Laugh Out Loud Funny

flygirl43 · Mar 17, 2009

Pt covered himself with Cannestan cream and feces and ran around the ward screaming like a ghost. Halodol!

ShayRN · Mar 17, 2009

I have many from my days as a corrections nurse:

Inmate who called me down to intake and booking 4 times with c/o SOB. Crime? orificen

19 year old who got caught shoplifting who begged me to send him to the hospital for his Asthma. Reason? He didn't want to go upstairs with "those people." Who, the crooks? Now we wouldn't want that would we?:chuckle

The guy who put 800.00 in a plastic baggie to go make a drug buy, then wanted ME to help dig him out so he can make bail. Umm, Nope, you put it in, you take it out. (This was when I reminded my cop buddies their mom's always told them not to put money in their mouths cause you really DON't know where it has been:p)

The pregnant girl who swore she wasn't up until the second when she had her 8 pound daughter. (even in labor kept insisting it was "gas")

mama_d, BSN, RN · Mar 17, 2009

I work tele, had a psych patient come in to be medically cleared before going to our inpt psych facility...I'll call him Loco for short.

The neurologist who got the short straw and was ordered as a consult is known as a difficult doctor to get along with, although he and I have never had any problem. Usually when he raises his voice, nurses tremble, but when he speaks quietly you know someone's really screwed up...I'll call him Dr. Difficult (okay, so I'm not that creative...but it's how you know this is a real story!)

So, Dr. Difficult comes in and says "What nurse has Loco?" After denying it a few times for giggles, I finally 'fess up and say "He's mine." Give doc a quick report on why consulted, etc. Tell doc that Loco is noncompliant, including with his NPO status.

Dr. Difficult goes in to see Loco. Comes out few minutes later and asks, very quietly, very dramatically: "Mama_D, can you tell me why Loco is drinking his hand lotion...while he's NPO?" As if it wouldn't be odd for him to be doing so with a diet order!

My only reply..."I told you he was noncompliant."

To which I got a colorful comment about "smart-*** nurses" and a laugh.

flygirl43 · Mar 17, 2009

Loved your story

jnrsmommy · Mar 17, 2009

It's about 1am, all is quiet. Actually having a good/boring night on the LTC side. I"m doing rounds, when I turn down the 3rd hall. Awful smell assaults my nose. "Where on earth is that coming from" I think to myself? Two doors down I find it. My LOL decided to have the largest BM I have ever seen, then decided that the room was too drab and she must paint with it. And paint she did! All over herself, from the top of her head to the bottoms of her feet, all over the bed, the walls, on and in the air conditioning/heating unit (it's the middle of winter, and the heat is on.. just imagine the smell in the room).

I'm standing in the doorway in utter shock. My only thought at the moment is that we don't have haz mat suits handy. This whole time, my LOL is just talking to herself (I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying). I inch my way closer as she starts to sing. As she opens her mouth, feces is falling out. "Ms. Picasso," I say, "what are you doing? You have stool in your mouth!" "Do I?" she replies. "Well thank God they finally served me something worth eating!!" she said.

That comment made the next 2 hours cleaning her and the room up so much more tolerable, because I couldn't stop laughing.

rngolfer53 · Mar 17, 2009

It's about 1am, all is quiet. Actually having a good/boring night on the LTC side. I"m doing rounds, when I turn down the 3rd hall. Awful smell assaults my nose. "Where on earth is that coming from" I think to myself? Two doors down I find it. My LOL decided to have the largest BM I have ever seen, then decided that the room was too drab and she must paint with it. And paint she did! All over herself, from the top of her head to the bottoms of her feet, all over the bed, the walls, on and in the air conditioning/heating unit (it's the middle of winter, and the heat is on.. just imagine the smell in the room).
I'm standing in the doorway in utter shock. My only thought at the moment is that we don't have haz mat suits handy. This whole time, my LOL is just talking to herself (I'm not really paying attention to what she's saying). I inch my way closer as she starts to sing. As she opens her mouth, feces is falling out. "Ms. Picasso," I say, "what are you doing? You have stool in your mouth!" "Do I?" she replies. "Well thank God they finally served me something worth eating!!" she said.
That comment made the next 2 hours cleaning her and the room up so much more tolerable, because I couldn't stop laughing.

Great story. :yeah:

Now, I've got to know what the food service staff said when you told them about her opinion of the regular fare. :coollook: And don't try to tell me you didn't let them know.:chuckle

jnrsmommy · Mar 17, 2009

Rngolfer, I did let the dietary manager know when I saw her that afternoon. She couldn't stop laughing either. To this day, we still share comments about it.

Actually, last week, I saw her and asked if we were going to have the Picasso special for lunch :chuckle

feralnostalgia · Mar 17, 2009

"what are you doing? You have stool in your mouth!" "Do I?" she replies. "Well thank God they finally served me something worth eating!!" she said.

hahahaha, that's wonderful.

southernbeegirl, BSN, RN · Mar 17, 2009

I have one about myself.

I was working 3-11 in a very old LTC building. i'll never forget, it was 10:10pm and the supervisor commented "it sure is quiet tonight".

I had a pt that needed an enema so i went to give it. we had the old kind of heat/air units in the wall under the window. pt's bed was beside the window. pt constipated and miserable and needed a soap suds enema. we used the old bucket kind of setup for enemas. I was standing by the bed priming the tubing into the garbage can but right over the heating unit. it primed quickly and i spilt some onto the control panel of the unit. i quickly wiped it up and becan to give the enema. a male CNA went with me to help me. we had both taken care of the pt for a long time so during the enema, all three of us were just chit chatting away. i had to start/stop the enema often due to abdomen distention. i had just clamped the tube for a moment and while we were all 3 chatting i started smelling this smell and the next thing you know WHOOSH! fire shoots from the heating unit!

the cna and i yanked the covers up over him and ran out of the room with him on the bed. i pulled the fire alarm but some of the CNAs didnt realize it was a real fire. i screamed at them "it's not a fire drill! it's a real f%$@^ing fire!!".

we ended up having to evacuate the whole hall from the smoke. we got the fire out with the fire exstinguisher. we had to move all the pts to the lobby area.

during this time i kept going to my pt asking "have you had a BM yet?". i was worried he needed changing because i had given him an enema. well he was more worried about me than himself. he thought i got burned when the flames shot out. he kept telling me "no" that he hadnt gone yet. all the while his girlfriend, another pt in the facility, stood by his bed and held his hand.

the fire dept shows up with the fire marshall. he goes to the supervisor asking "what happened??". the supervisor pointed at me and said "go ask HER!" i coulda died! lol

after a few hours all was fine and all the pts were moved back to their rooms.

the night shift supervisor was a horrid old woman. i hadnt been there that long so to her i was the "new nurse". she was the kind that had to watch your work and you had to prove to her that you wer ea good nurse. she rode me hard when i first started there.

i went home before all the pts were put back in their room. just so happend that the old supervisor personally took my enema pt to his room. and guess what she found.

yep...

remember that i had clamped the enema off just prior to the flames shooting out? when the fire started, the bucket was sitting in the bed where i'd clamped it so we had just pulled the covers over him, bucket and all. in all the confusion, i had forgotten the tubing was still up his butt!

to this day i have never lived this down, lol