Love the BON/PNAP HATE WHAT I HAVE DONE...

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Specializes in Med/Surg.

So I am realizing something over the past few weeks that I never thought I would even accept. I don't hate the BON or PNAP, I hated myself for doing what I did to land me in a monitoring program. Self-will run riot in the extreme sense of the word. I always have to correct myself when I say the BON took my nursing license because that is a very false statement, I gave them my nursing license by my actions. I got a letter today saying PNAP is changing the testing company they use and I instantly became concerned and irritated. I mean I just am understanding FirstLab's system and then they change it on me. Never mind that it was done to be more affordable in my mind I am thinking how dare they grrrr. Step back kiddo and breath...no temper tantrums, accept it. There are so many things worse (in my mind) they are going to ask of me but step back and look at my part in all of this I put myself in this. It is not their fault. This is my fault. I cannot form a resentment about this because I will just waste precious time and energy. I used to hate the BON, they were the devil to me. Today I am realizing how lucky I am to have this program, as a dear friend wrote here I should be in jail for what I have done, both as a nurse and after my license was surrendered, but I am not I am able to have an opportunity to recover. All things are happening for a reason today. I am sober today and things are being revealed to me sometimes slowly and sometimes quickly. (honestly it seems like I have learned a lot in a month and a week so a nice slow down and absorption period of learning would be nice but I will simply accept the pace as it comes) So yes I love PNAP and the BON in the way I love the AA rooms because without it I would not have had an initial reason to get sober and would not have met some amazing, supportive, REAL strong people. I am being disciplined everyday just like I will one day discipline my daughter and that is a blessing I did not deserve.

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We live in a dynamic world, everchanging. You seem to recognize that many things will change on your journey and that you have the power to "not" create resentments about them. This is a huge step in the recovery process. Good for you! Peace

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Wow to accept responsibility for your actions is HUGE. It's a tough part of the recovery process. I wish nothing but continued success.

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I'm in PNAP too but haven't been notified yet of the lab change. When is that to start?

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Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Good for you! Welcome to the new you!

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Specializes in long-term-care, LTAC, PCU.

PHMP/PNAP saved my life. Today I'm a person that I would have never been without pnap and narcotics anonymous. Now that I'm out of pump I continue to go to meetings. Today I am the ADON of my facility and have become a productive member of society. Acceptance is a beautiful thing

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Specializes in Med/Surg.

AiaRN I just got the letter yesterday from PNAP. I am out right now but when I get home I will get the letter to share it with you. Thanks everyone yes acceptance is a nice place to be because I don't feel so angry all the time, if I did something wrong it is so much easier to change then if I feel I was wronged if that makes any sense. HUGS

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Hat is PNAP

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What is PNAP

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Specializes in Critical Care, Hospice, Management.

I'm in PNAP too and haven't heard anything yet about FirstLab. PNAP is Pennsylvania Nurse Assistance Program for those in the voluntary recovery program. I certainly hope there's still a wide range of labs available!

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Specializes in critical care, ER,ICU, CVSURG, CCU.

ltc and dialysis are stipulation friendly

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Oh! Ok. I'm in a similar program through Nevada. I have a monitored license that was issued due to my past history of drug and alcohol abuse. My program is 3 years and has the same stipulations as PNAP. I only had a DUI on my record from 1997 and an open container from 2000. When I applied for licensure after nursing school I had to go before the board. I kind of spilled the beans about my past even though I hadn't used drugs since 2005. I knew getting my license with my past would be difficult but I am 10 months away from being done with my program. It was very difficult at first but really has been a god sent. I learned so much about staton sober and about how my lessons can help other people. Stay strong and don't give up. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

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