Just started Nursing School and could be homeless!!

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:crying2: Hello Community,

I don't know what I am going to do!! I would like to vent here if I could, so here it goes. I been on this site many times describing to you the awful time that I have been having with my 12 year old son. I have five children and a single mom. I know when I posted the last time I got a lot of comments on why I made the choice to have so many children. I wasn't offended, but I did make the decision when I was married to have a big family. Well, to make a long story short my 12 year old was arrested for pulling a knife out on his brother. I called 911!! I live in affordable housing, which is a federally ran program. Since I live in a affordable housing the property manager told me that the community, in which I live, has zero tolerance for violent crime. I had completed a renewal form for this housing project and one of the questions on the form was if anyone in the home was ever arrested under the age of 18. Well, I am a honest person and I am signing a legal document I had to put yes. My son is also on house arrest, which make even more diffcult, so since i am living in a federally ran program the property manager told me that I could be served a 3 day notice. I will find out today the results. I can't sleep!! I called his probation officer to let him know that he has been defiant with me and he still continues to give his school problems(thank goodness it's spring break now). I also told him I could lose my housing. The probation people had said that everything is he does is my fault. I know I will be getting a lot of feedback about this, but I have not created this behavior for him. I have an 11 year old who is doing great and a 17 year old who is also respectable. I just don't know what happen to this one. I know every child is different, but this one was woven from a completely different cloth. I also just started Nursing School. I got a 5,000 dollar scholarship to attend. I am extremely proud of myself, but right now I am sick to my stomach of what is happening. I found out today if I get served a 3 day notice. My other children don't deserve this. I paid the remainder of my tuition, book and supplies, so I really have not save any money in case this happen. I don't know what to do!! I just want to tell everyone thank you for your feedback. I am so nervous. I don't want to be homeless. I worked so hard to get where I am at. I can't sleep this has been a nightmare.

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Specializes in mental health, military nursing.

That's a difficult situation to be in, and the kind where everyone is apt to blame you (I work with a lot of families in similar situations - it's not all your fault)... I'll pray you get good news today. Hang in there!

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Specializes in nursery, L and D.

I thought we left the days of always blaming the mother in the 1950s........guess not, huh? It sounds to me that you are trying to improve your children's situation and show them that they can have a good life if they work at it. No one is perfect, and as parents we all make mistakes, but blaming you for all you sons problems is not the way to fix them. These people need to be helping you with resources to fix the problem, not inducing guilt because you are having problems.

I was 18 with two small children, a alcoholic husband and praying everyday that the car would start to get me to school and work and we would still have power when I got home while I was in nursing school. At 19 I was an LPN and working full time while finishing the RN program. It was so hard and I had my parents and grandparents doing childcare and helping out so I was a lucky one. I know if you keep doing your best it will work out for you, and hopefully you will be telling us your success story and laughing about the hard time your son gave you "back then".

I'll be thinking about you today and praying you and the children won't have to scramble to look for housing. Good luck and keep us posted.

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I really don't know what to say, but I felt compelled to give a reply. My prayers are with you, I really hope things work out for you. I am a single mother of 1, and she can be a handfull, Kudo's to you for raising five.

You can't blame yourself for his behavior. As parents, our responsiblity is to teach them respect, accountability, and the rules of life. As they grow older they are responsible to carry out the lessons they have been taught. Kids/Teens have a mind of their own and sometimes they stray. As parents we can't blame ourselves for every bad choice they make.

Please keep us posted how things turn out with your housing situation

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it is not always the mother's fault, since my younger sister has a whole bunch of issues that neither I nor my older brother had. My brother is finishing his PhD in computer science and I have a BA in Psychology, going back for nursing. She couldn't care less about school. She has not made it one year without failing at least one class and never does homework, just does well on exams. She has also involved herself in some unsavory groups of people and has engaged in very bad behavior out of school. Her discipline problems even got so bad that she came to live with me across the state as a last ditch effort to save her grades and her future (my parents are moving out here, as well. They just need to sell the house...). She has improved a lot, but failing is still what she does and I don't know what to do. I am far more strict than my parents and she does listen to me, but being told what to do and being disciplined only goes so far if being lazy and not caring is just ingrained into your character.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I am just trying to let you know that it isn't all your fault. Some kids are, like you said, cut from a different cloth. The only advice I could offer is to be strong and try to work it out as best as you can with the methods you are given. God has a plan for everyone and he has one for you.

Also, where is the father on this? I'm sorry if this is a sensitive subject.

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Specializes in LTC.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. It just makes a difficult situation even worse. Hopefully this is just one small pothole in the road of life for you.

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I am sorry there are so many obstacles right now in your way. I know it will be hard but try to go to school. You have to think about the other children and the life you need to supply them. I am sincerely wishing you the best today. Try to negotiate with the property manager. If you are a good tenant, ask whether or not they would allow you to stay if you son is in therapy or is placed in some kind of boarding program for at risk kids.

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no one should be blaming you as everyone said....as parents our children can really put us through some difficult times, believe me i know! so with that said, not to be personal, but where is dad? many boys NEED that male figure, even if its not their biological dad..do u have brothers, father, uncles that can assist? also can you take out a PINS (persons in need of supervision) on him...he would have to meet with an officer/social worker every so often...if he violates, then they could pick him up...not that its what you want of course, but it shows that you are trying to correct his behavior and seek help at the same time...plus like you said its not fair to your other children...also have you tried sitting down and just having heart to heart talks with him...give him some you and him time without the other children? he may definitely need your undivided attention! he's only 12 and things can turn around in his favor NOW! who are his friends? is he hanging out with children that are not good company? whatever he enjoys doing, please get him INVOLVED in something positive...i could go on and on, as my daughter (15) is giving me some problems...teen years is a difficult age, and im doing everything i can to turn her back on the right path!! its NOT too late, your not at fault!! also is it possible that your son has any type of disorder that needs to be addressed? i know this doesnt solve your immediate problem of your home situation, but again he is just 12..talk to your housing manager and explain how you are getting the help he needs and deserves! and if worse case scenario happens get yourself an legal aid lawyer ASAP!! you do have rights!

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That's a difficult situation to be in, and the kind where everyone is apt to blame you (I work with a lot of families in similar situations - it's not all your fault)... I'll pray you get good news today. Hang in there!

Thank you so very much for your reply. I will keep you posted. I am so worried it's making me sick. :crying2:

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Specializes in Dialysis, Long-term care, Med-Surg.

When kids act out, sometimes it can be from a dramatic situation that has happened to them that the parent(s) may not know about. I know from experience, because I was one of those children. Try talking to him or asking him has he ever been abused in ANY way.........I pray in Jesus name that God gives you wisdom on how to handle your children and every situation you are going through! AMEN

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I thought we left the days of always blaming the mother in the 1950s........guess not, huh? It sounds to me that you are trying to improve your children's situation and show them that they can have a good life if they work at it. No one is perfect, and as parents we all make mistakes, but blaming you for all you sons problems is not the way to fix them. These people need to be helping you with resources to fix the problem, not inducing guilt because you are having problems.

I was 18 with two small children, a alcoholic husband and praying everyday that the car would start to get me to school and work and we would still have power when I got home while I was in nursing school. At 19 I was an LPN and working full time while finishing the RN program. It was so hard and I had my parents and grandparents doing childcare and helping out so I was a lucky one. I know if you keep doing your best it will work out for you, and hopefully you will be telling us your success story and laughing about the hard time your son gave you "back then".

I'll be thinking about you today and praying you and the children won't have to scramble to look for housing. Good luck and keep us posted.

Blaming the parent is never dead for some people. I really admire you, it is so diffcult to work and go through the program just like your doing. I take my hat off to you:D. I was so shocked to find out that they had set me up to take the blame for my son. My son was in Juvenile hall for two days, he showed remorse for what he had did, but then he completely went back to the same person. He laughs that he had taken me down these paths with him. He wants so bad for me to lose everything I have. I also lost my hospital job on the 14th of Feb, because of this mess. I really admire your courage and your willness to push forward. You have a lot on your plate too. I don't want to give up becoming a Nurse. I enjoy people and I was told once that this was my calling. Oh yeah, everyone has been asking where the dad is in all of this. Well, he lives about 300miles from us. I did take him to court about 6 months ago before this all happen. He expressed to the family medator that he had no place to live and couldn't keep my son at the time. But all of the is a bunch of talk, the medator didn't believe a word he was saying. My ex has been with the Department of Corrections for about 15 years, he makes a pretty good salary. The reason why we divorced was, because he has a daughter who is 14 and I have a son who is 14. He carried on with many affairs through our married life. I stayed in this mess for the kids. I been divorced now for 14 years. I am happy being divorced. I have never dated or remarried after those years. i just want to concentrate on my family and get my nursing degree. i will be praying for you also. What year are you in in Nursing School?

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Specializes in ICU/CCU.

Two words--BOOT CAMP. You are not equipped to deal with a kid like this. You have too much history together; he knows what buttons to push. Find him a place where his behavior won't fly, where he has no choice but to follow the rules, where his poor choices won't hurt anyone but him. Find him a program. If your income is low enough, it shouldn't cost you a thing. You have a responsibility to protect your other children and yourself from this kid. How do I know this? I used to BE that kid.

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