You know you've been in Nursing TOO long when...

BethannSiv · Mar 4, 2004

Thought I would share this will you all, found on a web site some years age and it still makes me smile...

Reminds me of some of the old EMS chestnuts...

- If you are at an MVA (RTA) at 3am, and none of your patients is drunk, keep looking, someone is missing.

- When given the choice between the Blue & white taxi (police car) and the red & white taxi (ambulance), a drunk injured person will always choose the blue and the uninjured always choose the red.

- The closer a call comes to 3am, the more likely that it could wait until 10am when the Doctors Office opens.

- Children are very creative when it comes to combinations of orifices and foreign bodies.

- The more tools and gadgets a person has to have in their pockets, the less competent they likely are to use any of them.

- ALways heed the following 2 patient complaints without question: 1) The baby is coming now 2) I think I am going to be sick.

- The higher the floor a person lives on, the more likely they are to drag themselves up to their flat before calling an ambulance for a complaint for which they will need to be carried down stairs.

- Patients who say "I have no idea how THAT happened" always do.

- Always use tape to secure someone to a backboard- if they are faking or playing up, make sure the tape goes across their eyebrows. At least then you will be able to spot them more easily next time they call and make sure another crew gets them.

- Always ask people with acute respiratory distress and/or COPD to put out their cigarette before giving them oxygen.

Bethann

kyti · Mar 4, 2004

LMAO :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

Good_Queen_Bess · Mar 5, 2004

V funny!

You know when you've been in nursing too long when you think that anything that a patient can pull on (ie catheter, tracheostomy, arterial line etc) should carry a small electric current.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Mar 5, 2004

Bess, that is a brilliant idea- I'd put in for a patent.

I agree that the dumbest people tend to have the coolest equipment hanging off their pockets, and that they look for the least excuse to use them, and then brag for the next month. "I put a 12G IV in that LOL, slid 'er right in!"

Good_Queen_Bess · Mar 5, 2004

It reminds me of those nurses who walk around with a stethascope permanatley attached to themselves, but never go near a patient.

BRANDY LPN · Mar 5, 2004

Thought I would share this will you all, found on a web site some years age and it still makes me smile, I used to put this in the New staff induction Pack it set the tone perfectly
ØDiscussion of dismemberment over a full meal seems perfectly normal.
ØYour idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
ØYou believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
ØYou believe that people should need a permit to reproduce.
ØYou believe that chocolate is a food group.
ØYou believe that the unspeakable will occur if someone says, "Boy, sure is quiet around here".
ØYou compliment strangers on the size of their veins.
ØYou sometimes refer to death as the "Etemal Care Unit."
ØYou occasionally have to leave a patients room before you start laughing uncontrollably.
ØYou believe that "too stupid too live" is a real diagnosis.
ØYou have asked patients, "What changed after 5 days (interchangeable with months/years) to make you come to the emergency department at 2 am?"
ØYou believe the waiting room should be stocked with a Valium salt-lick.
ØWhen you mention vegetables, you are not referring to a food group.
ØYou are NOT surprised when a patient says, "I have no idea how it got stuck in there."
ØYou have weekends off marked and planned for at least a whole year.
ØYou sometimes enjoy psych patients for their "entertainment value."
ØYou think patient dumping should be a more literal term.
ØYou hate airbags because the cause, "unnecessary repeat business."
ØYou can accurately guess blood alcohol to within 0.5 from the patients breath alone.
ØYou create a points scale for suicides based on "originality and creative performance."
ØYou think education means a pamphlet explaining, "What works, a guide for suicidal patients."
ØYou refer to an unattended birth as a "bungie jumper."
ØYou are filled with jealous rage when you find a patient, "resting comfortably."
ØYou think the term, "Not for resus" is too cool for words.
ØYou day dream of retiring to some place where there's no old people.
ØYou believe that any evidence of faeces or urine about a patient - should be sufficient evidence for a DNR order.
ØYou believe that 999 should be changed to a minimum length of 30 digits to reduce the frequency of moron access.

My nursing instructor handed this out to us at the beginning of school :rotfl:

Good_Queen_Bess · Mar 5, 2004

You know you've been nursing too long.......

*When you think EVERYONE in the country should have to work weekends and nights because YOU have to, and they should have to see what it's like. It's the only fair way.

karenG · Mar 6, 2004

You know you've been nursing too long.......
*When you think EVERYONE in the country should have to work weekends and nights because YOU have to, and they should have to see what it's like. It's the only fair way.

:rotfl: nope sorry not doing that.............. on the other hand might be quieter than where I work already!!!

was thrown out of south bank uni canteen with some other nurses for telling jokes with were 'offensive'........... we were just exchanging normal nurse things!! :rotfl:

Karen

donmurray · Mar 6, 2004

My all-time favourite is

"You always wash your hands BEFORE using the toilet!"

nexus · Mar 7, 2004

I work in ICU and we say if the notes won't fit through the letterbox, we're not having the patient.

(In our dreams) :rolleyes:

Mike RGN · Mar 7, 2004

I work in ICU and we say if the notes won't fit through the letterbox, we're not having the patient.
(In our dreams)

I like that idea :rotfl: