Lonely College Student

Nurse Salt · Dec 3, 2008

I can assure you MANY college freshman feel the same as you! When I was a freshman I felt the exact same... Please don't change schools, I think you will learn a lot about yourself if you stick this out. One of the greatest lessons you learn in college is to rely on yourself for comfort (not you parents/friends/sig o's). Independence is not something acheived overnight, it will take time and some lonely nights! Although the supporting players in your life are important to share in your joy (and sorrow). Do not rely on them to make you happy... Learn to make yourself happy and people will begin to flock to you!

Sorry, I'm off my soap box now! I just know how it is to be in your situation and if someone had given me the same advice it would have made my early college experience MUCH better! Also, the advice of talking to a counselor is right on, they could be very beneficial in helping you adjust... Good Luck!!!

lovemeformexox · Dec 3, 2008

I know just how you feel... Except I actually am going to transfer schools. I'm 18 and in my first year of college majoring in Nursing, and I really don't like it here. When I first got here I was really optomistic about everything, I thought it would be great. Things didn't turn out that way... I feel like I'm naturally shy too (and I'm worried it will not be helpful at all if I'm going to be a nurse) and I just didn't make many friends. It's like there was something in my head that just made me keep to myself. I hated it. The first week I cried so many times, and I was really homesick. I thought about what I wanted to do for a few weeks, and I decided I wanted to transfer. I had such a hard time choosing between two schools, so I just went with one (I should've had better reasons that what I had... which still annoys me) figuring I could transfer if I didn't like it. And that's what I'm doing. I wasn't going to quit before the semester was over, and i stuck it out. Knowing I was transferring helped me stay focused, knowing that if I wanted to transfer my grades had to be good. The school I am transferring to now is much, much smaller, has an amazing nursing program, is much closer to home (40 minutes vs. 2 hours), and i already know a few girls that go there, one of whom is one of my good friends from high school, which will help me feel more comfortable with myself, and not so afraid to talk to new people.

I know most of the people in my family thought I was just homesick, considering I told them I wanted to transfer after only about 3 weeks into the semester, but I just new deep down this wasn't the right school for me- it was more than just being homesick. I knew I didn't like it here and I didn't want to put up with being here for four years if I'm going to be knee deep in loans for it. I'm still mad at myself and regret choosing this school, but at least it helped me realize what I wanted, and it wasn't this.

Now, on the other hand, I'm a little terrified that I have to start all over again, considering that I do have 'friends' at this school, who I talk to and study with, they just don't seem like they really want to hang out with me- they've got other friends. My roommates were nice, except that I'm in a triple and they get along better with each other than with me.

I guess my advise would be to just go with what you think is best- I don't think transferring is equal to quitting. You still have to start all over with people and go through everything again, which definitely isn't quitting. Me putting up with being here just to hope that I find a friend in the next four years doesn't seem that brave (but this depends on your situation, I already know some people at my other school, and nearly all of the people at the school are so much nicer than the majority of people I've met here- depends on your situation). Of course, I don't think it would be wrong to stay and stick it out- all depends on what you think is best. Having to take classes over again won't be fun (for me I don't think my Chemistry will transfer, as their system is different- but I don't mind too much). If you really feel that that school isn't right for you, think about what you'd rather have. Nowadays all I can do is think about how I can't wait to transfer to my new school, rather than being stuck here for another week. For some people sticking it out might be what's right for them, but sometimes it isn't, and I don't think it makes you a bad person for feeling the school isn't right.

wow... I blathered on forever there lol. I just thought I would offer up my advice on it, from the perspective of someone who did decide to transfer. Again, do what you think is best for you~

:) and if you need any online friends I'd be happy to be one. The more support the better! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

PepeSilvia · Dec 3, 2008

:) and if you need any online friends I'd be happy to be one. The more support the better! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!

Aww thanks! And it was really nice hearing form another perspective. I still am really confused with what I want right now. I just found out my roommate is transferring home as well. One of my best friends from high school transferred home, too. I still need to tell my parents.

One question, to anyone who can answer- the school I'd apply to is rolling admission, and I know the spots fill up really quickly. I remember I applied and got accepted there last year last summer/early fall, but chose my current school instead (bad decision). How long will it take for my grades this semester to hit paper for me to send? Like, how long does it usually take for the grades to get calculated and sent to you? I just don't want to waste any time, I suppose, since it is late into the year. I have my high school transcript, now all I need is my college transcript for this semester.

hiddencatRN, BSN, RN · Dec 4, 2008

If you want to transfer, apply now, and send an updated transcript once grades are in. Timing on that varies by school, and since you only have 1 semester of college, they might still look more closely at your high school grades anyway. Did you get mid-term grades or anything?

lovemeformexox · Dec 4, 2008

Aww thanks! And it was really nice hearing form another perspective. I still am really confused with what I want right now. I just found out my roommate is transferring home as well. One of my best friends from high school transferred home, too. I still need to tell my parents.
One question, to anyone who can answer- the school I'd apply to is rolling admission, and I know the spots fill up really quickly. I remember I applied and got accepted there last year last summer/early fall, but chose my current school instead (bad decision). How long will it take for my grades this semester to hit paper for me to send? Like, how long does it usually take for the grades to get calculated and sent to you? I just don't want to waste any time, I suppose, since it is late into the year. I have my high school transcript, now all I need is my college transcript for this semester.

I would also say to apply now- The school I wanted to transfer too was rolling admission (I had also applied to the school the year before, got accepted, and stupidly choose the other school), so I applied right away- at this point in time all i could give them was my high school transcript and a transcript of my current college semester classes (without the grades), and now I have to send my college transcripts again once the semester is over and the grades are in, so they can evaluate the credits (I just handed the transcript request for in today actually~). If you are applying before you've finished a semester of college, they pretty much just go off your high school grades to accept you, since that's all they can go off of before the end of the first semester. That's how it worked for me anyway. I re-applied to my school way back in September because I wanted to get the accepting part finalized- though I applied for Spring 2009 rather than Fall 2009.

Telling me parents sucked- I felt so guilty because it was my fault that I choose the school and I didn't like. (It didn't help that the school I will be going to costs around double the cost of the one I'm transferring out of- that's what I felt the worst about, since my parents aren't made of money...) But they were helpful with it all. I told them it was what I wanted and they were okay with it (My dad wasn't too happy, but oh well... He's not the one who's going to be paying off loans once school is done.. well, unless they help out at all lol).

Hope that helped a little. Definitely the sooner the better.

PepeSilvia · Dec 4, 2008

I would also say to apply now- The school I wanted to transfer too was rolling admission (I had also applied to the school the year before, got accepted, and stupidly choose the other school), so I applied right away- at this point in time all i could give them was my high school transcript and a transcript of my current college semester classes (without the grades), and now I have to send my college transcripts again once the semester is over and the grades are in, so they can evaluate the credits (I just handed the transcript request for in today actually~). If you are applying before you've finished a semester of college, they pretty much just go off your high school grades to accept you, since that's all they can go off of before the end of the first semester. That's how it worked for me anyway. I re-applied to my school way back in September because I wanted to get the accepting part finalized- though I applied for Spring 2009 rather than Fall 2009.
Telling me parents sucked- I felt so guilty because it was my fault that I choose the school and I didn't like. (It didn't help that the school I will be going to costs around double the cost of the one I'm transferring out of- that's what I felt the worst about, since my parents aren't made of money...) But they were helpful with it all. I told them it was what I wanted and they were okay with it (My dad wasn't too happy, but oh well... He's not the one who's going to be paying off loans once school is done.. well, unless they help out at all lol).
Hope that helped a little. Definitely the sooner the better.

Yes, it did help. Thank you! Hmmm now I wonder if they'll look back and see that they accepted me before. I even got a $5000 grant from them when I first applied. They also accepted me the very next day after I submitted my application! Do you think they'd look back at this in reconsidering me?

ncemt · Dec 4, 2008

Well, it sounds like you're already leaning towards transferring, but I just wanted to let you know that things do get better. I went from Texas (where I had lived in the same neighborhood since birth) to North Carolina for college, and had an incredibly rough first semester of freshman year. I'm such a homebody that my parents persuaded me to go somewhere farther away for college so that I would know that I could actually survive leaving my home and family, and it turned out to be a really good decision for me. I'm a junior this year and have definitely settled in to this school and really enjoy it here. One thing that I would recommend is to talk to the school to see if you can change rooms- they are often able to do this when the semester changes because people tend to get shuffled around a little bit. I had a horrible roommate experience my freshman year and I think the fact that my living environment felt so hostile contributed a lot to how miserable I felt. Best of luck to you, whatever you decide!

PepeSilvia · Dec 4, 2008

Good advice. But I absolutely love my dorm room- I have a suite with my own bathroom, shower, kitchen, and living room. I share it with 3 other roommates. One of the reasons I'm against transferring is losing all of this and having to adapt to the regular dorm life. But it's something I'll just have to look into, as the school I may transfer to has apartment and suite style dorms. I've never been inside of them before, but I'm sure it will be a downgrade.

I've made a list of reason to and to not transfer. The list grows everyday. What do you guys think? Are these good reasons?

Yes transfer:

-Closer to home, and some friends (I'll be able to go home on weekends, get home cooked meals, and do laundry at home)

-There's TONS more to do in my hometown then here (shopping, movie theaters, ect.)

-The main hospital for clinicals is within walking distance from campus, and there is a retirement community down the street.

-It would be much easier to have a car

-There is a built-in Africa study abroad program for nurses- something I desperately want to do

-I just don't feel like I fit in at the school I'm at now

-My current school is 3 hours away, and it's a HUGE pain getting home.

No transfer:

-I don't think many of my credits will transfer

-I've already spent so much money in this school, and the new school is more expensive

-I'll have to make all new friends (a very hard feat for me, considering most people would have already made friends by now)

-I feel like I'm backing out, and not becoming independent if I move closer to home

-My dorm here is so incredibly nice, and I like two of my roommates very much

-I'm in the nursing sorority, and I've put an incredible amount of work and some money into it. I'd hate to lose that (even though I still don't have any friends in the organization)

-The supplemental instruction classes here are extremely helpful, and I don't think the tutoring program at the other school is as nice

-I hear the food at the new school is terrible

So as you can see, the lists are pretty close in length, but some points have more weight than others. I really just need to talk to my parents about this, and get their opinions. They have always been extremely supportive of me, but I'm afraid to tell them I think I've made the wrong decision!

lovemeformexox · Dec 5, 2008

I would be pretty positive you could get in again (though that probably depends on whether you want to get in for Spring 09 or Fall 09...) Your situation with that school sounds a lot like mine (It costs more, they gave you a good deal off the cost, etc.) and I got accepted again.

Good advice. But I absolutely love my dorm room- I have a suite with my own bathroom, shower, kitchen, and living room. I share it with 3 other roommates. One of the reasons I'm against transferring is losing all of this and having to adapt to the regular dorm life. But it's something I'll just have to look into, as the school I may transfer to has apartment and suite style dorms. I've never been inside of them before, but I'm sure it will be a downgrade.
I've made a list of reason to and to not transfer. The list grows everyday. What do you guys think? Are these good reasons?
Yes transfer:
-Closer to home, and some friends (I'll be able to go home on weekends, get home cooked meals, and do laundry at home)
-There's TONS more to do in my hometown then here (shopping, movie theaters, ect.)
-The main hospital for clinicals is within walking distance from campus, and there is a retirement community down the street.
-It would be much easier to have a car
-There is a built-in Africa study abroad program for nurses- something I desperately want to do
-I just don't feel like I fit in at the school I'm at now
-My current school is 3 hours away, and it's a HUGE pain getting home.
No transfer:
-I don't think many of my credits will transfer
-I've already spent so much money in this school, and the new school is more expensive
-I'll have to make all new friends (a very hard feat for me, considering most people would have already made friends by now)
-I feel like I'm backing out, and not becoming independent if I move closer to home
-My dorm here is so incredibly nice, and I like two of my roommates very much
-I'm in the nursing sorority, and I've put an incredible amount of work and some money into it. I'd hate to lose that (even though I still don't have any friends in the organization)
-The supplemental instruction classes here are extremely helpful, and I don't think the tutoring program at the other school is as nice
-I hear the food at the new school is terrible
So as you can see, the lists are pretty close in length, but some points have more weight than others. I really just need to talk to my parents about this, and get their opinions. They have always been extremely supportive of me, but I'm afraid to tell them I think I've made the wrong decision!

omg, your dorm room does sound pretty awesome lol. Much better than being stuck with two other people in a non-suite type room. It feels wayyyy to crowded in here. When it comes to housing though, if that's a main reason to stay, do you think you'll be in the same situation/room/people for the next 3 1/2 years? And living in a dorm really isn't all that bad (just sucks for me because putting three people in a room meant for two is pretty tight), I actually kinda like it- just not really at this school. The people in my hall drive me insane...

The money thing sucks, and I feel the same way because I've already spent $6,000 for this semester, just to say I don't like it here and then transfer to a school that costs $11,000 a semester (the price alone makes me feel anxious) but at the same I look at in the way that I'm going to be the one paying off my loans, so I better darn well have spent that money wisely going to a school where I was happy and learned a lot and all that stuff.

As for the independent thing- I see what you mean with that, but at the same time I don't think of it necessarily that way. I like my parents, and I don't think it is childish for me to not want to be too far away from them. Just knowing that they are close is comforting- plus, you could still be independent. Being closer to home might teach you to know when you need to stay at school and work things out for yourself. I know that just because I'm going to be closer to home, it doesn't mean that I'll be coming home every single weekend.

I would think that you could probably join the sorority at the other school as well. I know i had planned on joining the group here, but I didn't have anyone to enjoy it with, so it didn't really matter. And for the making new friends- if you don't have as many friends as you'd like at the school your at now, then either way you'd have to make some new friends... I have to say that I am nervous about this for myself though...

And as for the food- in my personal opinion school food sucks everywhere... but that might just be me lol.

PepeSilvia · Dec 5, 2008

I would be pretty positive you could get in again (though that probably depends on whether you want to get in for Spring 09 or Fall 09...) Your situation with that school sounds a lot like mine (It costs more, they gave you a good deal off the cost, etc.) and I got accepted again.
omg, your dorm room does sound pretty awesome lol. Much better than being stuck with two other people in a non-suite type room. It feels wayyyy to crowded in here. When it comes to housing though, if that's a main reason to stay, do you think you'll be in the same situation/room/people for the next 3 1/2 years? And living in a dorm really isn't all that bad (just sucks for me because putting three people in a room meant for two is pretty tight), I actually kinda like it- just not really at this school. The people in my hall drive me insane...
The money thing sucks, and I feel the same way because I've already spent $6,000 for this semester, just to say I don't like it here and then transfer to a school that costs $11,000 a semester (the price alone makes me feel anxious) but at the same I look at in the way that I'm going to be the one paying off my loans, so I better darn well have spent that money wisely going to a school where I was happy and learned a lot and all that stuff.
As for the independent thing- I see what you mean with that, but at the same time I don't think of it necessarily that way. I like my parents, and I don't think it is childish for me to not want to be too far away from them. Just knowing that they are close is comforting- plus, you could still be independent. Being closer to home might teach you to know when you need to stay at school and work things out for yourself. I know that just because I'm going to be closer to home, it doesn't mean that I'll be coming home every single weekend.
I would think that you could probably join the sorority at the other school as well. I know i had planned on joining the group here, but I didn't have anyone to enjoy it with, so it didn't really matter. And for the making new friends- if you don't have as many friends as you'd like at the school your at now, then either way you'd have to make some new friends... I have to say that I am nervous about this for myself though...
And as for the food- in my personal opinion school food sucks everywhere... but that might just be me lol.

Haha yes I do see your points! And by my junior year I'd probably get an apartment, so I'd only be living in a dorm for another year. And I'd be applying for the Fall semester.

And yeah I guess I never thought about the independence thing like that. I guess I always associated staying close to home with being a baby about growing up >