Jealous Wife!!!

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My wife is kind of a jealous woman. I have never given her any reason for this because I am completely faithful and committed to my wife and family. I am going to be starting a BSN program soon and then on to working as an RN. My question is, is the fact that the majority of my classmates and later co-workers are going to be women, going to strain this issue even more. I have no problem with my wife conversing with other men and I do not get jealous when I see them checking her out. But this isn't the case with me. I have never, will never and haven't ever thought about being unfaithful. What's the deal? Any advice?

Thanks in advance!

MH

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Specializes in ER.

Probably! You will develop close relationships with your co-workers and co-students as a matter of survival. You will be working on group projects that require meeting after classes. If your wife is not a nurse or in the medical field, you will have a hard time venting and unwinding after a stressful day.

I'm not saying it won't work out, I just see it as a possible problem that you already seem to know may develop.

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if she is already this way, nursing school will most likely just escalate the way she is. Nursing school is not only stressful on the person going, but the entire family and stress generally makes the worst come out in a person. I suggest that maybe you do some couples counseling to confront these issues before you start nursing school. The better your private life is during nursing school, the more successful you will most likely be. Believe me, you don't want to add any more problems or conflict on top of nursing school.

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Specializes in Flight, ER, Transport, ICU/Critical Care.

Hey there "Murse" guy -

Sounds like there are some issues. Like you, I work (and generally have) in a field that is dominated by the opposite sex. (The guys are everywhere!)

I sure wish that I could give you the advice that will make everything better - but, I don't think any magic answer exists.

IMHO Jealousy is usually some manifestation of insecurity. I find that it unrelated to love, respect or commitment.

Sure, there are gonna be "girls" everywhere - and if you are inclined to _______ it is going to be easy to do. After all, at "work" we are "different" than at home. Our co-workers see us at our best most of the time - groomed nicely, engaged professionally, etc. AND sometimes our working environments are intense with all that "lifesaving" we do ;) - it is not that difficult to imagine a scenario that makes you really attractive (and vice versa.) Boys will be boys and girls will be girls - and sometimes you do find that you are drawn to another. The key is NOT to act on it. In my experience the opportunity is always there - but, if you take the opportunity - you will have to be prepared to deal with the consequences. :omy:

As for the "spouse" that is not involved in the field and that making things difficult d/t the "lack of understanding" or whatever. Well, that can cut both ways. My husband is not/and has never been with EMS, law enforcement, fire service, medicine, nursing or any associated industry. We started dating well before I became an EMT (I had been in PR/Marketing). We "dated" 21 years before we married 3 years ago. I'd like to tell you that it has been "easy" and that we never had any "jealous" type issues - but, I would be a liar. I think that he did the best he could most of the time. Sometimes, it was beyond difficult and frustrating. We kept the communications open, he respected me enough to know that I was 100% serious about the job. I am blessed that he loved and respected me enough to overcome his reservations.

Like you, I am committed. But, "jealousy" is the other persons issue. Period.

Just recognizing that the potential for "attraction" can exist in this industry is to be prepared act in a manner that lessens its impact on your current relationship.

I try not to bring work home. I have friends that I can talk shop with - the vast majority are guys. (My husband calls 'em my fan club!). I have had a few "develop a crush on me" over the years, but I just make the boundaries of friendship real clear. I have never had a prolonged problem. But, the hubby does not want the gory work details - so, I do everything I can to keep my home a sanctuary.

I think that if you are both willing that counseling could help you both communicate your feeling/concerns in a safe manner - with a neutral party. I do know that you will be happier if you can get your relationship to a better place with the jealousy issue. (I've seen folks get 20 - 30 calls a shift from the SO - just checking in! And that WILL impact your career, I promise). I say actively work to solve the problem before it gets too big!

Best of Luck -

Practice SAFE!

;)

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Specializes in inpatient rehab (general, sci, tbi, cva).

Just recognizing that the potential for "attraction" can exist in this industry is to be prepared act in a manner that lessens its impact on your current relationship.

This can happen in ANY industry, not just healthcare. You may need counseling on this issue with your wife from someone you trust and who both of you respect--be it a member of clergy, formal counselor, etc.

You will need to leave the house to be a nurse. You will have female patients, some of whom may be attractive to you. I'm no psychiatrist, but it sounds like there's some serious anxiety going on here.

It is also important to remember the following.

1. The importance of your relationship with your wife. Remember, you need to invest in that relationship (time is most important).

2. You can lose your license if you get involved with a patient.

3. You can lose your job if you get involved with a co-worker, depending on the work rules, etc.

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Specializes in midwifery, NICU.

Mursehopeful...previous posters have given some great points. All I can say is, why are you talking to us about this and not your dear wife? You obviously care deeply about her feelings, so dont waste time babe, get together with your darling, and reassure her that shes the best woman you ever knew. if shes secure in your arms, then it will all fall into place..... Best of luck to you in your shared future!

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Specializes in Tele.
Mursehopeful...previous posters have given some great points. All I can say is, why are you talking to us about this and not your dear wife? You obviously care deeply about her feelings, so dont waste time babe, get together with your darling, and reassure her that shes the best woman you ever knew. if shes secure in your arms, then it will all fall into place..... Best of luck to you in your shared future!

Sometimes a jealous person is in total denial that they cannot be reasoned with. so that is why mursehopeful is posting for advice here.

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Specializes in Tele.
Probably! You will develop close relationships with your co-workers and co-students as a matter of survival. You will be working on group projects that require meeting after classes. If your wife is not a nurse or in the medical field, you will have a hard time venting and unwinding after a stressful day.

I'm not saying it won't work out, I just see it as a possible problem that you already seem to know may develop.

I agree with the above statement.

I had a classmate who's wife with so so so jealous, in the beginning of nursing school he was very happy, he used to say how much in love he was with her... blah blah blah.... well, towards the middle of nursing school, I guess that she was so so jealous, anytime one of us called him, he would get into trouble with his wife...

so he just told us to stop calling him, he ended up dropping out of our study group, he also started drinking.... and now two years later, he is divorced (with a child), and no RN degree.

so definitely talk things out, counseling, or something.

you don't want anything to get in your way of becoming an RN.

remember, people come and go.... but your RN degree is with you forever, and no-one can take that away from you.

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Specializes in Medical Surgical.

I wish you the best, but I foresee trouble. Nursing student relationships are very intense, and a nursing class shares experiences in a way the families don't understand. Best scenario would be if there is another guy in the class you can hang out with for all those times when you just have to have a partner and/or work in a group for projects, etc. And it would be even better if that guy had a wife that could bond with yours. I hope it all works out for you.

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My husband has friends in his workplace that deal with the same situation as the OP. He is a teacher and out of 127 staff only 5 are men. Two of his male co-workers have jealous wives. One is in counseling and seems to be getting on the right track, the other is getting a divorce.

I would say that if you want to make this marriage work while in nursing school and beyond you must seek professional help now.

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Jealousy is something that most relationships have. I agree with the other posters that professional help is most likely something that the two of you are going to want/need to explore.

As someone who has had jealousy issues, and is dating someone who can have these same types of issues (what a match lol:icon_roll), we leave work and school AT work and school. It works well for me because I study better on my own then with other people. Also, being open does wonders. For a while, a girl that worked with my SO was making trying to get him to hang out with her, sliding in comments that were rather unappropriate for someone to make, and when he made it clear to her that he was happy with me, and definitly not intrested in her, she got ****** and tried to file a sexual harrassment suit on him. Becuase he had been open with me and told me everything that was going on ahead of time, there was a minamul freak out from me. Later on she dropped her suit...she had no one to back her up, and most of the employees said that HE had enough evidence to file on on her instead.

Jealousy is a REALLY hard issue. My best friend is an extremly jealous person. She'll check her husbands email accounts, and freaks out over the littlest things. He gives her the account passwords and just lets her be her, becuase she has always been like this, and he loves her, even if she is crazy lol. His policy is that he has nothing to hide. Should he have to do this? Not at all, but he does because he loves her anyway. It all comes down to what YOU are willing to deal with.

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Specializes in CVICU-ICU.

I think the problem lies deeper than nursing school also and that this issue of jealously will affect your relationship no matter what aspect of life you look at it thru and usually jealously only gets worse as time goes on. Jealously stems from insecurity on the jealous persons part and often times it is the jealous person that really has something to hid however someone once pointed out to me a very good point to ponder----Relationships are built on trust...without trust you might as well not have the relationship........when someone is so jealous that it affects the relationship than they are basically saying that they do not trust you.

Men and women must co-exist in all aspects of life.......I want to know the person Im spending my life with trusts me without doubt so therefore if jealously occurs then they might as well just tell me that Im not trusted.

We cannot control other peoples behavior so if a man looks at me or talks to me or asks me out I can most certainly let the man know I am not available. If my husband gets jealous to the extent of making me feel not trusted then we have some bigger issues than him being jealous because he needs to trust me to do the right thing.

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