Just need to vent...

[chasingmydreams]

I have a situation that has kept me sleeplessly tossing and turning all day so who better to turn to then the wonderful folks at AN!! My schedule is 12 hour nights on Sun, Mon and Tue. This past Friday my brother-in-law passed away VERY unexpectedly and too young (64). He was a wonderful man and a fixture in our family and never sick a day (victim of the widowmaker). Needless to say our family is devastated. Arrangements were made over the weekend. When I went into work last night for my first night the ADON was there, as was MDS. I looked to see who was the nurse on call and it was MDS (our protocol is to call nurse on call with these situations). As she was there I began to tell her my situation and that I would need Tuesday night only off and was planning to work the first two nights of my week (of course I was already there). As I am explaining this to her she starts to smile! I stopped what I was saying and said "this isn't funny" to which she started to laugh! I again said " this isn't funny...you are laughing at me?!" That only made her laugh harder!! The ADON was shocked and tried to cover for her saying "she isn't laughing at you she is just laughing because of having to deal with so many schedule issues". Seriously...she does not even make the schedule but she did have to come in yesterday to cover a call off. I am sorry she had to work a Sunday but did I deserve to be laughed at?? She never did apologize, express sympathy or anything...they both just told me to wait til after midnight and call the next on call nurse.

Sooo....I called the next nurse (who actually does nurse schedule) right away instead of waiting til midnight and explained the situation and told her I would try to find coverage for the night. She told me to try Nurse A. I called Nurse A and she was happy to cover for me as long as she was approved for OT because for the past month OT is a felony punishable by death (OK not really but close). I sent a text message to nurse on call as when I earlier called it was very noisy and she was obviously enjoying her day off and I did not want to further bother her since she really was not on call yet and also others have said it is the best way to contact her. So I thought I had just this one night off and then I was scheduled off the rest of the week to deal with my family issues. I came home this morning and have tossed and turned with too much on my mind and just sad. I look at my phone and there is a text....can I switch a day instead of just taking off because they need to eliminate the OT. Seriously?? While I have been there less then a year in that time I have never called off, never been late, never had anyone complain about me. I try to do my job the best way I know and help my fellow coworkers when I can. Can't I now just have the time to grieve with my family?? Isn't that why companies have bereavement time...so we may mourn and began to heal with our loved ones? My question is what do I say to her?? Is it unfair to go in tonight and say "No...I am asking to take off one night and have the rest of my scheduled time off to be with my family". I am sorry this is so long and hope I have not rambled on. Thank you all.....love AN and learned so much from you all over the years!!

[merlee]

Although inappropriate, I believe that the person who laughed was not doing it because anything was funny, but was having a reaction to a bad situation. There are some people who react this way. It's actually a common reaction for some cultures. She should apologize at some future time.

However, I agree with other posters who say that the facility should be pleased that you worked the 2 shifts, and only want the one shift off. Take the time you and your family need to deal with this.

I am truly sorry for your loss, and want you to take care of yourself.

[MamaCJRN]

I'm so sorry for your loss, it makes it even more difficult when those around you ignore your feelings.

Does your job not have funeral leave? Our hospital gives you 32 hours paid funeral leave when an immediate family member dies. Even if it was not an immediate family member, you should never be expected to find coverage or trade, it's a death in the family.

I can't understand your ADON allowing you to be treated that way.

[Isabelle49]

Years ago, my mother was not doing well and was expected to die any day. I worked in recovery room and told my manager about my mother, well before she was imminently terminal. On the day that I got the call from my sister telling me that the doc said any time now, I told my manger, who replied, "Today would not be a good day for your mother to die"! I could not believe I heard her say that. What an idiot. I don't work for that hospital anymore.

[nrsang97, BSN, RN]

I would first like to say that I am sorry for you and your family's loss. I agree that they should let the nurse you asked to work for you work. If they decide not to let her work because it would be OT, then that is their problem. If they wont give you the day off then call off sick.

As for the one laughing at you, she should apologize. Totally not cool.

I think I would find somewhere else to work after this.

I can't understand how management expects us to be there for our patients and family members, but not want to support us to be with our family when needed.

[Medic/Nurse, BSN, RN]

so sorry for your loss. it seems that you have dealt with both heartbreaking loss and heartless louse.

i am giving you a "gift" from 20 years of hard earned experience. please consider carefully, sure - it's free - but, i paid and paid for it. i hope that you will get more timely benefit than i did.

be with your family. in 20 years - you will not remember the shift/who filled in - but, you will remember being with those you care for and love in this difficult time. in the event you should "decide" to ignore your needs (as many nurses do every day) and work you will remember that as well - though it will greatly add pain and regret.

take the time you are entitled to - period. you need it. it's yours. use it.

management has a problem - let them solve the schedule "hole" - that is why they get the management goodies.

as for the "laughing" - i'd consider writing it up as a harassment issue to corporate - i don't know if i would do it - but, if this person cannot follow expected "norms" when dealing with exceptional situations you may do corporate a favor by letting them know. i'd sit on it a bit and decide when my perspective returns (not just when i'm feeling raw, though i cannot ever feeling that the way she responded would be okay or understandable with me) - is this person otherwise a great person, good and fair manager, team player - i just cannot imagine anyone keeping a job when they lack that much "self-awareness". so sorry you had to endure that on top of your loss. wow.

may you find strength, blessing and comforts in the coming days.

:angel:

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

Chuck a sickie (as we say in Oz) - take a sick day in other words. Go to your GP/PCP and say you are way stressed out & get a sick note. As long as u have a sick note there is nothing ur employer can do about it.

I would just ignore this person who laughed - what weird behaviour - and just concentrate on my family. U have tried to do the right thing by them and they have not responded in a professional manner. You need time to get thru this sad & stressful time.

Staffing is management's problem, let them deal with it all and don't you worry.

I hope u get thru OK :) Let us know how u get on, and come back on here soon!

[kenyacka]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I wouldn't recommend just ignoring the text. If nothing else, you'll be worried about that during your time off. You said she asked if you can switch? Asking is not telling. Just say no. Just tell her "I'm sorry, I need this time away to be with my family. I only need one extra day off, but a trade is not an option at this time." Leave it at that. As for the one who laughed? Let it go. There's never an excuse for that kind of behavior, but you never know what she was thinking at that time. She may have cried herself to sleep after she thought over that conversation in her head and she may feel terrible about it. She may not. But, in life you can't control the inputs, only your reaction. Kill 'em with kindness! Now, stop worrying, get off the computer, and take time for yourself and your family!

[SeeTheMoon]

I am so so sorry for your loss. There are no words to describe the cruelty you were dealt. I can't imagine laughing at someone at a time like that. I applaud you for keeping your cool. I'm a Jesus loving woman but I'm not sure I could have held my venom back if someone had reacted to my tragedy in such a way.

I'm with everyone else. Your job is important but family cannot be replaced. ( one of the many issues I have with corporate America and their demands.) Go be with your family, the replacement is your job's problem at this point. You went above and beyond in my opinion.

[LisaRN1105]

I'm sorry so many people were insensitive to you about this situation