AAAAHHHHH!!! Help me! OK, OK.... so here I am. I posted a couple of weeks ago, about how nursing just wasn't for me. I wanted to take a break from school (now that I'm one semester away from starting the program) and stay home... concentrating fully on my children. (See post I just can't do it.... ) and now here I am... reading all of your posts and saddened with jealousy. I've had an empty feeling since I've decided to quit school. Kinda like a hole in my heart. Actually, the same kind of hole I felt when I was going to school, and worrying about missing so much of my kids lives.
Then I read about poop smeared all over a wall, or a manager making someones life miserable, or working a holiday, or a med error, or a code... and I remember why I couldn't do it.... then I think of the NICU and start missing the hospital... it sucks.
OK, sorry to rant. I just don't think I'll ever be happy, no matter what I decide. The grass is always greener, I suppose.
Thanks for listening to me. Take care everyone. I've really got to stay away from here for a while...
Then I read about poop smeared all over a wall, or a manager making someones life miserable, or working a holiday, or a med error, or a code... and I remember why I couldn't do it.... then I think of the NICU and start missing the hospital... it sucks.
Jen
You know....it is not remembering why you couldn't do it. It is remembering why you don't want to do it. Why these doing these things daily is not a good fit for you. You can pass meds, work a code, work a holiday, clean poop off a wall. You just don't want to. Maybe high stress situations just aren't your thing! You've realized it is just not for you. And that is OK. I've always wanted to run AWAY from a code, not into it, lol. That's a clue! This is where I ran into trouble myself. For some reason I told myself I was LESS THAN because I didn't want to do what nurses do everyday. Instead of telling myself I was just different. And that there was a place for me too...somewhere outside of nursing! Still haven't figured out where tho! But I just couldn't be OK with the fact I was different!
As far as nursing went, I kept telling myself "well if she can do it I can do it" until I was done and then basically realized "but I don't want to do it!". I am lucky and right now I don't HAVE to do it. Some aren't so lucky. They spend the rest of their lives miserable in the wrong career.
But your whole thing about being that odd girl with glasses fumbling all over the place (what's that about?)..could just be lack of experience. Or that could be a real inherent personality trait of yours. You could be a real introvert trying to force yourself into an extroverted profession. BUT Nursing School will put a backbone on you for sure. Lots of things won't make you as nervous as you thought..or once did. So don't let that hold you back! I read your other posts..saw you volunteered. If you really did some serious soul searching and have found that your personality doesn't jive with nursing..well GOOD FOR YOU AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WHERE YOU CAN WORK WITH OR HELP BABIES. Hands on nursing is not the only thing out there!
And BTW...I will NEVER REGRET spending the $$(I went to a cheaper school, lol) and going to nursing school. Even if I never use this degree, nursing school made me a better person and I learned a lot. Personal growth..even if it happens to be that I don't draw a paycheck from it!It is better to move forward and do SOMETHING, even if that something ends up being the wrong choice, than be paralyzed forever because you are listening to other people and/or don't trust yourself! You can spend your whole life rethinking..rehashing..and never get anything done! Whatever you do, Don't get "stuck"!!
Like you, I come back here and get jealous..and miss some stuff about nursing. But when I really think about it.. what I truly miss is the acedemia of it. Not really the physical contact with pts or the nature of the work. Not missing out on that code. Not being around sick people all the time. Not the lack of lunches or breaks.... If I were to go back..and list pros and cons...I think my list would have far more cons than pros. It would have then and it would now. It is just that..like you said..the grass IS greener. Once you have left it is hard to remember why you left, and why it was the right choice, until you are back in it again and then you are like "WTH am I doing this for again??!" LOL. You wonder how many times you are going to beat that dead horse!:chuckle
I think the secret is finding a career where your pros outweigh your cons. Even if it is only 60/40. But you have to like your job more than you hate it. You have to be comfortable more than you are uncomfortable. Your strengths have to outweigh your weaknesses. Or you will feel miserable day to day. YKWIM??? Having a doc yell out you might suck big time but if you truly love your patients..well, might not suck so much. But if you are struggling to find even a few things you like about your job..well that yelling doc might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.
Never once did I open my paycheck as an RN and think.."WOW, that was really worth it". I always opened it and thought it was never enough and wondered why I tortured myself. lol. You know it is bad when you are wishing you had the housekeeper's job.:chuckle
The problem with nursing is that you really can't judge whether you truly like a job until about one year in AFTER you get your RN. In school you're an anxious wreck and don't know how to do anything and then after you are struggling to adapt to a new job with a new role, etc. That is big time stress and who would really like that at first? So I think you really need to give it longer..if it doesn't kill you first, lol:redbeathe
I kind of feel the same way too, im about to be in my second year of nursing school, and i am still unsure, i really like learning about the diseases and such
I think it is more common than you think, especially those of us looking at nursing as a second career/nontraditional student. After working as a unit secretary, I knew that I could be a nurse and now I have completed my first semester. This summer I'm transferring to a NICU unit as a unit secretary and I love it! I think I definitely found my niche.
I used read a lot of the threads on all nurses including those nurses that were venting (which I totally understand!). I realized that for my own emotional and mental health, I needed to stay clear of them...so the threads I pretty much look at are the NICU threads, the student threads and threads that appear to be more positive in nature.
Since you have some time, don't freak about it now. Take one day at a time. Finish your prereqs, it'll be one less thing to worry about and know it isn't going to be a waste of time.
Thanks again everyone. You know... thrasej... you might be onto something. I'm facinated by the human body, illnesses, diseases...etc, but I'm not to fond of touching someone else. I am a MAJOR germaphobe... I remember I couldn't believe it when the nurse wiped the tears from my sons face after he had his tonsils out. I thought to myself..., "there's no way I could ever wipe someones tears with my finger without a glove on..." ewwww stuff like that.
I cringe at the thought of getting blood on me. And if I had gloves on... I'd be a wreck thinking that someway, somehow that blood would seap thru the gloves and get on my hand finding it's way into an open spot... it's just not reality. I know the odds, I know how to be careful, but the more I worry about stuff like that, the less confident I am, and I just get all fumbly making the possibility all the more likely.
I would love to go to school forever... challenge myself, get all A's, graduate, and then nothing. Just say I did it! But, my darling husband got off that train a long time ago... so that won't be happening anytime soon.
But seriously... maybe I was more in love with the thought of becoming a nurse rather than being one. KWIM? Yeah, me neither.
Who knows... I need something challenging, Lord knows 3 kids can give you that... but it's much more physical most days. Maybe I could get my Master's and teach A&P or something. That might be kind of neat. I always love helping others out in school. We'll see. Keep up the great ideas! I love reading them. And thank you all!!!!!!!!!
But seriously... maybe I was more in love with the thought of becoming a nurse rather than being one. KWIM?
!
Maybe this is what happened. Probably is true for me!
You could get your master's and teach A&P! But will hubby ride that train either? That is more school and more $$ too. I could go that route too..since I have 2 associate degrees now...get an advanced degree, do something else. But I am so scared I'd once again make the wrong decision and then I'd really have some 'splaining to do. lol. But something tells me I'll always keep looking!
BTW..check your PM's..I am sending you one!:heartbeat GL! and for pete's sake tell us what you decide (finally!) to do...
Actually, I have an acquaintance who teaches anatomy at a community college... sounds enviable! I'm pretty sure she has a PhD, though. Not a small investment of time and effort... though perhaps if one is giving satisfaction more weight and a bit less weight on financial return on investment. But a PhD isn't that appealing because you've generally got to pick some obscure little corner of the field and focus on that for years and hundreds of pages of writing.
I'm working with clinical data now and am finding that pretty satisfying. I still get to learn the medical stuff. And I don't dread going to work every day!
I still get frazzled when I've got a bunch of different priorities to juggle, but I've got more time to sort it out than a floor nurse would. I also have reluctantly realized that I can't be too perfectionistic and that pretty good is sometimes actually good enough. Which is a much harder pill to swallow when people's health is in the balance.
Having a clear goal in mind...a mission statement of sorts, before you start nursing school. Complete this statement: I want to be a nurse because....
I am still a student, getting ready to enter my 2nd and final year. Many times I have been up and down during the first year. Doubting my abilities, wondering why I torcher myself while others are out in the sunshine, etc. But, I also have many good days when my confidence is re-enforced and I feel like a nurse, and days that I am inspired.
The mission statement is something I should have written before I started school, so I would have it to look at during my dark times. A reminder of what I was dreaming about when I didn't know any better. That's what is needed when you have doubts--a reminder of your dream.
You wonder how many times you are going to beat that dead horse!:chuckle
Curious1alwys, BSN, RN
1,310 Posts
[quote=luvmy3kids;2890212
Then I read about poop smeared all over a wall, or a manager making someones life miserable, or working a holiday, or a med error, or a code... and I remember why I couldn't do it.... then I think of the NICU and start missing the hospital... it sucks.
Jen
You know....it is not remembering why you couldn't do it. It is remembering why you don't want to do it. Why these doing these things daily is not a good fit for you. You can pass meds, work a code, work a holiday, clean poop off a wall. You just don't want to. Maybe high stress situations just aren't your thing! You've realized it is just not for you. And that is OK. I've always wanted to run AWAY from a code, not into it, lol. That's a clue! This is where I ran into trouble myself. For some reason I told myself I was LESS THAN because I didn't want to do what nurses do everyday. Instead of telling myself I was just different. And that there was a place for me too...somewhere outside of nursing! Still haven't figured out where tho! But I just couldn't be OK with the fact I was different!
As far as nursing went, I kept telling myself "well if she can do it I can do it" until I was done and then basically realized "but I don't want to do it!". I am lucky and right now I don't HAVE to do it. Some aren't so lucky. They spend the rest of their lives miserable in the wrong career.
But your whole thing about being that odd girl with glasses fumbling all over the place (what's that about?)..could just be lack of experience. Or that could be a real inherent personality trait of yours. You could be a real introvert trying to force yourself into an extroverted profession. BUT Nursing School will put a backbone on you for sure. Lots of things won't make you as nervous as you thought..or once did. So don't let that hold you back! I read your other posts..saw you volunteered. If you really did some serious soul searching and have found that your personality doesn't jive with nursing..well GOOD FOR YOU AND FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO DO WHERE YOU CAN WORK WITH OR HELP BABIES. Hands on nursing is not the only thing out there!
And BTW...I will NEVER REGRET spending the $$(I went to a cheaper school, lol) and going to nursing school. Even if I never use this degree, nursing school made me a better person and I learned a lot. Personal growth..even if it happens to be that I don't draw a paycheck from it!
It is better to move forward and do SOMETHING, even if that something ends up being the wrong choice, than be paralyzed forever because you are listening to other people and/or don't trust yourself! You can spend your whole life rethinking..rehashing..and never get anything done! Whatever you do, Don't get "stuck"!!
GOOD LUCK!