If you think you can't do it - here is my story...

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I graduated in Dec '07, should have graduated in May '07 but severe & sudden marital problems led me to an almost nervous breakdown and with a meeting with my clinical instructors, I was told it would be better for me to take a semester off and come back. Which I did, went back in Aug '07. Marital problems settling down, going to counseling, ect...

Fast forward to the end of Sept '07, husband suddenly packs up and leaves me with kiddos and no employment trying once again to finish out my last semester in the LPN program. Well, my grades go down and it was TOUGH but I finished.

Husband and I go back and forth, we come together again in the late winter, still seperated but spending as much time together as possible, I'd spend weekends at his apt, he'd spend weekends here at home. It was like we were building our relationship up again. To make a long story short, I found things he wouldnt need as a married man with a vasectomy, caught him in several lies, things were bad again.

I have no family in the state, only one very busy friend and no support system to speak of.

Meanwhile I received my provisional license needed in my state to secure a required 120 internship which you had to have completed before taking the NCLEX.

Well, I fell into a deep depression for MONTHS. I probably should have been hospitalized. I never secured an internship and my provisional license expires in two days, on the 22nd.

We have 6 months of a provisional license to get the internship completed and pass the NCLEX. Even knowing this, knowing my future and my kids futures totally depended on me doing these things, I was paralyzed by depression and grief.

I couldnt get motivated to study. I had TONS of study aids and resources, they are mostly still untouched in the plastc wrap.

In late May I received a shocking phone call that once again plunged me into depression and despair and heartache yet again, worse than ever before.

Things have been BAD for me since May 23. Basically just doing what I need to do for basic survival for my kids and I since then.

I kept finding out more and more bad about my marital situation through June and July.

My NCLEX date was this past Friday, the 18th. I toyed with the idea of not even going because whats the use, I hadnt studied, I had royally messed up and wasnt going to pass. Had been away from anything nursing for 7 months, couldn't even recall some of the major lab values. Basics gave me trouble.

Have been having a lot of memory problems which my doctor says are due to all of the stress.

Even in the days leading up to the exam, I still couldnt get motivated to study because I thought too much time had passed, and I would just have to go, take the exam and fail it. Brush myself off and take it again in 45 days, which I told myself I WOULD study like a mad dog for.

Anyhow, my exam was scheduled for 8am. The night before I couldnt sleep at all, took sleeping meds at 2:30am, tossed and turned, finally got out of bed all groggy feeling at 5:30am. Also, I had been off my antidepressant for a week and I was really starting to feel very dizzy even when I just turned my head. (couldnt afford the refill)

There was an accident on my way to the exam (of course!) which made me a bit late, and my brain still wasn't kicking into gear, my head was all foggy and dizzy and I was late too!

Said a prayer in the cubical before I started the test.

Just for God to calm me, help me focus and concentrate, and guide me through this exam. Then I took 10 slow deep breaths and just went for it, thinking I had no shot at passing this bear of an exam, at least I'd know what to expect 45 days later when I had to take it again because I failed the first time.

You know what?

It wasn't too bad! I expected it to be much more difficult. Now, it wasn't a walk in the park, but just take your time and breathe and think critically.

There were a lot of meds I had never heard of, besides that I thought it wasnt too bad. It was 58 mins later when I clicked the "submit" button for the answer for the 85th question and the screen went gray.

Shoot. I thought, well, it shut off at the minimum so I must have done really, really badly! I thought the med questions had thrown me off too much.

I thought "wait! wait! give me more questions so I can prove I can be a good safe nurse! I need more questions!"

Today I called and got the news that I *passed*! It was only by God's Grace that I did. In the seven months I had to prepare I seriously studied maybe 10 hours TOTAL.

So, no matter what - believe in yourself and do your best. The odds are in your favor to pass.

Finding out today that I passed was wonderful!

I still have to reapply and pay another $110 to the BON for a second provisional license and complete my 120 hours, but I passed the NCLEX so getting the internship should be no problem at all.

My kids and I have been battling such horrendous financial challenges and the future seemed so bleak and hopeless.

Suddenly it doesn't look that bad at all!

Yippee, I am almost-just-about-practically a :nurse:

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what an experience you've had!!! congratulations on passing and i wish you and your kids the very best of luck. hope things start to look up for you!!! :) :yeah:

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Wow, I am sorry for your troubles, but I am happy that you passed best of luck to you in your future career and life. I really was feeling worried myself since I test the 30th. Thank you for sharing. Congratulations!!:yeah:

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congrstulations.

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what an inspiring story. congratulations

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Specializes in Ambulatory Care, Case Manager.

Wow! Congratulations! If you can do it, despite all those obstacles anyone can. Thanks for sharing your inspirational story. I hope that everything goes all "uphill" from now on. :yeah:

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congratulations on passing! :hpygrp:

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Specializes in 4 years of L&D and 6 years of Med-Surg.

wow! onehusbandandsevenkids!

amazing story to tell! yes, indeed you have been thru a lot!

such an inspirational story thou, to be honest with you!

yes! this all can be positive with the grace of god! allowing him into your heart everything is possible thru his hands!

thank you for sharing your personal life with us.

oh? one more thing............congrats to you!

if you were here or near me, i come over and give you a big big hug! im so so so happy for you and your family!

god bless!

nursegreeneyes

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Specializes in Med Surg, Telemetry, Long Term Care.

congrats

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Thanks for the congrats and the kind words!!!!!

(Still pinching myself here!)

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Congrats!!! you're going to be a wonderful nurse:yeah::nurse:

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Specializes in Acute Surgery/Trauma.

Thank you for sharing your story. It just shows that god has a plan for everyone in any SITUATION he can bring you through. Congratulations and good luck in your career. As for your marriage I have been there and done that even got the T-Shirt :nuke: You and your children will be fine. Start healing because for anything to workout you must take care of you FIRST.

Congrats and good luck to you and your family.

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