If Jerry Springer did a show on Bad Patients

Nurses Humor


I thought I would post this to be the 1000 post in this forum.

What if Jerry Springer (WHERE does he find those people and do they really exist?) did a show on bad patients who do you vote for being centre stage and what would you like to say to them.

Mind you I think we nurses would be FAR politer than the ususal audience but then as a lip reader I can assure you the BEEPS are gratuitous.


103 Posts

Not to change your thread, but I think that Oprah should have as guests, Jerry, Jenny, Sally, Geraldo etc. and have Dr. Phil do an intervention on them! I work day shift and these schlock talk shows (that and Judge Judy) are all these pts watch....it is the worst thing about day shift and I am including here grand nursing rounds w/ the VP (I can't stand daytime TV!)

If you put a gun to my head and said, "you must choose your worst pt ever"; I would choose the 410 lb. woman whom I took care of last year. Her reason for the weight? "That darned steroid is making me hold water...." Took 6 of us to put a Foley in her, we had to call security to pull her up in her big boy bed....oh, did I mention her chronic diarrhea from bowel surgery 2 years prior?......

gwenith, BSN, RN

3,755 Posts

Specializes in ICU.

EEEWWW! I just thought this might generate some funnies which I love to read. But can anyone fill me in DO those people really exist?

A friend of my daughter's was on Jerry's show. He was playing a role, wasn't his story, wasn't his name, weren't his family/friends.

So yeah, the people do exist, but they're Fakes. Which we had to surmise, when they're too angry to keep from hitting and screaming at each other whilst they're on camera, but calm right down and sit next to each other on folding chairs when the next little drama plays out.



canoehead, BSN, RN

6,856 Posts

Specializes in ER.

If we're all going on Jerry Springer I've got dibs on one of the nasty patients' chairs. Can I bring a stick?

sanakruz, ADN

735 Posts

Lets seee....

Had a woman a vol chemical dependancy ward that kept demanding to see her personal luggage/stored clothing every few hours- We got suspicious when she insisted on wearing a huge black overcoat in San Jose in Sept.

She had sewed Xanax tablets into the lining of this coat, Darvcet into another,Valium into another, Vicodin something else, some ultram, klonopin, etc.

MD wouldnt discharge her. (It was a for-profit endeavor)

I would love to say to her "Honey you have some kinda balls!!!! You have challenged the integrity of this entire operation and won! Hope IT FEELS GOOD!!!!!"



103 Posts

Whoa! sankruz--that is some talk show guest!! I had a gang banger pt once (Chicago) who had a knife and GSW from a rival gang. He had visitor restrictions etc. One of his friends (?) was visiting and said that so and so (not a "friend") was downstairs and could he come up? Pt. said OK and turns to me and says (I swear I am not making this up) "hey nurse, you gonna stay wid me in case this guy f**ks wid me?...he won't pull nothin wid you in da room." I figured my duty ended with self-preservation so I declined to be present.

My question to him would be: Do I really look that stupid? On second thought---maybe I shouldn't ask THAT!


415 Posts

Specializes in ICU.

I had a man on neuro once who had a lovely wife who visited every afternoon. He also had a lovely mistress who visited every evening when the wife went home!

Drunk drivers...I'd like to see all the drunk drivers up there and rip em another azz....


55 Posts

comming up on the next Jerry...... patients who ended up in the hospital because they swallowed 2 quarters playing quarter bounce and swallow another dollar fifty while in the hospital in an attempt to get more pain medication and to hang around the nurse they have now developed a crush on,, and the nurses who have to deal with him following her around all day asking for paing medication (swear that I had a patient like this before

gwenith, BSN, RN

3,755 Posts

Specializes in ICU.

Drunk drivers - oooooohhhhh Yes! Now they are patients I could really really rip into. Where I work it is not mandatory to take blood alcohol levels after an MVA. It happens that the patient you are caring for in ICU this month will be back on the road drinking agian next month! Drunk. Again.

But here is a real Jerry Springer story form a friend. A man and a woman were skinny dipping (swimming nekkid) when the man was bitten on his A$$ by a snake. She cut the bite and tried to suck out the venom. Wrong thing to do with Australian snakebite. Upshot they were both admitted to ICU for monitoring.

The Jerry Part? They were married - but not to each other and her husband came had a go at him while his wife had a go at her...........

Ooooooo...........here's a kicker!! The 14 year old girl with the egg sized abcess on her butt! Beligerent, foul mouthedand verbally abusive because she was................ IN PAIN! And we don't understand what it is like to be in pain! (grumble grumble and much restraint.........) The six year old that broke his arm in half in the room next to her didn't even cry when his IV was placed. She on the other hand refused for 10 minutes to even remove her skanky underwear for the doctor to look at the dumb thing. Threatened to "hit" anyone who tried to touch her. Yeah, and mom was a kicker too. She was wearing a see through lace mid drif top with stretch tight pants. I do believe all her clothes were a size 6 and she was a 20. Not a pretty sight!! She stood there and let her daughter act like an idiot! We would have let her leave,but she was 14 and mom said she needed to stay and have it looked at.

We invited her suck it up and act a little more human!

Got to love the ER!


36 Posts

We had a guy one night who was found unconscious in the health & beauty aisle of the local grocery store surrounded by empty bottles of mouthwash.:rolleyes:

I also had a large (350+ lbs) patient who needed a bath...BAD! She smelled like you wouldn't believe. As I and another nurse were cleaning under her folds, we found her remote control.:eek: Thank goodness that was all we found.

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