I Will Talk, You Just Listen

[blt3535]

Nursing school was the goal, discovering who I am and the qualities I possess is what I received on the journey.

When I got out of high school, I went into college bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to take on the world, most importantly the medical world. Working at a hospital confirmed that I wanted to be the one soothing patient fears and calming family members down.

I wanted to be the woman pushing medicine into the IV and listening to breathe sounds with my brightly colored stethoscope. I knew that I was smart enough and held the patience and understanding that it took to listen to the teenager scared she was going to be a mother, or hold the hand of a dying 87-year-old.

My "AHA" moment was one that I will always remember.

I had just started as an EKG technician at a local hospital, was 19 years old, and had not experienced seeing death. A stat EKG was called from ICU, so I went up to the room and there laid a 37-year-old woman admitted with a brain aneurysm from a car accident.

She was still, looked like she was pretty warm underneath the air blanket and hooked up to life support. Being the technician, I hooked her up to the EKG machine; bloop bloop bloop, her strip was in sinus rhythm.

While getting her strip, I talked to her. It was 2 days before Thanksgiving, and I remembered that they always say that the patients can hear you if they are in comas; what could it hurt? I told her that everyone wanted her to get better and that I hoped she woke up to have a nice Thanksgiving with her family.

Once downstairs, the nurse called back and requested a stat echo. I hadn't been there for very long and didn't know why they needed that test, her heart was in sinus rhythm; a perfect EKG. The echo tech then told me something that I will never forget. "The patient has no brain activity; KODA needs the test to make sure her heart is ready for transplant".

I was stunned.

I immediately started crying and was so upset that I had to leave for the day. I had just spoken with that patient, well, I had spoken, and she just listened.

These moments come into our lives and make us realize the capacity that we have to deal with such tragic endings. I discovered in those very short hours that even though I had cried and been so upset, that's what makes great health care professional; it shows you care. And even after all these years, I still wonder if I was the last person to actually speak to her and not about her.

Now, after switching my major 3 times due to uncertainty and graduating with a degree in sports medicine, I am back to where I started 8 years ago, only this time I have student nurse after my name. I can only keep the hope and certainty that the same girl who spoke with that patient all these years ago is willing and ready to take on the nursing world, where there will be lots of Jane doe's who will need me to speak to them while they listen.

[Muttlover]

blt3535,

Thank you, thank you -- you're article touched my heart in the most personal way you could ever imagine. I, too, have wanted to be a nurse since the age of 14. Although at the age of 45, I'm applying for nursing school next month -- just finished my pre-reqs and ready to go. I have to tell you that your story is so incredibly similar to my own. Unfortunately, it was my own mom in that coma due to a brain aneurysm (sp?). She lingered for 2 weeks. My first born was 5 months old, my brother's wife was due in a month with quadruplets and my sister was 8 months pregnant with her first child. We kept vigil day after day, night after night. My mom lost her battle. I remember the feeling of wanting to cry like a 5 year old. After all, I was a new mom, and I needed my mommy. She had so many grandchildren to love that she hadn't even met yet.

The day she died, her nurse, Judy, (made by God's own hands, I'm sure) looked at me, hugged me and started to cry. She said some patients were really hard to lose. She saw what we all lost -- and how much we needed her.

I never made it to nursing school straight from high school because as the oldest of 5 children, it wasn't in the cards. Judy was my "aha" moment. She had the smarts, compassion but, also, the strength to cry with us. I was shocked that nurses were allowed to cry and show emotion. I guess I always doubted whether I would be "tough enough" for the job. At that moment, I realized that sometimes it's part of the job. It also serves as a gift to the family, as odd as it may sound. Someone knew we were hurting and cared enough to share it with us. I'll never forget Judy and I'll never be able to say thank you enough. I pray that I get accepted to my nursing school, but more importantly, I pray that the world overall gives us enough "Judy's". Thanks for your article. It made my day!

[mglynn3210]

i have reccently returned to LTC after working in primary care the last nine years the nurses who orientated me said "You don't have to talk to them" but I do and I will continue do so that is what is important thanks

[Newfie Lover]

I am outraged that a nurse would tell you "you don't have to talk to them." How horrible it must be to be patients in that facility! Hopefully, there are a lot more nurses like you there, than like the heartless, or burned out nurse, who you described. That person should be reported!

[achot chavi]

In hebrew we say that words that emanate from the heart, will enter the heart, you did an amazing and beautiful thing. You might have been the last person to treat the patient like a human being.

In nursing the first rule is do no harm, and the second is to try and leave the patient better off that when you came- which you did!!

Way to go!!

[snapper1960]

I appreciate that you shared this with us. It is important to "feel" and remember that we are all human. I had a similar experience when I attended the harvesting of organs from a young woman who was a patient of mine when I did case management. She had a successful aneurysmectomy, only to have a catastropic event causing her ICP to rise, and herniate her brainstem. I followed the process from the donor nurse coming to assess her, to the calling of various teams from around the country for organ procurement. She donated heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, eye, skin, and bone. It was very intense, and for some reason, I kept thinking we might be able to "save" her. When her heart was removed, the anesthesiologist turned off the monitors, extubated her, and there was nothing but sudden silence in the room. I had so many thoughts and emotions, and wondered at what point her soul actually left her body, and thoughts along those lines. This was many years ago, yet, I will always remember her, and remember the way I felt and the new respect I found for life and death and the human body and spirit.

[Hawaj]

I had always felt that talking to unresponsive pt. will make us as stupeds but now I realized that It makes us as humans.

thanks for sharing with us your feelings and experiences.

God help you all.

[Susie Nurse]

that was beautiful. thank you soo much for sharing. i always talk to my patients too, whether they just listen, or respond. ur awesome.

[Wendy Leebov Ed.D.]

I'm so glad you chose to go into nursing. You sound very committed to people's well being, and it sounds liek you have a lot of compassion. best wishes.....

Wendy Leebov

[rn5350]

I have only been a nurse for 3 years, but always have known this is what I wanted. In my first year as a new grad, there was a patient that was on the verge of dying, no family was present at the time. We put him on tele, DNR, everyone in the room was kinda just starring, not talking. I had seen his heart go into vtach/vfib from the nurses station, although he was not my patient, I walked in, held his hand, leaned over and said to him, " It's ok sir, don't worry, I'm here with you, soon you won't be suffering anymore, your family is on the way. It's ok to let go." He passed in the next few moments. I guess that just came naturally to me. The CNA next to me, pulled me aside when it was all over, "Jen, that was so beautiful, I wish I had had the courage to do that."

I often find myself a little more attached to my patients than the nurses around me. Sometimes coworkers criticize me for being, "TOO NICE." As one said not long ago, " We will have to work on changing you." I laughed and said, " I don't want to be anyone other than who I AM!"

I had an ALS patient not long ago as well, at times he was on the call light every other minute, for simple, sometimes annoying things like... turn the fan, fix my pillow, open the curtain, I have an itch on my forhead. It did not really bother me to tend to his calls, he was my only patient that time, but those around me kept saying, " OMG he is so annoying, I am glad he isn't my patient." I wouldn't answer the call lights, only if the VENT isn't going off, he can wait!" I said to this person, " You know, if i couldn't move my hands, head, barely my legs and couldn't talk, I would hope someone would treat me with kindness and compassion. This is his only way of controlling what goes on around him. I can only imagine how you would respond in his situation."

I think it goes without saying that we take everything we do for granted. From scratching and itch, to pulling up your blanket when your cold. To go from being and independant person, 5 months later, bed bound. Please remember to treat others the way you would want to be treated! And don't let anyone try to change you, that is what makes you a good nurse!!!

[puppyrules]

thank you for your compassion and kindness and wisdom. i want to be the kind of nurse -- scratch that -- the kind of human being that you are...

[CBsMommy]

Thank you for sharing. I remember my AHA moment in my last clinical of CNA class that I knew nursing was meant for me. I was working in LTC, it was after breakfast so we were wheeling the residents into the TV room to relax. I heard one of the residents, with dementia, screaming. It turns out they were trying to take her slipper off her foot to examine a wound and she was fighting them. I remember a few days before that the only time she would quiet down was if she was next to a radio. I walked into the room and out of nowhere I started singing. Not only were the other techs and LPN able to take off her slipper and sock but the resident started singing with me! She looked up with tears in her eyes and in a moment of proudness for herself let me know that she could count to five. It was one of the most beautiful and awe-inspiring moments of my life and I cannot wait to touch more people's lives like I touched her's.

Way to go!

[tracyd77, RN]

Thanks for sharing... reminds me of a career-confirming moment of my own. I was visiting my best friend in the hospital after her gall bladder surgery and she was in a semi-private room with an elderly patient who was in a coma. We were already sad for the lady b/c she didn't have any visitors the whole time we were there. Then bathing time came and this tech came in with a nurse and administered a bed bath... he kept complaining OUTLOUD about how bad she stunk and that he didn't sign up for this type of job and he couldn't wait until he no longer had to do this dirty work, etc. We were FLOORED that he was saying all of that WHILE bathing the patient. It made me sick! They had the curtain drawn and maybe didn't realize we were on the other side of the curtain, but definitely had no shame in what he was saying. I just knew that the patient could hear him. It broke my heart how inconsiderate he was to her feelings and wanted to stand up to him so badly, but was afraid that my friend's quality of care would suffer if I did. That to me was a light-bulb moment that reminded me what kind of nurse I want to be... total opposite of that jack@$$!!