Last night/this morning was my first really bad experience at work. I mean, I have had bad ones, but this was the worst. I had a pt who was being induced at 20 wks for amnionitis. I was hoping she would deliver after I left, as I didn't really know how I would handle it. I checked her just before 7. She was complete and the baby was coming down. I called the doc, he checked behind me, told her to push when she felt like it, then said he'd be sitting out at the desk. He said he might not be there when it happened but he would come in to deliver the placenta. I was flabbergasted.
So I sat on the end of her bed, and delivered her dead son into my hands. It was one of the most heartwrenching experiences I have ever had to go through.
I am so sorry that you had to encounter this situation. (((HUGS)))))))) I will soon start on a L&D unit, and I know that things like this are going to occur, but I wonder if I will be able to handle it. I am afraid I am going to lose composure. I admire you for your braveness. You were blessed to have been able to comfort the mother. May God help you and the parents to deal with this loss. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope talking about it helps.
The same thing happened to me in my first few months as a new nurse. I bonded strongly with them for some reason and ended up staying the entire time, 17 hours. It just didn't feel right to change nurses. The intact bag of water with the baby inside started coming out when she was up to the bathroom. I helped her back to bed, holding the bag so it wouldn't break and then called the doctor. He was very compassionate. Took the small formed but featureless child to the lab.
I also consider it a privilege to be allowed to be a part of this.
Unfortunately it never really seems to get easier, but we do what we have to do. Like everyone said... it is important to focus on the mother and her needs. I have also thought about being the only one to hold that baby and be there for it. This is one of the reasons though that we are nurses and not doctors- to provide support in peoples worst moments and to be the pt. advocate.
Whenever any lay person says L&D must be such a fun place to work (which it is sometimes) I think of all the babies that have passed. I used to work in Peds Oncology and thought when I went to L&D that it would be easier, but it isn't. I think any loss from 8 weeks to 80 years is difficult. But we truck on and go to the next pt. and tend to their needs.
This is why I don't do L&D. I lost a full-term infant almost 20 years ago due to a neural-tube defect (anencephaly) that no one knew about until I was 2 weeks overdue. Then, a few years ago, we had a baby code in the nursery while I was working on the postpartum unit, and I almost fell apart all over again. I'd never seen or held my daughter---I was 25 at the time and couldn't deal with it---and seeing this little one die was like watching my own child's death. Thank God for folks like you, who are strong enough to help parents through some of the worst moments they will ever experience in their lives. I have nothing but admiration for you. Hope you feel better soon.
I haven't had personal experience with a miscarriage but I know enough to know that I can't work antepartum or L&D. I am doing my OB rotation right now and we had a lecture, just a lecture on neonatal loss. I was there, in the room with 8 of my classmates, just balling. The nurse who was giving the lecture (one of the best I've encountered so far) said that she has often cried right along with patients. She said that the hospital has special counselors you can talk to.
I work in the NICU and have been in many difficult situaltions, but never something like that...that doctor was a jerk, trouble is the one's who are never realize it.
But as many here have said you stayed with that family and what a good person you are for being there.
The nurse specialist who did our inservice said that the absentee OB doc syndrome was more of a rule than the exception at this hospital... she gave several reasons including:
1. Doctors don't perceive these pts to be in acute physical danger and conclude they don't "need" a doc around. This doesn't make any sense to me... isn't the risk of infection even higher?
2. "There's no hurry to deliver, after all the baby's dead"
3. Doctors are not well trained in the grieving process and don't have the emotional fortitude to deal with losses. (Copout!)
4. They don't get paid as much for a stillbirth delivery so they'd rather be delivering the high ticket items. (sounds very cynical to me, god help us if that's true).
I hope you are getting lots of loving support from your family, friends and coworkers... and add a big :kiss to all the others here from me.
nekhismom
1,104 Posts
I am so sorry that you had to encounter this situation. (((HUGS)))))))) I will soon start on a L&D unit, and I know that things like this are going to occur, but I wonder if I will be able to handle it. I am afraid I am going to lose composure. I admire you for your braveness. You were blessed to have been able to comfort the mother. May God help you and the parents to deal with this loss. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I hope talking about it helps.