Hi all,
Hoping for some insight, support, advice. I have now been working LTC for 9 weeks. I am a new grad, had two weeks of training, and been on the floor on my own since then, hired as a charge nurse. The job has been challenging, to say the least. I have 24 residents I am responsible for, plus the challenge of Cna's who have been there for 15 to 20 years, and seem to have something against me from the start. NOT all of them, just a few. I was pulled into the DON's office today and told that as of today, she would not reccomend me for hiring at the end of my probation period. The DON is new, started 3 weeks ago. I was told that my proffesionalism was not good, (I was giving report and did not know that DHS was there, and my supervisor told me afterwards that it was not okay to complain in front of them, I was giving the usual report, what was and mostly what wasnt done, ect., ect., my fault, but I did not know she was there!) I also missed dressing changes on one patient, the last time her dressing for her peritonial cath was changed was on 10/01, she is gone for dialysis on Tues and thurs from 6 to 1, my shift ends at 3, the docs come in at 1 to give orders, anyway, bad excuses, I did mess up, but I work only 4 days a week, what about the other 3 days? When I told my supervisor I was feeling overwhelmed, Which I was, they never let me do anything, then they throw it at me and say, "Why dont you know how to do this by now?" Anyway,those are really no excuses for my mistakes, but to call my professionalism to task when I am still learning? And to be written up? I have been crying all day. I called in sick yesterday, I had vomiting and diarrhea in the morning, called in at 5am, my scheduling director called me at 8am to ask if I could cover Thursday, my husband answered the phone and relayed the message as I was vomiting at the time. I dragged by butt to work today, despite a fever, chills and sweats, sore throat and a headache that made me want to vomit more. I really should not have been in there, I wore a face mask so as not to kill a resident with this bug. I had confided in my supervisor about my personal problems, she acts like a friend, only to have this thrown in my face during my meeting with her and the DON. I feel so betrayed, so very stupid.
WHY? What are the expectations of a new grad? I have had one med error, it was a transcription error on my part, I have done my best to maintain my professionalism during harrowing times, (residents sister sobbing heartbrokenly beside me, dementia patient hitting me cause I had 'her' shirt on, constant yelling, sundowning which I only get the very first part of, I know, ) God I feel like such a dummy. If you cant tell, I am feeling so stupid, probably because I really thought I was doing a good job. Maybe not a great fantastic job, but a competent, safe one, as I learned how to become a really great nurse, you know? I feel like a failure.
I was written up for concerns about my professional demeanor, my inability to focus, and time management issues. I do understand the focusing issue, she told me I let to many things 'distract me', like residents screaming out "HELP, HELP". It has taken me some time to know which ones are really needing help, but while I am learning, and I dont know the residents that well, how am I supposed to know which "HELP" is real or not? The time management issue is because of the dressing change I missed.
The Cna's dont report to me, and last week I heard them commenting on a resident who was playing 'possum', and I dont know why, but I thought to myself, "Jeez, he always yells at them when they are mad", and I went to check on him, long story short, his blood sugar was 56, he was going into a diabetic coma, and they would have left him in bed. I ended up doing IM glucagon, his physician came in, I assisted him in doing IM dextrose, and he came out of it. The doctor told me he would have died. I feel like I have good instincts, if I am just given the chance. Now I am evaluating every thing I do and say, I am afraid to talk to anyone, and I am so discouraged I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life. I am so sorry to ramble on to everyone, I am just so hurt and discouraged, insulted and I feel so stuck. Sure, move on and find another job, and be a job hopper. To top it all off, my husband just lost his job.
Sorry everyone. Thanks for letting me vent. Friday I have to meet with the DON and my supervisor and give them my list of 'goals to hellp me succed in my job'. Half of me wants to walk out and say the heck with you. I have put my all into this, I am not half-***** with anything I do, and your expectations are ridiculous. The other half is to proud to let anything or anybody say I cannot do this job. In the meantime, I still have to pay the bills. and they wonder why there is a nursing shortage.
sorry about the typos.
Thanks for being here.
