is just too important to me. I can't just suck it up. Am I naive? Am I being unrealistic in thinking there's gonna be a place that believes in this approach? Am I going to be beaten down everywhere I go?
