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Discussion

Is it selfish?

Hi all, although I just posted about getting some positivity around nursing, I am not currently feeling positive = ( Yesterday I gave Norco to a post op pt and I didn't see she had already gotten IV Tylenol 90 mins ago in pre-op. Our order set has oxycodone and Norco but says don't give Norco if pt got IV Tylenol. pt was allergic to oxycodone. No one thought it was a big deal but I hate making mistakes and always ruminate on them even if no harm to pt. It's the second minor med error I've mad at this new job within 7 months. I only made 2 errors ever in my 5 yrs at the hospital, one was a double dose of vitamin B and once an "underdone" of PO morphine (obviously easily fixed LOL)

This job is non union and seems easy to get fired. My boss actually said don't report minor stuff because he has to put it in your file. I see other nurses only report big stuff like falls, needle sticks, significant med or procedure errors. I still submitted an incident report. I have a terrible guilty thought that I wouldn't mind getting fired and doing something else, although it would be embarrassing and distressing. I am the primary income and provide health insurance for my partner. I feel if I were single I'd quit and do a lower paying job and downsize while I figure things out. If I can't even handle this low stress outpatient job, I don't think I should be a nurse. Is it selfish to ask my partner for us to live somewhere cheaper for a bit so I can figure out what to do next?

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    • Featured Replies

    NO it is not selfish. Being a nurse is so selfless and when done for years, can wear on us.

    If you can swing it and get out, (if it's harming you mentally or physically) I say get out. I am closing in on retirement and God willing, I will be done with my body intact. A few backaches but mostly together.

    Good luck. You are NOT selfish in my eyes.

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    • Author
    Just now, SmilingBluEyes said:

    NO it is not selfish. Being a nurse is so selfless and when done for years, can wear on us.

    If you can swing it and get out, (if it's harming you mentally or physically) I say get out. I am closing in on retirement and God willing, I will be done with my body intact. A few backaches but mostly together.

    Good luck. You are NOT selfish in my eyes.

    Thank you! I'm glad you're almost there and (mostly!) still intact. It would be a big ask, as in moving from a nice apartment in SF to probably a tiny one in an "undesirable" area, and losing amazing practically free health insurance. But I am still thinking about it. Too bad serving salad can't be a long term career...

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    I would love to just be a barista. Yes the public is rude and demanding but if I hit one for getting my coffee wrong, the cops would haul my butt away, rightfully.

    I am tired of abuse by patients/family and some administrators.

    It's sad cause I loved nursing up until about 5 or 6 years ago and now it's just wearing on me.

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    • Experts

    No more selfish than me asking my medical nurse Belinda who is three years my junior and expects to work until she is 65 if I could retire after getting fired from Wrongway Regional Medical  Center when I was 63.

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    • Experts

    I think your stress comes from your high expectations of yourself and your fear of letting others down.

    Honestly you need to stop ruminating on minor errors.  They happen and you obviously learn from them.

    You described your current job as low stress and with great benefits.  Do you really want to throw away that baby with the bathwater?  And then suffer the guilt of moving your family to suboptimal habitation?

    Repeat after me:  "I work hard to be conscientious but I will never be infallible."  Now treat yourself to a pedicure and a hot fudge sundae and carry on.

     

     

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    • Experts

    If you believe it takes a lot of gall to ask your partner to live somewhere cheaper, LibraNurse, perhaps you could call yourself, in addition to being an all nurses member, a....

    gallnurses.png.24bbb9f271557be20b34131263503e24.png

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    • Author
    26 minutes ago, TriciaJ said:

    "I work hard to be conscientious but I will never be infallible."

    That is a great slogan! The charge nurse made me tell anesthesia about the extra Tylenol and I pretty much got an eye roll hahaha. I think as nurses we are our biggest critics. Well, some of us. My coworker who worked as a medic in Iraq and in level one trauma ER/ICU in Oakland was laughing at my stupid incident report. He said he once drew blood from an ICU pt's line that was running epic drip, tanked the BP and had to stand at bedside micro blousing epi for 30 mins and still didn't write it up. Apparently the pt survived and went home... pretty good for someone who losing a few ml of epi was so bad for LOL 

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    While I don't believe that it is selfish to ask your partner I would consider all aspects before making that jump. It might, in the end, cause more problems and stress r/t the loss of income and insurance. That said, is there a reason your partner cannot step up, not criticizing just asking. I get sometimes that is not possible (I myself had to quit/retire sooner than I had intended) but just asking if that is a possibility. 

    It sounds like you need to stop being so hard on yourself!! If your manager told you not to make incident reports than by all means just stop. When I started nursing nobody made such a big deal out small errors when no harm was done and IMO it wasnt necessary. 

    If it was me I would de-stress yourself (I like Tricias slogan!) in your current position and see how that goes before making a literal move and changing jobs. (And I say that as someone who has jumped from the frying pan right into the fire!)

    Good luck!

     

     

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    • Author

    @Daisy4RN Thank you for your advice! My partner works full time as a special ED teacher which is her total passion in life, and is in school full time also for a master's degree to be able to move up a bit in the school system and make more. Sadly there is little money in education, even with a master's. I will always make more money as a nurse, at least where we live. I could beg her to get an MBA or learn how to code and work at facebook or Google (there is a Google buster near our house!), but I know the world needs passionate and talented special ED teachers. 

    It's a privileged position to be in to even be able to become a nurse in terms of being a US citizen and being able to get a BSN. I think complaining is a bit selfish in terms of that point of view now that I think about it. Especially reading all the posts about people who are severely stressed working bedside. I will work on managing anxiety/perfectionism and having gratitude for my job. thanks! 

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    7 minutes ago, LibraNurse27 said:

    but I know the world needs passionate and talented special ED teachers. 

    This is so true, I have personally seen the difference a good special ED teacher can make. My granddaughter has CP and now has a great one after having a bad one. Kudos to your partner.

     

    10 minutes ago, LibraNurse27 said:

    will work on managing anxiety/perfectionism and having gratitude for my job. thanks

    This is always a good idea where ever you end up (even if making salad or coffee) but I still think you can make the current job work, or at least try first.

    Wishing you well!!

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    • Author
    17 minutes ago, Daisy4RN said:

    My granddaughter has CP and now has a great one after having a bad one.

    I'm glad! Makes such a difference. 

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    • Experts
    5 hours ago, LibraNurse27 said:

    Hi all, although I just posted about getting some positivity around nursing, I am not currently feeling positive = ( Yesterday I gave Norco to a post op pt and I didn't see she had already gotten IV Tylenol 90 mins ago in pre-op. Our order set has oxycodone and Norco but says don't give Norco if pt got IV Tylenol. pt was allergic to oxycodone. No one thought it was a big deal but I hate making mistakes and always ruminate on them even if no harm to pt. It's the second minor med error I've mad at this new job within 7 months. I only made 2 errors ever in my 5 yrs at the hospital, one was a double dose of vitamin B and once an "underdone" of PO morphine (obviously easily fixed LOL)

    This job is non union and seems easy to get fired. My boss actually said don't report minor stuff because he has to put it in your file. I see other nurses only report big stuff like falls, needle sticks, significant med or procedure errors. I still submitted an incident report. I have a terrible guilty thought that I wouldn't mind getting fired and doing something else, although it would be embarrassing and distressing. I am the primary income and provide health insurance for my partner. I feel if I were single I'd quit and do a lower paying job and downsize while I figure things out. If I can't even handle this low stress outpatient job, I don't think I should be a nurse. Is it selfish to ask my partner for us to live somewhere cheaper for a bit so I can figure out what to do next?

    Is it selfish to want to be happy in the one and only life you've been given? Absolutely not. The older I get the more I'm realizing how much time I've wasted due to stress and fear. 

    I do have one suggestion. I recently started an online course that is free through coursera called "The Science of Wellbeing" and it is helping me understand what truly makes people happy and what we believe makes us happy, but doesn't. It's teaching me my strengths and mindfulness. No I'm not affiliated with this course or coursera at all, but I'm really getting a lot out of it. There isn't a grade you get or anything like that, it also is take it at your own pace. 

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