Let me preface that I am about 7.5 months pregnant. This is a vent as I am unsure if this topic has been discussed before. If it has been, please humor me.
I have an obvious bump. Let's just say that a few times, I have been caught off guard by people who have rubbed my belly or have attempted to rub my belly. It makes me feel so incredibly violated. If the person is a woman I know and at least asks, I don't mind at all. However, when the unsolicited toucher was my fiance's male co-worker, it sent chills down my spine. We were at a wedding. Both my fiance and I were just too shocked and annoyed at the same time to react at all.
Upon telling my female supervisor that I was pregnant when I was about 3 months along, I let her know ahead of time that I do not want to be bombarded with belly rubs or probing questions. I am incredibly private and I wanted my privacy respected my colleagues. I suppose she felt she was the exception to my wishes. Every time she would see me, she would ask the most intrusive questions. She even asked if my fiance and I were getting married. She is incredibly religious but still, that is highly inappropriate and judgmental and not at all a professional question to ask in the work place. She would also ask me questions about pursuing nursing school and how I would pay for child care. Her words and tone of voice implied I owed her some sort of an explanation and that if I cared about my child, I'd abandon the prospect of nursing school altogether. Seriously?
I suffered with some terrible allergies in the beginning of my pregnancy. As a responsible, educated woman, I pursued information and knowledge from my OBGYN rather than turning to google or facebook for information. She and her nursing staff told me what was okay to take and I followed their advice. My boss felt completely okay with interrogating me about my allergies and what medicines I was taking. When I would tell her what I was taking, she would flat out imply my OBGYN was wrong and that I was hurting my baby by having the audactiy to seek any sort of relief from my terrible allergies. Why do I owe anyone an explanation for such a personal topic? She would even make comments about my backside and tell me how I don't look pregnant from behind. This often involved asking me to turn around so she could basically see my behind!
One day, she runs up to me giggling like a blithering idiot and reaches out with both hands to rub my belly. This was the last straw for me. I backed away and put both hands over my belly and asked her not to touch me. She looks at me, shocked, and responds "oh you don't like that?" with an offended tone of voice as if I were wrong for not wanting to be touched. She then proceeded to ask me to turn around to see my backside and I begrudgingly obliged. Since this whole incident, she has left me alone. I find it deplorable that she acts as if I was the one who was wrong for not wanting to be poked and prodded and having my privacy invaded. What I've written here doesn't begin to cover how uncomfortable she's made me feel.
I told my OBGYN about the belly touching and the behavior of my boss. Sadly, she told me she hears stories like this all the time from her patients. Unsolicited advice, probing questions, belly rubbing, rude comments. Things most people wouldn't dare say or do to a non pregnant women. It makes me so mad that pregnant women have to go through things like this. I am a human being, not an incubator. I have the right to my privacy and to have my personal space protected. When you reach out to touch my belly without asking, you aren't "feeling my baby". You are being rude and presumptuous by not respecting me enough to ask. Why is it that I am the rude one or the hormonal pregnant lady who needs to chill all because I don't want to be touched or answer a million questions that are no one's business? Never in a million years would I dream of treating a pregnant woman in such a way. Whenever any of my girlfriends were pregnant, the most that ever came from me were compliments and a congratulations. I didn't take that as an opportunity to bombard any of them with questions that weren't my business or unsolicited advice. I kept it at just being happy for them and supportive. What is it with people thinking all boundaries and decorum aren't an issue when it comes to pregnant women? I just don't get it.
Advice? Stories? Thoughts?
OB nurses and nurses in general, have you encountered any patients who voiced similar concerns?
I disagree wholeheartedly. As women, we do not get pregnant for the amusement of other people. I think the people who cross the line and think it's okay to rub someone's belly don't stop to think " would I try rubbing her belly if she wasn't pregnant ?" Of course not! Because it would be inappropriate! Just because we cannot hide to the world what's going on while pregnant doesn't mean it's a free for all. Just because it's amazing and beautiful doesn't give anybody a free pass to disregard someone's personal boundaries. I may be wrong but I got the impression you haven't experienced this first hand... If I'm correct then all I can say is revisit this thread down the road if you are pregnant-I promise you, it will get old with a quickness! Even though pregnancy can be wonderful there were many moments that I felt out of control of my own body- like it wasn't just mine anymore.. Mix that emotion with strangers coping a feel? No thanks;)
I had my daughter 6 years ago. Didn't mind one bit. Like I say different strokes for different folks. :)
First of all, I never said I gave her my medical history. She would basically ask me questions about my allergies and me thinking it was no big deal, I would answer them not expecting an additional load of questions. She basically implied I was harming my baby by taking Benadryl at the advice of my OB. I've known this woman for a while. She is one of those pious, holier than thou types. I'm not saying that to judge her. I'm saying that based on her actions and some of the things I've heard her say. Frankly, I don't think a supervisor should even be asking such a question. But I suppose that's a difference of opinion between you and I.
Second of all, I didn't come to this board for the purpose of telling strangers my business. I came on here because of my being anonymous and because I thought I could get some sound advice because well, no one knows who the heck I am. What exactly is anyone on here going to do with the the little information I posted? I'm not sure where in my post you got the impression I'm "telling my business" to people when the only thing I did was talk to my boss about my allergies.
I hated having my belly touched too. I don't know why, but it has never occurred to me to reach out and touch someones belly. But I have always been very respectful of peoples personal space. I love some of the suggestions on here, like touching the other persons belly and saying "Show me yours".
pookyp, LPN
1,074 Posts
I had my daughter 6 years ago. Didn't mind one bit. Like I say different strokes for different folks. :)