Lonely College Student

polka-dot, RN · Dec 2, 2008

The first year away from home can be very difficult...being homesick is very natural and common. Sounds like you are a bit depressed...can you visit the student health center and talk to someone there?

I wish I had some more tangible advice, but what I would do is not necessarily what other people would feel comfortable doing. Why exactly has everything fallen apart? Because you're so busy with school? Can you start a study group with some of your classmates? Do you do any kind of activities like run, play tennis or anything like that where you can participate with a group?

If you are indeed that shy, it might be helpful to learn some ways to get past it just enough to initiate conversations and open the doorway to more friendships. I wish you a lot of luck. Don't give up on school because of this difficult time. Explore the resources there...I am sure there has got to be something the school offers to help homesick freshmen.

Good luck!

vixnnet · Dec 2, 2008

I can totally relate, I am trying my best to keep my head up high while waiting to get into a program. I am pretty much alone since my boyfriend left for Iraq and I don't really get to talk to him. I can't seem to get the whole female bonding thing going still and I have been working towards this for more than two years (pre-req's)! I can't absorb my attention into video games like I used to to try to pass the time because I can't sit down long enough to do it because I always have something else I should be doing. Right now I should be finishing up my Biochem lab, but instead I'm lurking on these boards waiting to see if my boyfriend will log on so I can talk to him about this seemingly obvious depression. I am a little different as I don't have much family, a sister in another state that I'm not close with and a grandma which the relationship is the same. No parents and my workmates are just acquaintances. You seem like the type that wants a social escape and support system to help your mind ease down when stress hits you all at once. I'm like that, but I'm, at most times, socially extroverted when in the right environment.

PepeSilvia · Dec 2, 2008

No, I don't play any sports. I was going to join the concert band or marching band, but they didn't fit in my schedule. Yes, this may be a spell of depression, but doesn't everyone go through these little things? I know I'll get over it, but I just feel so lost.

And yes, my shyness is the problem. I'm been thinking I have social anxiety disorder for a while now, because little things make me nervous and scared, especially social things. I tried to be more outgoing, and I made some acquaintances, but no friends.

What I mean by everything falling apart, isn't so much that my work is too hard for me to maintain friendships. At the beginning of the year I had a group of friends that I would do things with. Shopping, parties, eating together. I even had a guy on my arm. But then my roommate ventured off to hang with other people, and got into a fight with another friend. Our little circle split apart, and now I don't talk to any of them. Honestly, they weren't even really friends, more of acquaintances. Now I only have one friend, and I'm really lonely. I was studying more when I was happy with my boyfriend and my friends. Now that they're gone, I'm less motivated. My grades aren't slipping- I still have good grades, but I just feel empty.

I'm afraid that my social anxiety and shyness is going to hurt me as a nurse.

9livesRN, BSN, RN · Dec 2, 2008

try to find other nursing students, see if they need help, or ask help from them??? maybe try to put together a student group or something like that!

you can always make virtual friends here on ALLNURSES!!! and i could be your friend!!! i get just like you!!!!

although there is no time for me to feel depressed because working FT and school FT leaves me a few hours to nap!!!

so... i do need to vent out and talk sometimes!!!

just wrap it up, and think on your future, you might hurt now, but you will "collect later"!!!

PepeSilvia · Dec 2, 2008

Yes, you are right. I talk to my friends back home a lot online, and I certainly can make friends on this forum :) It's just not the same as having friends to hang out with, you know?

Forming a study group is a good idea. I do attend supplemental instruction classes (extra help) and I made some acquaintances there. I know some girls already study together- would it be awkward if I asked to join them?

I keep telling myself I only have four more years. I can't wait to get my degree and start working. I feel that when this period of my life is over, things will be better, but I don't want to think of college as just something to get through- I want it to be fun! I want to have a good college experience, not just think of it as a transitional period.

But thank you for the advice :) I guess just knowing that everyone goes through these rough periods makes me feel like I can get through this. It will pass with time. Thank you.

Does anyone have any success stories? Like people in my position now, who got over it, and everything got better? Haha I think I need a fairy tale story!

dallet6 · Dec 2, 2008

Why would your units not transfer? That seems odd. I know everyone else is giving you suggestions about what to do to stay there, but I'm going to give you some ideas about going home. If your having that much trouble and are that depressed, your grades are going to reflect it. Your not going to do well, and that will affect your future prospects for nursing school. Your only 18 and in your first semester. You really havn't lost anything to redo the, maybe 4 classes you've done? It may seem like alot, but your young and its not. If your happy in your environment, you'll do well in school and that makes a huge difference when things get harder in your classes. I would look seriously into what would be necessary to transfer.

Basic sciences and liberal arts classes should transfer from anywhere. Only exception I can think of is from a nonacreddited school, and you probably don't want to go to one of those anyway.

CuriousMe · Dec 2, 2008

Yes, you are right. I talk to my friends back home a lot online, and I certainly can make friends on this forum :) It's just not the same as having friends to hang out with, you know?
Forming a study group is a good idea. I do attend supplemental instruction classes (extra help) and I made some acquaintances there. I know some girls already study together- would it be awkward if I asked to join them?
I keep telling myself I only have four more years. I can't wait to get my degree and start working. I feel that when this period of my life is over, things will be better, but I don't want to think of college as just something to get through- I want it to be fun! I want to have a good college experience, not just think of it as a transitional period.
But thank you for the advice :) I guess just knowing that everyone goes through these rough periods makes me feel like I can get through this. It will pass with time. Thank you.
Does anyone have any success stories? Like people in my position now, who got over it, and everything got better? Haha I think I need a fairy tale story!

I'm old now, so I don't remember a specific instance, but there are tens of thousands of success stories like you're speaking of.....I think that your story is one of the most common ones regarding the first term of the first year moving away from home and going to college. Real friends take time to make....this is only the first term of the first year of college.....Give yourself a bit of a break, you can make this work for you!

It would absolutely NOT be awkward for you to ask to join the gals in your supplemental instruction class. I know that I've met some of my best school friends through study groups...they're a great way to get to know folks.

I would caution you about the mentality of "when _______ is finished life will be better." This is life right now! Work to make it better now Truly, the things that make you unhappy in starting at a new school are very likely to make you unhappy when starting a new job, a new town, a new relationship, etc.... So, instead of working toward "surviving the next 4 years" work toward thriving! The ability to look at your life, assess what you like and don't, then take steps to make a difference is a HUGE life skill. It's all about choices....now that you've found a problem in your life, you can choose to stay that way (or go back home) or you can choose to take some positive steps toward what might make you happy (ie see someone at the health center, maybe join the study group, etc).

Personally, I think you can to use this experience and learn from it.....it will make you a better nurse and you'll learn some incredibly valuable life lessons.

I wish you the best!! Let us all know how you're doing!

Peace,

CuriousMe

PepeSilvia · Dec 2, 2008

I'm old now, so I don't remember a specific instance, but there are tens of thousands of success stories like you're speaking of.....I think that your story is one of the most common ones regarding the first term of the first year moving away from home and going to college. Real friends take time to make....this is only the first term of the first year of college.....Give yourself a bit of a break, you can make this work for you!
It would absolutely NOT be awkward for you to ask to join the gals in your supplemental instruction class. I know that I've met some of my best school friends through study groups...they're a great way to get to know folks.
I would caution you about the mentality of "when _______ is finished life will be better." This is life right now! Work to make it better now Truly, the things that make you unhappy in starting at a new school are very likely to make you unhappy when starting a new job, a new town, a new relationship, etc.... So, instead of working toward "surviving the next 4 years" work toward thriving! The ability to look at your life, assess what you like and don't, then take steps to make a difference is a HUGE life skill. It's all about choices....now that you've found a problem in your life, you can choose to stay that way (or go back home) or you can choose to take some positive steps toward what might make you happy (ie see someone at the health center, maybe join the study group, etc).
Personally, I think you can to use this experience and learn from it.....it will make you a better nurse and you'll learn some incredibly valuable life lessons.
I wish you the best!! Let us all know how you're doing!
Peace,
CuriousMe

Thank you so much! And you are absolutely right- this is a great learning experience for me, I suppose. I just wish it was over with already :uhoh3:

About my credits transferring- at the school I'd transfer to, I'd have to take A&P. The school I'm at now, those classes are separate. The chemistry classes are also different. I just don't know if it's worth transferring- I might just go through the same thing there that I am here! The only different is my parents will be about 5 minutes away instead of 3 hours.

blughst43 · Dec 2, 2008

:icon_hug:Hugs to you, figisawesome!

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Dec 3, 2008

*Hugs*

Parties aren't good places to meet friends- at least not for me. Chat with your classmates and try to set up study sessions. Does the nursing fraternity have volunteer projects? Taking a leadership role in organizing something is a good way to meet people.

And do yourself a favor- talk to a therapist. Many people go through spells of depression, but sometimes the spells will start to drag on and before you know it it's not just a spell but full-blown depression. I had a really tough time with college the first time around- it's a big change, an end of things being familiar, you start to feel small in the world.... it's much better to talk to someone early on and learn strategies for dealing with your new adulthood than to wait until you have a lot more baggage to deal with. My biggest mistake was not seeking help soon enough when things started to go south. I'm where I need to and want to be now, but I have a really rocky transcript and some regrets about how I did.

Taking some time off might be the right answer, but I think you should be very deliberate in whatever you decide- it can be hard to get back in to school when you leave, but if you are really struggling having a breather can mean coming back rested and ready to excel. You sound like you're fresh out of high school- it might seem like you have a timeline to stick to, but you have plenty of time to get through school. You also do need to learn to live without your parents at some point- if this is just a strong case of freshman homesickness, it might be a good idea to give it another semester and see if you can get more involved socially and get used to being more on your own.

And regarding transfering, you should at least get elective credit for the courses you've taken, even if they don't meet major requirements.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and I hope you feel better!

xlilchatonx · Dec 3, 2008

I'm sorry that I don't have much advice to offer you. You're only 2 years younger than me so I can very well empathize, I'm actually very afraid of homesickness, which is one of the reasons (aside from low tuition) that I'm glad I went to a community college first and THEN I plan on dorming (when I transfer). I agree a study group would probably be your best bet.

And NO, it would NOT be awkward for you to ask if you could join. I would HIGHLY recommend you do that, don't be shy or afraid, the worst they could do is tell you "no" (which I think is unlikely) and then you'll be NO different than you are now.

And the suggestion about volunteering is wonderful also. What about the people that you sit next to in your classes? Maybe you could ask some girls if they'd like to study together sometime?

Don't give up, I agree maybe you should talk to someone (think of it as a motivational speaker !) They may have suggestions because I'm POSITIVE that they've heard your feelings from students MANY times. My cousin went away to college (it was only 1hr 1/2) and she didn't talk to anyone (therapist or friends) and she ended up dropping out of the college when she was your age.. and now.. 10 years later (she's 28 now) she's finally going back. Look at this as a challenge, in a positive light. If you're shy, this will help you with your nursing to become outgoing! =) I'm sure you'll be fine because many students have been in your very same position.

if you need to talk (I don't know if you have myspace) but mine is in my profile, add me and I'd be glad to be your friend and talk to you, especially since you'll be taking the same classes as me!