I saw my first patient that died today...

[heartlover07]

This was a patient that I had for clinical 2 weeks ago and today when I went in they said that a patient had died this morning and asked if any of the students would like to perform or observe post-mortem care. I was reluctant but thought I am going to have to deal with it at some time or another, so may as well go in and do it. I did not know at the time that it was my patient from two weeks ago cause she had moved to a different room and they did not tell us the name of the patient. I was surprised to see that it was her because two weeks ago she was walking and talking. Turns out that over the last week she had been changed to hospice care and this morning she died. I am trying to deal with it but I have never seen a dead body other than my grandmother at the funeral home, and it was just strange. Does it get easier?

[bill4745, RN]

After 13 years of ICU and ER, I've seen hundreds. Yes, it becomes easier, but it never becomes easy. The hard part is seeing the families and their tears.

The hard part in ER is children and babies - lots of big, strong doctors and nurses with tears in their eyes.

[CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN]

Dear heartlover07,

I just wanted to let you know these initial first steps in the health care field bear so much weight in our impressionable newbie minds. Thank goodness that our care not only treats the patient toward wellness but toward the end of life, a full spectrum of treatment. Doctors treat the disease and we treat the patient**; plain and simple; even the ones that pass...their families' woes, the dignity of death.

2 Snapshots of my life in this field:

I had a physician (unbeknownst to me at the time he was a physicain) as a client early in my career who refused to have the face mask on his person, even though it gave him relief. He eventually passed. And I and others came in for the post mortem care. He, in the transition toward death looked grim; he knew his prognosis, a lifetime of smoking had given him a dreary prognosis that he was fully aware of . Upon looking at his face which had been contorted and miserable replacing this was a beautiful balanced face "the great physician" he was, dignified at the final curtain. Poised to tell all, "I am in peace and wish to share to you who dress me for my final journey, I may have looked grim during the death process, yet now I am poised to move on to better things."

And then there was the most intriguing other true tale. The nurse who came up to be my nurse assistant assistant to help me in step down when I was overwhelmed and a generous shift leader put me in charge of a nurse...here I am an aide bygosh wild isn't it!? Anyway, I told her to please make rounds and finish all of the 1600 vitals. Well, she did as she was told as all good nurses do LOL and when she got to the final patient who had died it turned out to be her cousin who she had not seen in 20 years (the God's truth) and her daughter (who this nurse had never met!) She told me later that she was happy to have had the priveledge of saying goodbye and meeting her cousin's daughter.

Anyway, hope you recover from the misery of the reality of the things we face in hospital work soon! Yet, take it in stride and be grateful to be priveledged to witness few outside the healthcare field ever do see!

PS. ** I stole this idea from TriageRN34 and will remember and share its simplicity till I die! Hopefully a quick death and one without needless endless suffering vented, airmattress, trache peg etc etc etc loLOLOLllooooooh!

[burn out]

Each death is as unique and individual as is each birth. The way we react may vary depending on our frame of reference and what is going on in our life at the time. Death is something we, at first when we are young, see happening to other people . Then death is seen closer to home to a friend from long ago or an elder family member. Then death starts visiting our friends and parents and eventually will come to see us. It is as much a part of life as waking up and going to work each day. We don't have to like it, we can fight it every chance we get, but we must respect it.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

While it does get easier, it never becomes routine. In the ER, I did post-mortem care for many people, some who died way too young and in horrible, painful ways. However, it was because of my religious beliefs that I was able to do it. To each his own. You have to have your own coping mechanisms in order to survive.

[dragonflyRN]

While it does get easier, it never becomes routine. In the ER, I did post-mortem care for many people, some who died way too young and in horrible, painful ways. However, it was because of my religious beliefs that I was able to do it. To each his own. You have to have your own coping mechanisms in order to survive.

Wow....Trauma, well it just scares me. I do agree, but mine are not there. I have not lost a patient, yet. I would like to think it was skills, but prolly luck.

[TrudyRN]

Yes, it gets easier. It's always sad, it's sometimes mixed in with a sense of relief that the person's suffering here is over if it was a slow, painful death, such as from Ca, and prayer that they are going to Heaven. Praying for the deceased and the surviving family and friends helps you get through doing what has to be done.

I once had to care for a stillborn baby. She was so beautiful, perfectly formed, just born dead, for God alone knows what reason. Her little body had been placed in the dirty utility room and left all alone. This was, I though, a despicable thing to do. It's not like she had some sort of contagion.

Per policy, I asked the parents if they wanted to hold her and have a picture with their little girl. Mom declined, Dad accepted.

I ran around grabbing flowers from other patients (some were willing to lend, others resentful, which I understood but it still ticked me off) and made a nice scenario with clean sheets and flowers. I then handed Dad his little girl and took some pictures of them. I then got away stat and bawled my heart out because it was so very sad. I've thought often of this family and wonder if they kept the pictures and if they're glad they have them, if Mom regrets not having me take some of her with her dtr, etc.

I have learned that I don't have to know all the answers. That's what God is for.

Yes, it gets easier as you grow and live. Just do your best and God bless you.

[heartlover07, RN]

I have to say I can't fathom how you all deal with losing children and babies....as you say you adapt to it in your own way, but I just can't imagine it. I have not chosen to go into pediatrics mostly for this reason, I know for sure it would kill me to have to go through that. I have the utmost respect for you nurses that deal with this on a regular basis. I know that death is part of the line of work that I have chosen, and I know that I can handle it as an eventuallity for some of my patients (I am starting on a cardiac stepdown unit) but with adults it does seem easier to accept it.

I have had several patients visit me in my dreams that have died, I did not see them after they had died, just heard that they had. I seems that maybe they were saying their last goodbye....

[chuck1234]

The first time is scary. However, after a few times, things will get easier. You will learn this is only a part of life. Do you know the hardest part is to deal with the family members...especially, when my patients died at young age. I remember I had one two months ago in the ICU. His mother came to the ICU just to sign the consent form. However, six hours later, my patient died after we had to call the code two times on him...he died eventually...it was hard on me too...seeing his loved ones crying...this is the hardest part...I will never forget this.

[dmwRNpa]

No, it doesnt get easier, persay. It gets easier to deal with, but in all reality its always going to be hard. You imagine the family and their grief, and that makes it hard also. But it is part of life, you are born, you live, and then you die. Its amazing sometimes how fast people deteriorate. I was devastated with my first patient death. Now I can deal with it in a professional manner, but I still feel badly for the grieving family and friends. Keep your chin up, it all works out for the best in the end.:balloons:

[zacarias, ASN, RN]

In floor nursing, I don't see death all that often. But this last week there was a death and it was hard on me.

I had admitted the patient the night before. I came on shift and she sleeping so I saw another patient first. I get called by a tech saying she's satting 76. So I run in the room and sure enough 'Betty' is gasping for breath (she is COPD and always is labored) but this woman is going having a hard time and starting to lose reality. I verify her sats and run for the non-rebreather to get her sats up.

A long story short, she was retracting on a bipap for a day until the friend/POA decided to let her go after talking to extended family. She died in minutes.

The part that was difficult for me was that when I admitted her, she had told me that she was alone. She was 88 and alone and had a son that was rich and traveling the world. She had wanted to go to the doctor the week before but had no one to take her. (surely at independent living facilities they have people that do this)

Her friend was in her 80s too, dying of CA, on chemo, weak, AND the pt's POA. When the patient took a turn, we had to call the friend, wake her up and have her come down. This sickly old woman with a heart of gold had to see her best friend this way and then try to contact the pt's distant family. I had to hold on to the friend because she could hardly hold herself up, mostly likely because of the anemia plus all this.

The strength of the human spirit is beyond comprehension. I told my patient as I held her hand how fortunate her friend was to have such a friend in her.

[Tiwi]

I have mainly dealt with adult deaths (that sounds so impersonal). The first person I will never forget...he was NFR, I was still a student as well, and I found myself bawling my eyes out. I also didn't know how to deal with the relatives.

Do you know something? I still find it hard to deal with relatives, though I'm getting better. The best thing I have found is to allow them space, but let them spend as much time with their loved one, and be available whenever they need you...which is really hard. Don't pretend you know all the answers, just listen.

When I help lay someone out, I find when I wash them, I tell them what's happening and talk to them. OK maybe they can't hear me, but I think "so where are they spiritually?", and feel I should treat them with the respect they deserve. And I notice I'm not the only one who does this. To each their own.

If it was an unexpected death, it's all the harder because your own emotions are topsy turvy, and trying to help family when you are finding it difficult to cope yourself is really hard. And you don't have all the answers. I usually call the senior to help here.

My sister lost a couple of children at fourteen weeks. I stayed at the hospital for the second miscarriage (hate that word). The baby was so tiny. The worst thing was that my sister felt that the baby was fourteen weeks old, if you know what I mean, and she had developed a relationship/excitement with each pregnancy. I have learnt never to take that for granted again. Mothers in this situation really do deserve care...

[CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN]

she was 88 and alone and had a son that was rich and traveling the world. she had wanted to go to the doctor the week before but had no one to take her. (surely at independent living facilities they have people that do this)

her friend was in her 80s too, dying of ca, on chemo, weak, and the pt's poa. when the patient took a turn, we had to call the friend, wake her up and have her come down. this sickly old woman with a heart of gold had to see her best friend this way and then try to contact the pt's distant family. i had to hold on to the friend because she could hardly hold herself up, most likely because of the anemia plus all this.

the strength of the human spirit is beyond comprehension. i told my patient as i held her hand how fortunate her friend was to have such a friend in her.

wow, what a story. these stories we face and hurt the core of our being. oddly, i look forward to looking back awed at having experiencing them and sharing them with grand kids, that is if they have the stomach and maturity for them!

if i were a great painter, i'd muster up the effort to paint this heartfelt heroic act of friendship! :yeahthat: :redpinkhe