In nursing school, but I don't want to be a clinician--Drop deadline is tomorrow!

[clemforshort]

Hi all,

So, I'm freaking out, and trying to figure out whether to stay in my nursing program or not. I know my post is kind of long, so I put a few bullet points up top. For those of you willing to read through, there's all the background information below. Thank you so much for your insight!

• Does it make sense to get a nursing degree if I don't think I'm cut out for doing clinical work?
  
• Without having done it before, how can I know if clinical work is right for me? Is all hospital nursing focused on fast paced technical skill, or are there some floors that are quieter, less hectic, and have more time for patient interaction?
  
• Is it normal to feal absolute, stomach-turning, incredible dread every time I go to class or the hospital, or is that a sign that I'm doing the wrong thing?
  
• Should I just give up my desire for stability and flexibility, and head for a counseling, teaching or social work degree, since that's the kind of thing I to 'm likely to want to do anyway?
  
• Are there more humanities/social science-minded folks who feel like nursing school is totally against type for them, but then enjoy their practice once they're out of the grind of school and can leave the hospital setting?
  

I just started an accelerated BSN program, and I'm really struggling. I have a background in health education and social service, and I had no idea the level of highly technical, highly pressured, highly regimented new motor skills that I would have to learn in nursing school, how long it would take me to become comfortable with those skills, and how little time for patient interaction there would actually be. I know that's completely naive, but it's true.

I imagined that, with a nursing degree, I could use my skills in health education, advocacy and counseling, but get paid better than I ever would as a social worker, and be able to work the hours that I want. I know that there are lots of non-clinical jobs out there for nurses (public health, etc.) but it seems insane to put myself through the difficulty of a clinical degree if I don't actually want to be a clinician. And plus, I'm not sure how easy it would be to get those out-of-hospital jobs, anyway.

Basically, I'm realizing that I'm getting a clinical degree, but I'm not sure I'm cut out for the work that's likely to be available, and I don't want to be screwing up my life or endangering my patients. Every moment I'm in school feels like I'm walking through water, and playing completely against type. I'm a touchy-feely, talk-y kind of person, and I just feel so completely anxious and terrified and out of place in the hospital environment. I love working with people, but the rest of it is just SO hard--dealing with the stressful environment, all the focus on litigation, and my own OCD-type fears of hurting someone else of contaminating myself....It's all a little much to take given that I'm not one of those people who is 100% sure that nursing is for me. I'm getting through my classes, but I don't enjoy them, I'm not a fan of technology, never been into the sciences, and I have a really hard time with spatial skills and focusing on multiple things at once...At the same time, I love health education, and could see myself doing Sexual Assault Response Nursing, working in a women's clinic, or some kind of harm-reduction program for teens. I could probably do those things as a nurse, but only after several years of experience in acute care, and I might be able to do them even more easily as a counselor or social worker....I'd miss out on the flexibility and diversity of nursing, but I the wouldn't have to live through the pain of nursing school for clinical skills I don't really need.

On the other hand, I know that the field of nursing is so incredibly broad, and that I'm likely to find something that I'm passionate about once I just get the darn degree and get out there. I've also been told that, once you spend the first couple of years getting your skills down, the huge anxirty about specific clinical tasks fades away, and much more of your job becomes about relating to patients, counseling families, and advocating for the people you work with. All that sounds great!

I know this is a bit of a ramble, but I could really use some help thinking through this, and deciding whether to stay in the program at all. I have a scholarship to go (which is an incredible blessing), so I mostly think I should just stick it out....It's only 15 months in school, and then a 2 year committment working as a clinical nurse in an under-served area, and then I'm free and could do whatever I want with the degree. But do I want to committ to at least 3.5 years if I already worry that much of what I'll be doing will feel contrary to who I am? Is it worth it?

[clemforshort]

Oh my gosh! This post is so much longer than I even thought it was. I'm sorry! Comments still incredibly appreciated, but I'll totally understand if I don't get any. Who would have time to read all this? :) I guess I had a lot bottled up....

[kaydensmom01]

I didn't have the exact situation as you but my experience was absolutely hating clinicals and loving the science classes. I loved my science classes/nursing classes but once I started clinicals I dreaded that day all week. I cried before, during, and after clinicals. Even though I prepared immensely I still felt overwhelmed and very anxious, where I believed that I made a mistake. I chose nursing for the flexibility and for the stability, and the fact that I knew I loved science classes, but in the end after my preceptorship I realize that nursing is my calling and I just needed pushed to it. My preceptorship is where I fell in love with nursing because it is so much more different than your clinicals! It is then that you actually see what being a nurse is like because you do not have your clinical instructor, you have the knowledge from the other semesters and it seems that everything falls into place. Again, I'm sorry that I can't relate more with you, but just my experience of thinking that I would absolutely hate nursing and then realizing at the end of my schooling that I was meant for it.

P.S. You do get to spend time with your patients, especially if you chart in their room, but no it is nothing like spending an hour in their room just talking to them (in my experience).

[chrisrn24]

I hated clinicals with a passion but I really enjoy nursing. Clinicals are not anything like real nursing!

[KimPangilinanDomingo]

i didn't read all the way through but here's one for you... find a career that you really love, and you'll never work a day in your life... stick to a career that you don't love and you'll find yourself dragging your butt out of bed every morning just to make it to work, you will find yourself counting the days looking forward to day offs (even though your only at the beginning of your work week), etc. in the end, doing what you love is what's important, it might not pay as much as nursing would, but it still pays, and it's what will keep you happy. in the end you'll realize that being happy 24/7 is better than feeling dreadful all day everyday, except for payday. best of luck

[nlynrob]

Theres so many different avenues of nursing you should find something you enjoy, maybe its just not something concentrated on in schools. Even if you find you don't like ANY clinical practice there's so much you can do with a BSN. You can go for your masters and do management (I know a few nurse managers who say they love their job but miss clinical practice because they no longer have much time for patient contact so that could be perfect for you) or you could get into research. There's on site occupational nursing or insurance companies hire BSN's to do phone evaluations for members and determine if requested tests are needed ect. You could go for nurse education and be a professor of nursing (since you mentioned teaching). That's just off the top of my head. Do some research on the opportunities available out of clinical, there's so many options with nursing (one of the reasons I chose it!). Good luck ?

[elkpark]

Theres so many different avenues of nursing you should find something you enjoy, maybe its just not something concentrated on in schools. Even if you find you don't like ANY clinical practice there's so much you can do with a BSN. You can go for your masters and do management (I know a few nurse managers who say they love their job but miss clinical practice because they no longer have much time for patient contact so that could be perfect for you) or you could get into research. There's on site occupational nursing or insurance companies hire BSN's to do phone evaluations for members and determine if requested tests are needed ect. You could go for nurse education and be a professor of nursing (since you mentioned teaching). That's just off the top of my head. Do some research on the opportunities available out of clinical, there's so many options with nursing (one of the reasons I chose it!). Good luck 

OP, just be aware that most-if-not-all of non-bedside nursing positions require at least a few years of solid, hands-on clinical experience to be considered qualified/eligible. Best wishes!

[llg, PhD, RN]

I guess it's just a matter of whether or not you are strong enough to stick something out you don't like for the short run ... in order to get somewhere you want to be in the long run. Are you strong enough emotionally to do it and will it be worth it to you? Only you can say that.

My recommendation is to imagine yourself dropping out. How will THAT play out. Will you spend the rest of your life wondering "what if?"

Now imagine yourself staying in. How will that play out? If you REALLY hate it so much you can't bear it ... you can drop out later. Since you have a scholarship, the finanical damage will only be moderate if you give it a try before dropping out.

My recommendation is to give it a short term try to see if you hate it as much as you think you will before deciding. But consider it a "trial" to see if you like it. If you really can't see yourself being able to complete your program and fulfill your scholarship requirement, drop out as soon as you have come to that realization. Don't wait until you are in too deep financially.

[ekramona]

There are a lot of options in nursing. If you don't like clinical work you can work in research, informatics, administration, public health... that being said though, it is probably difficult to get into those areas without any hands on professional experience. I happen to love the clinical side of nursing, and have found myself in situations where the only thing keeping me going is my love of what I am doing. If you decide to keep going you might find your niche in the profession eventually, but I bet you'll have a rough road until then. Good luck with everything, I hope you figure out what is best for you.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I don't think that it makes any sense to remain in a nursing program if you already know that you don't want to work in a clinical role. Why waste a scholarship that could be re-directed to help someone who has a passion for nursing?

The 'high interaction' (education, advocacy, counseling) types of jobs listed by the OP are usually filled by people who have a much less expensive hourly rate than an RN. These services are not well reimbursed in the US - which means that they simply won't exist in many organizations that are not set up to provide "free" services. Hospital nursing is indeed focused on "fast paced technical skills" - and the workload is increasing. It is a very difficult and challenging environment, particularly for anyone who is already coping with "OCD-like fears".

Give yourself a break.

[Geeitsgina]

I haven't even started nursing school yet, but your feelings are some of my reservations so I can understand. Just look at it from the viewpoint that once you receive your bsn you can look into different areas of nursing. I say "pay your dues" now and research different fields later that you could possibly love. You may also find that you enjoy the clinical side after getting more comfortable.