Major Boundary Violation

Published

-I need a bit of candid advice. Long time listener, first time caller.

I've worked in the the mental health field for a while now. Mostly substance abuse patients. A few months ago I got a new patient who became very dear to my heart. I can't reallt explain why. We just bonded instantly - in a non-romantic way. I struggled to keep over- familiarity away, since that's a big no-no. Eventually he was moved for other reasons and it was a non-issue. I worried about him from a distance, but I knew I was too attached, so I stayed away.

-However, I saw him a week ago. He was depressed. Hurting. And that caretaking urge kicked in as strong as ever. I don't know WHAT I was thinking, but I went home to do christmas cards, and I sent one to him at our facility , in an attempt to be encouraging and uplifting.

-i regretted it as soon as I got home. Not only did I cross boundaries, but I broke a huge rule at my facility. I'm thinking about quitting. Should I really be working in mental health if I can't keep my distance? Maybe there's too much going on in my life right now that's causing me to need to take too much care of other people. I don't know. But I have no clue what to do now. Turn myself in? Quit? Ride it out since he'll be gone soon enough and learn my lesson? That's taking a chance that he won't turn me in or use it to blackmail me. I'm so embarrassed and full of guilt that I became "that person."

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Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

Welcome to allnurses

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

Turn yourself in to someone you trust . Boundary violations beget more boundary violations and it's a hard cycle to stop with manipulative populations or struggling nurses. You can get some help.

I haven't quite been in your situation, but I have been on thin ice in the past, which I shared in the "Dating a Former Patient" thread. Had I thrown in the towel and ran away, I would've lost an amazing career with patients I care for. I learned a lot about myself. I learned a lot about boundaries. And I learned a lot about codependency and how to NEVER get in that situation again.

If every nurse who ever screwed up quit, our hospitals would be quite empty!

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Specializes in psychiatric nursing.

It sounds like you may have some boundary issues for sure. You may not want to continue working in mental health until you can have professional boundaries. It's too dangerous for you, your license, and your patients.

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Specializes in retired LTC.

Do you have an EAP (employee assistance) representative/counselor at your place? Maybe just to touch base. You did come a bit too close.

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Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

I don't think you have to go as far as quitting, unless you wrote something in this card that went way beyond "Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays." But since you did by your admission break a facility rule, I would definitely own up to it now so it doesn't come back to haunt you. Start by talking to someone you trust.

I also agree that you should work on how to maintain healthy boundaries. Please remember that keeping boundaries doesn't mean you're unfeeling or uncaring. It's just that you are keeping the nurse/patient relationship safe and you are protecting both yourself and the patient. You also need to find other outlets for your stress because if what's going on at home is compelling you to get overly attached at work, then you've got too much going on. See if you can talk to a counselor or therapist.

And don't beat yourself up forever over this. We're human, we make mistakes. Forgive yourself and learn from it.

Best of luck.

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Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).

Hi Psychedoutnj. My name is Davey Do and I am a Boundary Violator. "Hi Davey Do!"

Welcome to AN.com and thank you for your Forthrightness. That's quite Something of you.

You've got some great Feedback, like Meriwhen's "don't beat yourself up", and if you're really concerned, seek Professional Advice. AmoLucia's EAP suggestion was Spot On.

We're Human Beings, we have feelings, and we are going to Err. Accept that Fact. Then Forgive yourself. Carrying around Unnecessary Baggage can really Weigh Down your Psyche.

Not to mention your doutnj!

The Very Best to you, Psychedoutnj.

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Specializes in retired from healthcare.

If you can get in trouble for sending a card I would like to know this. In my past work place, my visit to a patient with a card in hand went without notice and I never heard anything about it.

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