Re- mariage is over

MellowOne · Apr 20, 2004

If you find this rude (husband and others) or affensive its your fault...........

Well, it seems that this is part of the problem. People who see you as part of the problem just don't understand and are bad. As others have said, if you wanted only people who agree with to tell you that you're wonderful and he's a louse, you should have said so. "its your fault." Lacie, is anything at all your fault. Do you have any responsibility for what is occuring in your marriage?

There comes a point in a husband's life, when confronted with an unsupportive, no sex, nagging spouse that he simply gives up. I'm not saying that you're that way, but your initial post was me me me, and not, "How can I help my husband to be the man that he could be?" It sounds to me like your husband has given up.

Be well...

The Mellow One

www.nursesforbush.org

aurora_borealis · Apr 20, 2004

I know a woman who feels pretty much the same about her husband as you do about yours, only she is not leaving him because he supports her and she doesn't want to work. No, they don't have kids. They don't have sex, he's an internet Media junkie which is fine with her. She made her decision, and for some reason it works for both of them....personally I would find that situation a living hell, but to each his/her own. She basically describes her marriage as "it's like living alone only I can't date."

Farkinott, RN · Apr 20, 2004

I really don't thnk this is the forum for you. At what is a vulnerable time in your life it doesn't help to air your dirty laundry in public and be asailed by the countless opinions that a facility like Allnurses.com provides.

I hope you get it sorted.

ARmickie · Apr 20, 2004

I can only offer you the experience that I have and hope that it helps.

Last year, my DH and I seperated and divorce because of the same sort of issues that you are having. I did feel bored, very much so. He didn't seem to care if his family said or did rude things directed at me. We had many, many problems in our marriage, and they only seemed to get worse with time.

I moved out, and filed for divorce. I worked hard in order to support myself and the kids. Eventually, the job was just too demanding (transferring me three times w/i six months). I quit and stayed home with my kids. This is all happening during the course of the divorce, mind you. I was completely stressed out and had no idea which way was up. My property settlement with the divorce had our real estate properties equally divided. Luckily, we owned two houses, and I was going to keep one ... a definite blessing considering I wasn't working, drawing unemployment, and the rent on my apartment was rather expensive. The major problem with that was that the two properties were located side by side.:uhoh21: We decided to give it a go, anyway...

The kids and I moved back, and since I wasn't working, I had plenty of time. We were trying to be friends, and ending up spending quite a bit of time together. Day in and day out, I constantly prayed that God would show what direction to take now... and He did.

At 11:00 AM yesterday, my ex once again became my DH. :balloons: We jointly decided I would change careers to nursing. He wholeheartedly supports me going to school and we are looking forward to the future.

His family has been rather skeptical, as you'd imagine. DH has called each and every one of them, in my presence, no doubt, to tell them of our reunion. He told them all that even though he said some nasty things about me, that he did it because he was hurting. But, never the less, he loves me and I love him, and that's all that matters. He told them that we were going to be remarried, and that while he understands that they may have their reservations, we have none. He asked his family to please pray for our family, and that by doing so, everything would work out for us all. Last weekend, the entire family gathered at my house for dinner. (lol.. he's the baby of 13 children.. ) Everything went very well, and several family members commented that they'd never seen us so happy together.

I guess what I'm saying is to pray, pray, pray. God puts you where you need to be if you'll only trust him to do so. Sometimes we don't understand it, but you have to have faith. If you want to talk, please PM me. I'm not here to judge anybody. I just know EXACTLY where you are coming from.. and I've found a happy ending. I wish you the same. Good luck..

scrubs70 · Apr 20, 2004

post deleted

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Apr 20, 2004

Husband and Mellow one, I have to say you are 2 of the most arrogant, ignorant, rude jerks I have ever seen and God help anyone who has to suffer under your nursing care if the above is any indication of your bedside manner.

Granted i do not agree with what some people say on this board, but it's really not necessary to namecall and and link personality, personal opinsing and someone's nursing care together as an insult. We ARE adults here, correct? :stone

Dixen81 · Apr 20, 2004

I must say, I agree with you, LPN2Be2004. At the same time, I agree with the men (MellowOne and Husband).

MellowOne, I read your posts on this subject from the previous thread, and I don't think you're a chauvanist pig like some other women do. I'm very familiar with what the Bible says about marriage, and I agree with it and the things you posted about it. My husband and I fulfill each other's needs, and after 14 years, we're happier than ever.

I believe that if a woman treats her husband like a king, he will in turn treat her like a queen, and vice versa. At least that's how it is in my marriage.

jayna, RN · Apr 20, 2004

Ok firstly I wish to address some issues. I said that my husband is boring. He is boring if you knew him you would say the same. Im not saying that he isn't a nice and caring guy, but he is boring. Our life is boring and I have gone from being an outgoing, fun loving person to yes, a boring person myself.
Secondly we dont have sex at all ( im 26 ). I just dont desire to have sex with him. I feel like something is wrong with me, but I just couldn't be bothered any more. It has never been a mind blowing experence if you get my drift. :imbar
Thirdly I was at his sisters place the other day and she bought out the family photo album. There was a total of one photo of me in that whole album. :angryfire Im very much loved by all (NOT). And once again he just sits there like a stunned mullet and dosent say a word.This has happened quite alot with him and I as he dosent like causing trouble. I cant see how sticking up for your wife is causing trouble. :angryfire
Im not saying that he isnt a good father, or a good provider but surely I count to. I have gave up a hell off a lot for him I cant help but feel like now its my turn.I do care about him but at the moment I just cant deal with all the **** that goes along with him. The stupid little things that he does, the contants mistakes that he makes which I have to correct, all on a daily basis.
I feel like an absolute ***** but I just cant take it anymore.
Regards Lacie

Hey Lacie,

The spark and intimacy has gone. Discuss your sexual life and your living together in general with your husband. Saying something like" Life is boring lets try something different."

I hate to say that you had to make a move becos some Guys around this southern Hemispere can be not so romantic. The lovey dovey stuff dies out a month after the wedding.

I once had a fiance and living together was great, but it started to become a routine and I tried something different like asked him to go out to the beach at night or travel to a different island, do different sexual moves but something was missing. I started thinking like "Is this the life am going to be living with when we get married? I will definitely ended up having an affair with a another guy". Anyway, I broke off the engagement and thank god! I didn't marry this guy.

Hope everything turns out well for you.

Husband · Apr 21, 2004

Husband and Mellow one, I have to say you are 2 of the most arrogant, ignorant, rude jerks I have ever seen and God help anyone who has to suffer under your nursing care if the above is any indication of your bedside manner.

Hey, did my wife post that? No, she would have added boring, lazy, childish, stubborn, insensitive….. but also HONEST.

What type of replies did you expect to Lacie’s post? She’s only 26, doesn’t want or have ANY sex and she is leaving her husband because HE is boring. The final straw for her was that her boring husband didn’t demand that his sister have a few photos more of her. Get real. From memory, I think that most of the more direct replies to Lacie (something like yours to me) were from others.

guest22304 · Apr 21, 2004

Lacie,

I see you're only 26. How long have you & hubby been married? If you have kids, I would say DEFINITLY try to work it out. If you don't have kids, still try so at least you know. Sometimes the grass seems greener and it's just an illusion. My DH & I have been married 4 years, and let me tell you, it's not been a picnic. But we work on it, and we take weekends off together and try hard. I don't know what kind of stress you may be under, but maybe a romantic getaway to somewhere you've always wanted to go would put a spark in there. I think you should be open w/your husband and tell him how you feel. Sometimes they don't have that ESP going. :rolleyes:

GOOD LUCK

guest22304 · Apr 21, 2004

oh yeah, I almost forgot the picture thing. My DH was married for 13 years to someone else. Luckily, the in laws weren't too crazy about her. They have been good to me, but I also try and attend all family functions, help cook, clean up and make an effort to become part of their family. Also, just a hint, when we got engaged, I gave EVERYONE in his family a 5 x 7 picture of us, and gave the parents a 8 x 10, ha ha! I also get family pics every year and dole those out, too. THAT is how you get your pictures into the albums. They don't take themselves.

Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN · Apr 21, 2004

I WILL say that my parents has gotten married and were married for a few years, "for the sake of the kid". And let me tell you: the kid's not an idiot, they see right through it.