Infernal Equinox

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

In case anyone's wondering where I've been for the past few weeks---and even if you aren't---I've been off the boards for the most part because I'm battling with my bipolar again. This time it's a mixed episode that's had me in its grip for several weeks, and I thank God for the addition of Zyprexa, the real wonder drug, to my ever-lengthening list of medications. But I've noticed a pattern of these episodes emerging over the past few years, and one day it hit me: they always seem to coincide with the advent of spring and/or spring-like conditions.

Now, it's easy to predict that I'll get manic in the summer and depressed in the winter. But mixed episodes have a tendency to sneak up on me and slap me upside the head before I know what hit me; I can't really remember further back than the spring of 2011, but I do remember being horribly off-kilter, blowing off jury duty and failing to file my taxes that year. In 2012 (the year I was diagnosed) I became suicidal and actually texted my daughter one night to tell her that I was going to overdose on Ativan. (I didn't.) Then in 2013 came the meltdown from Hell that almost put me in the hospital and eventually cost me my DON job.

So I shouldn't have been too surprised when this one struck in late February, although I was well into it before I realized what it was and called my doctor. These things are harder to deal with in many ways than full-on mania or depression; they're confusing and scary because I really don't know which is which.....all I know is that something is terribly wrong, and it has to STOP.

I frequent a mental health forum and noticed that some of the other posters with BP were complaining about symptoms similar to mine, which got me to thinking about the nurses and students here who fight this disease. And I wonder.....do any of you with BP or other mental illnesses notice a change in mood and energy levels around this time of year? If so, how quick are you to recognize it and take action? Inquiring minds want to know!

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

I don't have BP, so I have no input there. Untreated depression, probably, very likely. Only thing I notice with spring coming is that I am sleeping a lot more. But better, more restful sleep. Winter was really hard for sleep, so I definitely notice the change.

I mainly wanted to send some hugs and support, and hope you're feeling better. Hope the hubby is doing well too!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I don't have BP, so I have no input there. Untreated depression, probably, very likely. Only thing I notice with spring coming is that I am sleeping a lot more. But better, more restful sleep. Winter was really hard for sleep, so I definitely notice the change.

I mainly wanted to send some hugs and support, and hope you're feeling better. Hope the hubby is doing well too!

Thank you. He's doing really well, which is great for us both because he's had to watch out for me so much lately. And yet, when we were in the store the other day and he was talking to an old friend about the cancer, he talked about how I take care of him. He's such a good guy. I hope I get to keep him for a long time to come. :yes:

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Specializes in Pediatrics, Emergency, Trauma.

Glad you're "back"!! (((HUGS)))

I concur: Zyprexa IS grrrreat!!! ;) :up:

Actually the winter makes me MORE anxious; that "extra hour" of sleep makes me lose sleep, while that "Spring forward" keeps me balanced...yeah, pretty :wacky:, but maybe it "springs me into action"!

Since I have been on the Zyprexa, since December, long as I remember to take it-have forgetting episodes; maybe the little mania energy that I have in that wonderful part of my brain that sometimes gets in the way, it is a very good mood stabilizer and I find it with less side effects, since atypicals are more appropriate for me but have been very sensitive to my body and my psyche; I was VERY worried when I had to get back on meds the side effects-dizziness, sleepiness, the works-Zyprexa doesn't do any of that for me.

I'm hoping when winter comes around at the end of this year, the erratic anxiety of jumping out of my skin while laying down uninspired to work or clean my house can be cleared up, even by a percentage, by the Zyprexa...until then one foot in front of the other-I was able to do two public outings in one day without any gross anxiety-I forgot to take my meds oops...and let's add I stayed up for 24 hours, so I missed TWO doses....agh!! (I have to get into a slight nurse mode with myself and started putting reminder alarms to take my meds AND good sleep!) I am back on schedule...still proud of myself for getting through the day-and enjoying it!

We'll see what happens today...I've been putting off the taxes for a while ;), I will try to conquer whatever is needed for today...

One foot in front of the other... :)

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Specializes in Critical Care.

My husband is bipolar and he has always told me that the springtime is the hardest time of year for him.

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Welcome back. It's good that you finally realize something has to "STOP" in your head because enough is enough. It has taken me quite a long time to realize this within myself. When I get anxious all the time, unable to sleep, racing and irrational thoughts I know it's time to reach out to my psychiatrist and say, "Help". Because if I don't it gets worse. I do get impulsive. I will spend money I don't have, I will say things I shouldn't say, or I will just OD on meds to make it go away, and end up in the hospital. I got divorced about 10 years ago, so this battle has become my own. I make sure I fill my pill box weekly and then I make sure I take my meds every day. It is my safety net. My therapist gave me a self-assessment guide to follow for many years. It was a paper tool that I had to go down a list and check mark things about my day and my mood and my behavior for the day. I now do that mental check list daily in my head. I don't have to keep it in writing at my bedside to evaluate. These are just a couple ways that I have had to learn to cope with my iffy mood swings to make sure I can keep them in check and keep them in control. My biggest paranoia is being locked up in a hospital. I would rather be dead than be locked up like that. I have had very bad experiences being locked up in mental institutions. I will do whatever it takes to stay out. I do have a tendency to have seasonal mood swings. I try to incorporate that into my daily self assessment and make sure that I am "even" enough to funtion in daily society. I am so sensitive to so many of the medications that I have to be careful how much I take, and any new med prescribed is very scary for me due to some of the bad side effects I have had in the past. I am glad you are back! Take care of yourself....

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I know what you mean about fearing the hospital. I'm terrified of the place even though I've never been inpatient (although I've come very close on a couple of occasions). OTOH, if that's the only way I can be safe, it would probably be better for me to go there than some of the places I've been to in my own mind.

It's a good thing that you have a lot of self-discipline. I've gotten better over the years, but my husband sometimes has to act as my caregiver, and when things aren't going well he gets after me about taking my meds. Not that he really has to nag---the consequences for missing even a single dose of my 5 "anti-crazy pills" are swift and painful. Ultimately however, the responsibility is mine. I fill up my med minders every week and put them in places where I can't miss them (the evening meds live by the computer and the day ones by the coffee pot).

It's funny, I used to think I'd just take the meds until I was OK again and then stop, like I did with antidepressants (long before I knew I was bipolar). HA! It scares me that I'm so dependent on these things, but I don't know where I'd be now if I weren't taking them. {{{shudder}}}

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.

Hi Viva...yes we missed you! I've been looking for your good mental health articles here!

As far as your question...I have noticed that for last several years the months of Oct and Mar have always been pivotal. I wonder if that's because my mood disorder is affected by the change of seasons??

As for this march, ive recently stopped my meds, as they weren't working for a few weeks...I felt so depressed even with them...so I stopped. I know I should probably get back on them because of the potential consequences, but.....

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
Hi Viva...yes we missed you! I've been looking for your good mental health articles here!

As far as your question...I have noticed that for last several years the months of Oct and Mar have always been pivotal. I wonder if that's because my mood disorder is affected by the change of seasons??

As for this march, ive recently stopped my meds, as they weren't working for a few weeks...I felt so depressed even with them...so I stopped. I know I should probably get back on them because of the potential consequences, but.....

Well, I shouldn't have to tell you that going off your meds without your doctor's supervision wasn't a good idea, but since you mentioned it......;) j/k Seriously though, I know it's tough to stick to a medication regimen when the symptoms of an illness keep coming back in spite of it. I've never gone off mine, but I've occasionally missed a dose or two and paid the price. My illness keeps me on a very short leash, and I cannot go even a day without meds or I WILL have a mood episode---it's guaranteed.

The take-home lesson here is, of course, to check in with your prescriber, tell him/her what you've done and get his/her advice. And as my own psychiatrist recently reminded me, try not to get too discouraged: our illnesses are episodic and they will recur, even with the best treatment available. The best we can really hope for is to minimize the symptoms and reduce the frequency of relapses. :yes:

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Specializes in Critical Care, Med-Surg, Psych, Geri, LTC, Tele,.
Well I shouldn't have to tell you that going off your meds without your doctor's supervision wasn't a good idea, but since you mentioned it......;) j/k ....check in with your prescriber, tell him/her what you've done and get his/her advice..:[/quote']

I know, I know. /-: I'll call her tomorrow and talk to her. Or at least leave her a message! Good looking out!

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