I guess my Etg was NEGATIVE, after all. The program Director emailed me as a followup from the letter this morning. He said he will forward to my caseworker for closing and successful completion. I checked on affinity, and now my caseworker also says it was NEGATIVE and that I will be allowed to complete.
I kept screenshots of all of this, and all of the correspondence all along, as it is rather interesting for comparison purposes.
But either way folks I'm DONE. I have successfully completed my monitoring!
Thank ALL OF YOU, from the bottom of my heart, for believing in me and believing me, for your prayers, and for checking in with me throughout all this hell to make sure I was still sane and alive.
This forum and community we have is awesome! THANK YOU ALL!
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I would also add, you can give back by mentoring others in the monitoring systems and with substance abuse histories. Someone I love DEARLY is a recovering heroin addict and I offer my insight and help to others currently caught up in active addiction, or loving addicts. Al-anon taught me so much about addiction, so much about what I did to contribute, but not cause, the problem. I choose to celebrate my love one's (thus far) successful recovery and joyful, new amazing life ----(this loved one is now happily married and raising their own little family)----- by reaching out when I can to help others who suffer d/t addiction, either themselves or through loved ones.
I also seek to educate whenever humanly possible and accepted, others, who are not informed or educated about the nature of addiction, its prevalence and how to cope if they are personally affected. I talk on this site often about the false beliefs held about addiction and how to overcome them. I believe education and not stigmatizing others is HUGE.
Giving back doubles the joys of your accomplishments. Keep up the good work and never forget how far you have come.
for, "there but for the grace of God, go I". I truly believe this. And try to live it. I was in a dark, horrible, painful place 5 years ago. Life is so much different now. And I live in gratitude, every. single. day.
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
I would also add, you can give back by mentoring others in the monitoring systems and with substance abuse histories. Someone I love DEARLY is a recovering heroin addict and I offer my insight and help to others currently caught up in active addiction, or loving addicts. Al-anon taught me so much about addiction, so much about what I did to contribute, but not cause, the problem. I choose to celebrate my love one's (thus far) successful recovery and joyful, new amazing life ----(this loved one is now happily married and raising their own little family)----- by reaching out when I can to help others who suffer d/t addiction, either themselves or through loved ones.
I also seek to educate whenever humanly possible and accepted, others, who are not informed or educated about the nature of addiction, its prevalence and how to cope if they are personally affected. I talk on this site often about the false beliefs held about addiction and how to overcome them. I believe education and not stigmatizing others is HUGE.
Giving back doubles the joys of your accomplishments. Keep up the good work and never forget how far you have come.
for, "there but for the grace of God, go I". I truly believe this. And try to live it. I was in a dark, horrible, painful place 5 years ago. Life is so much different now. And I live in gratitude, every. single. day.
Well put. I always enjoy reading your posts :)
I was just thinking about Gratitude this morning, and how even if I feel off kilter, I can still be grateful for what I have and for being alive. Oddly, I am grateful for the experiences I've had in relation to substance abuse, monitoring programs, and the board of nursing, for the precise reasons you noted above. It gives me a perspective that only one who has been there can contribute.
I'm finding myself feeling pretty worn out from the whole thing, to be honest. But that doesn't stop me from posting or helping in small ways.
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
I have been following your story with great interest and hopes for the best. I am truly happy for you. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU DID IT. You should be proud of yourself. I know I am.
I wish you all the best in your future career, free of monitoring. YOU MADE IT. This has to give others who are in this place, some real hope. The world is your oyster now.
Thank you. I still have some unfinished business with the Board of Nursing in the state I'm licensed in, but this is a big piece of the pie. Then, hopefully, my new state of residence will endorse my original license and I can begin to look for work.
That will be a big WOW. Its been a long time and a lot of water under the bridge.
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
I think this was mentioned elsewhere, even perhaps from you, but I think that when I was a student nurse I would have benefited fro hearing a guest lecturer with an experience as you endured.
How indeed are they accounting for the discrepancies? Why was I told one thing and all of the sudden it was negative? How indeed. These questions are important ones.
I have copies of all the relevant documentation and will keep it. Every bit.
Thank you for that...really, thank all of you. Thank the Divine, in whatever form each of you believes in...or feel grateful if you don't believe. At times I am cynical about this, but do have a spiritual practice that includes higher beings.
I DO KNOW that something extraordinary happened today, for me and for others who fight this good fight.
Ok, this is going to sound paranoid, I know. But honestly I think they lied to you, just to see if you would fall apart and "confess." I don't know how they could possibly justify such behavior, but I don't think they worry about it. From where they're sitting, anything they do is OK because they are acting out of concern for "public safety." At my last job, I was told that they (my employer) sometimes wait several days before telling people their tests are negative; the idea is to see whether they get antsy and anxious and over-concerned (which means they're afraid the test will show something).
I know the programs believe that addicts are all manipulative liars, but as one who can't STAND mind games I wish they would grow the f#@
But you didn't fall for it--that's awesome.
And now you're done! I am so, so happy for you!!!!!!!
Specializes in ER, ICU/CCU, Open Heart OR Recovery, Etc.
Ok, this is going to sound paranoid, I know. But honestly I think they lied to you, just to see if you would fall apart and "confess." I don't know how they could possibly justify such behavior, but I don't think they worry about it. From where they're sitting, anything they do is OK because they are acting out of concern for "public safety." At my last job, I was told that they (my employer) sometimes wait several days before telling people their tests are negative; the idea is to see whether they get antsy and anxious and over-concerned (which means they're afraid the test will show something).
I know the programs believe that addicts are all manipulative liars, but as one who can't STAND mind games I wish they would grow the f#@
But you didn't fall for it--that's awesome.
And now you're done! I am so, so happy for you!!!!!!!
You aren't paranoid. The thought crossed my mind early on, and made me more determined to not say "I didn't drink" more than once with them. I too find it, and the culture of fear, despicable. As in not justified.
I don't know and won't know if all this was due to lies, caseworker being unable to read lab results, incompetence, or all of the above. But it doesn't inspire trust.
SororAKS, I've sent you a couple of PMs. It did not say your box was full, but the bounced back to my inbox? Did they get to you?
I've had some progress. Got a job. Don't yet have the official approval from the program, but it's a floor job, days, 3 12hr shifts on a general surgical floor. I don't think even they could come up with a reason to reject it.
Going from OR to the floor is going to be quite a switch, but from my shadowing observations, it's a well run, well staffed, very team oriented unit. I think I'll do fine.
Ok, this is going to sound paranoid, I know. But honestly I think they lied to you, just to see if you would fall apart and "confess." I don't know how they could possibly justify such behavior, but I don't think they worry about it. From where they're sitting, anything they do is OK because they are acting out of concern for "public safety."
I've come to the conclusion that when dealing with these programs, it is not possible to be paranoid enough. They operate under a culture of fear and mis/non information. Both with myself and other folks I have seen straight up lies that have cost people their jobs. So-called "policy" seems to be invented on the fly and rules are ignored or enforced depending on the moment, and quite possibly someone's mood. This whole "public safety" thing is simply an excuse to demonize people who have a disease (addiction or mental or both).
I agree with the mind games issue. There's no reason to be doing that. The people who run these fail to realize that the is a person on the other end of the string they are jerking.
SmilingBluEyes
20,964 Posts
I would also add, you can give back by mentoring others in the monitoring systems and with substance abuse histories. Someone I love DEARLY is a recovering heroin addict and I offer my insight and help to others currently caught up in active addiction, or loving addicts. Al-anon taught me so much about addiction, so much about what I did to contribute, but not cause, the problem. I choose to celebrate my love one's (thus far) successful recovery and joyful, new amazing life ----(this loved one is now happily married and raising their own little family)----- by reaching out when I can to help others who suffer d/t addiction, either themselves or through loved ones.
I also seek to educate whenever humanly possible and accepted, others, who are not informed or educated about the nature of addiction, its prevalence and how to cope if they are personally affected. I talk on this site often about the false beliefs held about addiction and how to overcome them. I believe education and not stigmatizing others is HUGE.
Giving back doubles the joys of your accomplishments. Keep up the good work and never forget how far you have come.
for, "there but for the grace of God, go I". I truly believe this. And try to live it. I was in a dark, horrible, painful place 5 years ago. Life is so much different now. And I live in gratitude, every. single. day.