I thought my spouse understood.

Christine2009 · Apr 6, 2011

Maybe once you start school he will understand that he needs to step up to the plate and help you with the kids. There are a lot of single moms in my program and do not know how they do it, but they do.

My husband felt the the same way before I started school, now he cooks, cleans, and watches the kids so I can study because he knows that once I finish this program we will be in a better financial situation.

Best of luck to you.

hopefull1 · Apr 6, 2011

I'm afraid I'll be in the same boat. If accepted I'll start in August, and I think it's going to be hard for my husband to gracefully take on the load. Like your husband he was all for it in the beginning, but the closer it gets, the more he acts put out by the idea. Do they not understand it's to better ourselves, and our families? It's hard to know wether we should forge ahead or give up on our dream. I don't want to end up divorced, but hate to give up at the same time.

All I can suggest is to keep the lines of communication open about the expectations you have of him, and yourself. Tell him that the nursing program will be very demanding and you'll have to be able to rely on him for most everything. I hope he comes to understand it won't last forever, and it will be worth it in the end... I hope my husband is able to understand this too.

VioletKaliLPN, LPN · Apr 6, 2011

i am a direct kind of girl, so i do not sugar coat things.

i think you need to sit him down and calmly explain that he cannot go on a mini vacation because *i* am in school, and will not be able to focus on school in his absence.

my fiance' is amazingly supportive, but i had a really long discussion about what we both needed to do for my success in the program. one of his family members went to nursing school, so he did understand the time it takes to succeed.

i am in school 8-3 every day, and i come home and read for at least another 2-4 hours bare minimum. it is a lot of work, and i could not do it without his understanding.

we do not have children yet, so our situation is different, but i understand what it takes to succeed.

jackiew75 · Apr 6, 2011

I appreciate the responses -- even the one's that are not sugar coated!

I guess I am just at a loss as we have had MANY conversations regarding the difficulty and sacrifices that need to be made; hence waiting till the kids were a bit older. I did ok the one mini vacation, hoping this would allow him once last chance to get out and have fun. Unfortunately, he somehow misconstrued that to mean that weekends and evenings were still going to be "his".

I hate to come of as if I am whining, because I certainly am not that person. I too have had many friend's and family members who have attended nursing school and believed that *we* were both well aware of what our lives were going to entail for the next year. The more I look back on the initial post, the more I begin to wonder if there is not "more" to this nonsense.

Isitpossible, LPN, LVN · Apr 6, 2011

Jackie, you will have to sit and have good talk with your husband again..Most likely since you havent started school yet, he doesnt understand just how much studying you will be doing, and that your going to needs his support 10fold...let him have the little vacation, he will need it too..but you really really have to explain it to him again and again..my husband is supportive, but sometimes i feel he could be more supportive..for instance, my husband simply does not do homework with our son..no matter what, im the one helping with homework all the time! but he cooks cleans etc...just a balance girl..dont worry too much, u guys will get in a rhythm!! 60miles traveling you say? WHOOOOOO...good luck!

VioletKaliLPN, LPN · Apr 6, 2011

you are so not whining at all!! i promise. you are concerned that he is not understanding the workload you are getting ready to undertake.

if i were you i would absolutely talk to him again, let him know what he needs to do to support you.

ladylinton1 · Apr 6, 2011

Jackie, the nursing program is very grueling. You will need all the mental, financial and emotional support your husband can give. I certainly would sit him down and explain how much you need for him to step up and pick up the slack. This decision will change not just your life but the family as a whole. Hopefully once the program starts for you he will see how dedicated you are and will try to ease up the pressure. What I did when I was in the program was include my husband in my studies. He tested me and allow me to practice health assessments, taking vital etc. That way he felt he was included in me getting through the program. I wish you well with everything and your future.

NeedchangeofPace · Apr 7, 2011

I start school in August and my school has an orientation, not only for students but for the "significant others".

It is geared so that they understand the undertaking the student is about to take and the demands that are required.

Place a call to your school and see if such a program exists.

Good Luck!

kristilu · Apr 9, 2011

When I first sat down and tried to have "the talk" with my husband about the help and cooperation and sacrifice that was going to be involved, he told me that it was going to be no different than an 8-5 job.. HA! I just kept on going though, I'm now almost done with my 2nd semester and he has been very supportive. I have 2 children who are involved in school sports, recreational sports etc...Although he doesn't do much to help with housework, he has finally come to the point to where he doesn't gripe about it, he knows when i can I will. He now tells me to only focus on my school and food lol! Hang in there, it is just impossible for people who haven't been thru it to understand it. Once he sees your focus and your drive to succeed he will jump on board with you. And if he doesn't, you will figure out who will (ex: siblings, family, friends). Good luck!

jackiew75 · Apr 9, 2011

We did have the "talk" again. For my situation, I needed to think outside the box and find a way to make him understand the repercussion if did not "get it together" and I did not do well. Money was the answer. I explained to him that if I did not "pass", he would still be responsible for 25K in school loan and that I would go back to bartending. Neither of those options sounded very good to him, so I believe he may understand now. Just like myself, I think he has a lot of anxiety about this schedule change, since I am the one who takes care of everything in the home. Needchangofpace, the orientation is only for students...

Kristilu, I had to laugh because my husband views this as not only a simple 9-5 job, but also has that misconception planted into his head that college is "fun" and you get to "party". Although he is very successful, he has never attended college or any secondary schooling. I did spend the last year at a local CC to work on pre-reqs, so he does have some understanding of the commitment required (I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to my education, now that I am an adult).

Thank you all for your kind words and supportive thoughts! The next 4 weeks will be spent teaching my husband and children how to be a bit more independent and helpful, rather than relying on mom/wife to do everything. And yes Isitpossible, 60 miles each way (I dread the drive in the winter as New Hampshire roads can be tough)! I do have an ipod that I am hoping to use as a recorder during lectures so that I can use that time on the road wisely; then I can re-listen and passively study during that long commute!

You guys have all been great and I enjoy the positive thoughts! Thanks!

mama_d, BSN, RN · Apr 11, 2011

Nothing actually prepares you for nursing school, unfortunately! It'll take the whole family making sacrifices, even the kids. Be prepared to feel torn between your roles as wife, mother, and student. It can be done, of course, as there are plenty of us that have done it or are doing it now. Be sure to take time for you, time for the kids, and time for your husband. Find ways to stay connected to them during this journey you're all embarking on. For me, I was so focused on what I needed to do for school and work that I lost sight of what everyone at home was going through for a while...please don't make the same mistake, b/c it is much harder to fix it once it happens than to avoid it to begin with!

You'll also need to talk with your kids, I think. Mine are probably a little bit older than yours, but we've had discussions all along...just an acknowledgement to them that you wish you could be there more often, or go to that ball game, but you can't b/c you're trying to make things better for the whole family, can go a long way. For my kidlets the thing that helps when they get upset about it is reminding them of what we'll be able to have once I get my RN...summer vacations, a car we can go on road trips in, eventually a bigger house, and college for them.

Also let hubby know that you know some things are going to have to give, and you're OK with that. My standards while I'm in school are clean clothes for the kids, a house that's clean enough that DFS won't get called, and food available...I don't care if it's been a month since the floor got mopped, or if there's dust bunnies waiting to attack from behind the couch, or toothpaste spots on the mirror...hubby basically ends up being a single parent for an extended amount of time between my work and school, so allowances have to be made.

All the best to you and yours...