I don't know what I am going to do!! I would like to vent here if I could, so here it goes. I been on this site many times describing to you the awful time that I have been having with my 12 year old son. I have five children and a single mom. I know when I posted the last time I got a lot of comments on why I made the choice to have so many children. I wasn't offended, but I did make the decision when I was married to have a big family. Well, to make a long story short my 12 year old was arrested for pulling a knife out on his brother. I called 911!! I live in affordable housing, which is a federally ran program. Since I live in a affordable housing the property manager told me that the community, in which I live, has zero tolerance for violent crime. I had completed a renewal form for this housing project and one of the questions on the form was if anyone in the home was ever arrested under the age of 18. Well, I am a honest person and I am signing a legal document I had to put yes. My son is also on house arrest, which make even more diffcult, so since i am living in a federally ran program the property manager told me that I could be served a 3 day notice. I will find out today the results. I can't sleep!! I called his probation officer to let him know that he has been defiant with me and he still continues to give his school problems(thank goodness it's spring break now). I also told him I could lose my housing. The probation people had said that everything is he does is my fault. I know I will be getting a lot of feedback about this, but I have not created this behavior for him. I have an 11 year old who is doing great and a 17 year old who is also respectable. I just don't know what happen to this one. I know every child is different, but this one was woven from a completely different cloth. I also just started Nursing School. I got a 5,000 dollar scholarship to attend. I am extremely proud of myself, but right now I am sick to my stomach of what is happening. I found out today if I get served a 3 day notice. My other children don't deserve this. I paid the remainder of my tuition, book and supplies, so I really have not save any money in case this happen. I don't know what to do!! I just want to tell everyone thank you for your feedback. I am so nervous. I don't want to be homeless. I worked so hard to get where I am at. I can't sleep this has been a nightmare.
When mine was acting similiarly I got a surprise from the cops when they told me I had to put up with the behavior until the child turns 18. I was not in government housing at the time but was in an adults only complex that I had to talk my way into. Then the kid puts me in that position. Not a care for the kid. I was told to breathe for the date that the 18th birthday occurs. Don't know if that was good advice or not. Best wishes to you that you survive this.
Specializes in Family medicine, cardiology, hematology.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!!!! I agree with the advise of others in regards to the boot camps. Several of my friends through the years have had to send their kids for some "tough love". Almost all of them came back respectful productive members of society.
I cannot believe the "powers that be" only have to give 3-day notice. That is unreal, especially with children. Most single people can't find alternate living arrangements in that amount of time.
Best of luck to you and your family! You can do anything you set your mind to do!!!!!!!!!
My heart goes out to you. It is true that whatever our children do before the age of 18, parents are responsible for. That's not the same as saying "it's your fault." It's not your fault, it's his fault. But you're still going to be held liable for his actions. Not fair at all.
My oldest child was high maintenance from the womb. He can walk into a room and suck all the positive energy out of it. He creates chaos wherever he goes. It really got going around age 12 and by 15 he was threatening me and telling me how much he hated me daily. At one point we even considered sending him to foster care, had the papers drawn up and gave him 48hrs to decide whether he would toe the line or continue being a disruption in our home. It was baaaaaaaaaddddd. Fortunately, he did see the light and things got...more stable. Not much better though. Last summer we had a parting of the ways. He is an adult and we don't have to put up with his **** anymore.
I have a cousin who is going through this same thing with her 11yo. They've had to call the police innumerable times. The cops finally suggested to her that she consider applying to the court for "unruly child" status before his behavior lands HER in debt or in jail.
It's really a shame when one kid decides to turn the other way. Just like adults, kids know their own minds. Sometimes their choices and decisions are bad ones and they hurt people. All my kids were raised in a loving, Christian, 2 parent household. They have had various lessons, never wanted for food or shelter, have had cultural outings. I read aloud to them well into middle school. They didn't watch much TV and had no access to video games and computers. My DD16 was been so easy. Dhe never asks for a thing. She is self-organized, has empathy, is dependable and helpful. Parenting her has been a blessing. My DS23, and I love him with my life, has provided me with more grief and pain than I could imagine. He is not sympathetic toward those less fortunate and he's only in relationships for what they can give him(including with us.) His love is always contingent on whether you're giving him things. Both kids were raised under similar circumstances but their personalities are totally different.
Sorry, when I write in despair I seem to get really nervous and have errors in my writing. I have eight children total. I have a 23, 22, 20, 19, 17, 14, 13, and 11 year old. I only have 5 of my children at home. My 19 year old is in college and my 17 year old will be graduating this June. I appreciate your comment and I am sorry for the mistake.
Hello Community,
Not fair at all. 
caliotter3
38,333 Posts
When mine was acting similiarly I got a surprise from the cops when they told me I had to put up with the behavior until the child turns 18. I was not in government housing at the time but was in an adults only complex that I had to talk my way into. Then the kid puts me in that position. Not a care for the kid. I was told to breathe for the date that the 18th birthday occurs. Don't know if that was good advice or not. Best wishes to you that you survive this.