Loss

dreamon · Dec 4, 2003

I am very sorry you had to go through that L&D.

((((HUGS))))

BarbPick · Dec 4, 2003

There are many more wonderful times you will have in Ob. You saw what very few see. What is more important is that you were your patient's advocate, the person she will never forget. In years to come , she will think of your often, and she will be very grateful.

Jolie, BSN · Dec 4, 2003

I am grateful that you were there for that poor woman. I'm sure you provided immense support and comfort to her.

Now, about that a$$hole of a "physician". Talk about patient abandonment! That is exactly what he did. He had an established relationship with his patient, and he walked out on her in her moment of greatest need. He should be reported for unprofessional and unethical conduct.

sophiemaecat · Dec 4, 2003

First of all, a great big hug to you. I've walked your nursing shoes in that very situation and my heart goes out to you. But you know what? Even in a situation like this, you were privileged to be there for that mom. I delivered a 16 weeker when the Doctor decided not to show up. The mom chose not to hold or see it. I sat holding this tiny creature in my hands as it struggled to breathe while it was still attached to mom inside via placenta as it had not yet delivered..As I watched the flutterings of his tiny heart beating I realized I would be the only human being who would ever hold him while he lived and hold him while he died.

Unfortunately, we all know we can't change those MD's and it sucks that they exist. Maybe they can't deal with it?

I'll be thinking about you.

L&D_RN_OH · Dec 4, 2003

Originally posted by sophiemaecat
Maybe they can't deal with it?

That is our theory. That since they can't "fix" it, they feel incompetent.

I was glad this baby passed through the night. His cord prolapsed at some point. I don't know how I would have handled watching him die.

Thanks for the support. They called to see if I wanted to be flexed off last night since we weren't busy. I gladly took it. Although I then felt bad, because I had wanted to go back to see her. I know she will be home by tomorrow night when I go back.

BarbPick · Dec 4, 2003

"I don't know how I would have handled watching him die. "

You will be suprised, a higher power takes over. Be it religion, or

intestinal fortitude, or just the expereince that time and nursing provides.

You focus on the Mom. It is a natural instinct. As far as watching him die, he was dead. And when that happens the Mother was spared horrible full term decisions.

As you gain expereince you will not feel so deeply and just think of this as God" tender mercy."

Here for you if you meed to talk,

Barbara

crankyasanoldma · Dec 4, 2003

It's a priveledge to take care of people during the very best and worst of times.

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 4, 2003

I, too, have delivered dead babies (fetal demises) into my own hands-----sometimes they come quickly, more so than a doctor can respond. It is never easy. OMG it is heart-wrenching, esp with 3 losses myself in 18 mo recently. I am sure your kindness and compassion came thru to that family. OB is usually a happy place but when things go bad, they go really really bad. BTDT....my heart goes out to you.

There is a good book in the list above called UNSPEAKABLE LOSSES....it helps us make sense of such losses as nurses and parents. I encourage you to read it! Hang in there, it was not easy, but you made it thru! I say a prayer for that family who suffered the loss.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Dec 4, 2003

This is why I don't do L&D. I lost a full-term infant almost 20 years ago due to a neural-tube defect (anencephaly) that no one knew about until I was 2 weeks overdue. Then, a few years ago, we had a baby code in the nursery while I was working on the postpartum unit, and I almost fell apart all over again. I'd never seen or held my daughter---I was 25 at the time and couldn't deal with it---and seeing this little one die was like watching my own child's death. Thank God for folks like you, who are strong enough to help parents through some of the worst moments they will ever experience in their lives. I have nothing but admiration for you. Hope you feel better soon.

jnette, ASN, EMT-I · Dec 4, 2003

(((((((((HUGS)))))))))

You were there for your patient... while it tore your own heart out, you were there for her and sharing her burdon was a comfort she will always remember, no matter how painful her loss.

So sorry.

Sable's mom · Dec 5, 2003

I'm so sorry that you had to face that situation. L&D is truly 'the best of times, the worst of times.'

I totally agree with those who said how much that mom will appreciate you - she may never say so, because it will be difficult for her to be reminded of the loss, but you will be in her heart forever.

If your unit has an RTS group, I would suggest that you contact them - they have many very good books and other resources. Also, many of the counsellors for RTS are experienced L&D nurses and can support you, too.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Linda

PS In terms of what to do if you have to watch a baby die - you give the baby and the parents all the support you can, make sure that passing is painless and supported, and cry with the family. :scrying: (I was blessed by being there for 16 week twins who were delivered on their parents honeymoon - no family around except these 2 young, bewildered parents. It was , in the end, a blessing to be the kind of nurse that I trained to be - able to really make a difference in someone's life.)