location of Allnurses Hospital????

Home Health Columnist / Guide · May 18, 2002

I think the hospital should be located in Paradise, PA or Bird-in Hand ( real PA, Lancaster County towns). Only 1 1/12 hrs from my home!

I'm applying for Nurse Educator position...can't handle 12's anymore. Or Case management/Discharge planning as know the ropes.

fedupnurse · May 18, 2002

I don't know. I think we need our own country! The idea is that we won't have to cave to the beaurocrats and the dumb DOH regs that make no sense but they catch you on every time. I'm still thinking an Island, a big one, we'd all have to relocate. Either that or we have to take over an entire state and succeed from the USA. That might be a better way. We need to get cracking on this though. I don't know how much more of this place I can take!!!!!!!

Tephra · May 18, 2002

Woo-HOO! My resume is en route. LOL! :)

No more waking patients at 0400 for unnecessary "daily weights".

No more "full codes" on 103-year-old patients with multi-organ-failure. Lots of morphine, kindness, and RESPECT for these folks and their loved ones.

LilgirlRN, ADN, RN · May 18, 2002

OK, so if we have our own country...a nurse has to be president.. FREE healthcare for everyone! The maximum number of hours to be worked in a day, by law, will be 8. You get an hour for lunch. It doesn't matter what your job title is now, if you have RN behind your name you will remember how to be a nurse. There will be a nurses lounge where extra nurses will be entertained while they wait, just in case someone on duty has to leave for an emergency. since this is a fantasy... Our island nation is in the middle of the Caribbean, each female nurse has whatever figure she wants although no one really cares about what you look like, men love you for your brain on AllNurses Island. After you work your 8 hour shift, you take the teleporter home, where your maid has cleaned the house and the cook has made a five star meal for dinner. The nanny has tutored your children in the fundamentals..reading, writing, 'rithmatic, along with making sure they know their manners. All children are respectful to their elders saying yes ma'am etc. Two nights out of the week you have a candlelit dinner alone with your husband. He is handsome, articulate (smell seems to be really important to allnurses...I picked that up from another thread), he smells great. Since all the nurse's homes are located directly on the beach, after dinner you take a moonlit stroll, with the waves lapping at your toes....everynight on AI is a full moon. You go back to your home after your walk and go skinny dipping in your pool or hot tub (every home has one). Your super-romantic hubby, picks you up and carries you to your candle lit bedroom and makes sweet, passionate love to you for a couple of hours, with half of that being foreplay. Nurses are allowed to write their own prescriptions...each home has its own supply of Viagra, if needed. Afterward, if you like, the really great smelling guy holds you and tells you how wonderful you are until you fall asleep...if you don't like (Heather), he gets over on his own side of the queensized bed and goes to sleep. You awake to another sunny morning on AI, do a little Tai Chi or yoga just to get the blood flowing, take a bath in your whirlpool bath or get in the shower that has the waterfall type faucet. You don't have to style your hair, it dries in the style that is most flattering to your face. No makeup required either, remember, everyone loves you for who you are on AI, looks don't count. You go to work via the transporter, it takes 2 seconds from anywhere on the island. You arrive in the ED that is equipped with state of the art Hewlett-Packard (I love those guys) monitors. Everyone greets you with a smile. The max number of patients you can take care of in the ED is 3. The doc has been in to see your chest pain patient and asks that you do what she has ordered, "please". You start an IV with one stick and draw your blood, the EKG is done automatically via your wonderful HP monitor, the xray machine drops from the ceiling. Your patient is thankful to have you as his nurse and tells you so. You have your very own lab in the ED so labs are back within 30 mins. You look at the Xray and note a slight widening of the mediastinum and point this out to the doctor who has already seen the film, but didn't notice...she says "Oh thank you Nurse X, you caught the aneurysm that I missed and you have saved the patient's life, what would we do without such a wonderful nurse as yourself?" You reply "just doing my job". Your boss has witnessed this event and gives you a 10 dollar an hour raise. You stop her and say, all the nurses that I work with deserve one too, she says, "you know, you're right, thanks" All the nurses get a 10 dollar an hour raise she announces with glee, everyone cheers! And you think to yourself, just doin' my job. :)

fedupnurse · May 18, 2002

And it was just my imagination...runnin away with me....it was just my imagination runnin away with me!

You go LilGirl!!!!!!

Rustyhammer · May 18, 2002

LOL...LilGirl, you crack me up!

If our paths ever cross, I'm buying the margaritas!

-Russell

LilgirlRN, ADN, RN · May 18, 2002

Glad I can be some comic relief for my tired, overworked colleauges. Dreaming of a nursing utopia is kinda fun...I've always had an excellent imagination. Ok Russell, I'd love to have a margarita, coming to Alabama anytime soon? Wendy

fedupnurse · May 18, 2002

It does make it a little easier to get thru a shift in ICU with 24 beds 5 transfers out and 6 patients in (2 on balloon pumps) all in the first 5 hours of the shift last night. None of that crap will happen at Nursing Nirvana! Uh UH! First of all there will be no shortage of nurses because we will all be there. We will allr ecruit our colleages. Then we can sell our services back to our old facilities but do it our way! I need these supplies and this salary? What's that you say Suit Person? Not enough money in the budget? Fire one of the 982 Vice presidents! His salary should cover both my and my patients requirements!

LilgirlRN, ADN, RN · May 18, 2002

Yeah fedup, just think of all the wonderful things we could do for patients given just a meager pittance of hospital CEO's salary. Makes ya sad to know that someone is making that much money over a patients illness. The name of the game would not be $$$ on our little island, it would be this.... treat each patient as you would hope a nurse would treat your child...do unto others thing. Many patients don't need much more than to know someone gives a sh*t about them. :/ Wendy

thisnurse · May 18, 2002

i say we interview the PATIENTS...and their families.

it would be great to be able to say....if you arent going to comply with treatment....or if you are gonna act like that...you will have to leave.

sure would change a lot of attitudes wouldnt it?

ahh work would be so much nicer ....

mother/babyRN, RN · May 18, 2002

Hey everyone. Can I come and work there too? PM me your ideas and my author brain would LOVE to compile an outline!

Of COURSE none other than nurse respecting docs should be allowed through the doors....I think peer review works over managers although there are several wonderful managerial types on this board who probably could come too..

I vote for the main hospital to be someplace like Tahiti, with satellite facilities located just about anywhere any of us would like to go...

I'll send my resume!:)

semstr · May 18, 2002

I hope I am invited too, you definitely need a nurse, who speeks German and Dutch too.

I'd prefer something in the Ageis Sea, around Greece or something, there a lot of small islands to buy there.

Know something, I am going there in 6 weeks time, I#ll have a look around!! LOL

The ideas of Lilgirl are very appealing!!

See you then, Renee