I apologize if this isn't the right place to add this topic. I am new to this site. Lol.
Now, I see if this question may come off as silly. But I am a CNA in a LTC and I have noticed that since I started, when my residents pass away I don't feel anything about it. I know that the rule is to never get attached to residents because it is unprofessional, which makes sense. But literally everyone I have come across gets attached to certain residents and when they pass away, their whole day is ruined. However, I really don't feel anything (maybe surprised at times and then continue with my work). No matter how close I have gotten to the resident. Or if they're in pain I don't really feel sympathy for them but I will try my best to fix it. I feel like this makes me lack compassion for the residents which makes me nervous if nursing is for me, since I will be starting the program in a year. Isn't compassion a major characteristic for a good nurse? Or just because I don't get attached it doesn't mean I'm not compassionate? gah.
Sorry if this doesn't make sense. I just got home from the midnight shift and haven't slept.
I totally respect the need for emotional and professional detachment. But feeling nothing EVER for these people you knew...might be a problem. Maybe you are trying to so distance yourself that you aren't allowing yourself to feel at all. As a defense mechanism. I personally feel it is a red flag if you feel absolutely NOTHING upon the passing of people you have known and cared for.
But you gotta do what you gotta do. If this is the only way for you to carry on and provide good care for those that are still living, so be it.
...doesn't seem too unusual, but you might want to take down your real picture before posting things like, "I don't feel anything when my residents die." People who are not in healthcare could come across it and take it the wrong way.
Feelings are not experienced the same way by everybody. I don't think that empathy is a binary choice - you have it or you don't. Peoples' capacity for empathy/compassion exists on a spectrum, which may be related to their brain chemistry or the experiences that they've lived through. Lack of compassion can be a feature of autism spectrum disorders or several different personality disorders. Having a "disorder" is not necessarily a problem. It sounds like you act in a way that is compassionate, even if it based from a logical place rather than an emotional place.
Your experience sounds like it may be different from others in your facility, but that doesn't make it wrong.
I wouldn't worry about it too much. What matters more in my opinion is that you ACT appropriately. To give an example not related to nursing - I had an older friend of my son who lived with our family for a few years starting when the boys were juniors in high school. I made sure to treat him the same as my kids even though I didn't feel it. What mattered to me was that each child in the family was treated as an equal, and that I was fair. I even made sure to tell him I loved him when I would tell my kids the same, just so he felt as special as they did. I believed every human should feel loved by their mother-figure.
People worry too much about how they feel and it really doesn't matter for the most part, unless somebody is behaving in a harmful way due to lack of feelings.
When I worked peds onc sometimes I cried after a shift when a child died, sometimes not. I always figured that was my own personal business.
I work in LTC, also, and I rarely have any lingering emotions about the passing of a resident, even when I've formed a bond with one. Death is a part of a person's life, and, as I'm sure you know, it is often the kindest thing to happen to one who is stricken with an end-stage illness. As long as you treat the resident with compassion and respect while they are living, I don't think you should worry about your lack of emotion at these events.
I am a peds ICU nurse and honestly try very hard not to form attachments at work. I'm nice and pleasant and take good care of my patients, but hardly ever get past the "small talk" phase with families. People ask me how I do my job and I'm not just depressed all the time, and really that's the answer. Even other nurses ask how I don't form attachments like that, and my answer is,"I don't request to have them every shift I work and I come in and do my job, while trying not to cross my mental line."
Honestly, everybody deals with it differently. I think it's fine, honestly. As long as you can still be comforting and caring to the family after if you need to be. But we all cope and deal in our own way.
I don't get super emotional when a patient dies. I believe it's more from an acceptance of life and death as a natural phenomenon not to be feared but embraced, rather than a cold stoicism, that perpetuates this attitude in me.
I sent a 13 year old home yesterday for her last Christmas. She has a rapidly progressing metabolic disease. I feel sad for her family that will have to carry on with her for the rest of their lives but mostly I feel happy for her. I am happy that she has a family that recognizes that the end is near, that did everything they could to get her home for her last Christmas and that has decided to keep her comfortable for the rest of her days.
Horseshoe, BSN, RN
5,879 Posts
I totally respect the need for emotional and professional detachment. But feeling nothing EVER for these people you knew...might be a problem. Maybe you are trying to so distance yourself that you aren't allowing yourself to feel at all. As a defense mechanism. I personally feel it is a red flag if you feel absolutely NOTHING upon the passing of people you have known and cared for.
But you gotta do what you gotta do. If this is the only way for you to carry on and provide good care for those that are still living, so be it.