I am not proud of my track record.

[STARL]

Where do begin? I have been an LPN for 1 year in 2 months and unfortunately during this period I have had 5! nursing jobs. yes 5.

(1) I started off in a nursing home, just to find my niche I didn't like it but I needed a form of income and I needed some experience in the field. Two months in the DON called me and said, he thinks that its best that he let me go. He didn't give me a specific reason, but during my orientation the nurses that trained me had to evaluate how I was doing, so I assumed that did not do well during orientation. Like I said, I did not like the nursing home, I had 30-32 patients to care for and I just did not feel safe nor happy.

(2) My second job was in a pediatric home health, I was working for a family and one of the orders called for me to put cotton ball in the little boy's ears as he had surgery 2 days before. Well, I did put cotton ball in my patient ear but I had soaked and drained it with H.Peroxide. Well, the next day the family called the agency and said I put a wet cotton ball in the boys ears. The order stated for me to cleaned around the boy's ear with a cotton tip and H.peroxide and then placed a cotton ball in his ear. My mistake was I misunderstood what the outgoing nurse was telling me before she left about the patient new orders. My fault. It was a med error and the agency said I cannot work for them unless I complete a med error CEU. I never completed it, so never went back to work for them. Although, 6 months later they were still calling me to come work for them because they need nurses so bad. I didn't the patients they assign me usually live 45-50 minutes away and I just couldn't put myself through that again.

(3) My third job was a nursing home again. This lasted a month and a few weeks. I mentioned that I do not like the nursing home. I don't. But my mom work in this particular nursing home and she gave told the DON about me. Well, since my mom has been there for 5 years and a good worker they hired me. Well, I had so much patient work load that I did not do my treatments, although I charted that I did. This led to me having a meeting with the DON and 4 other people in administration. I was so nervous at that meeting that I told myself that I never want to be in such a position again. I felt humiliated, embarrassed, and just incompetent as a nurse. I was first suspended, but then let go. They informed me that they would report me to the BON. well it's been 8 months, have not gotten anything from the BON and I've checked my license online and it says I'm in good standing no complaints.

(4) My fourth job was at a pediatric clinic. i did not like it much as I felt I was losing many of my skills. I mostly gave immunizations to babies and worked on the doctor's schedule for the week. I worked there for 4 months but then i had to leave due to the fact that I started an RN program and the schedule would conflict with my work schedule. The manager loved me, got great reviews from them. I still felt bad though due to my recent firing. My self esteem just plummeted and Im still feeling like somethings wrong with me. Anyways, I did not get fired from this job, I left due to school.

(5) I am currently working for 2 agencies. one is a pediatric agency and the other is a pediatric and adult agency. Well, yesterday I got fired from the pediatric agency. The reason is I document that I left at my scheduled time when in reality I left 30 minutes early three time. Did I think they would find out? yeah. Did I think it was an issue. I did. I literally cannot figure out any reason as to why I charted that I left at 0700 when in reality I left at 0630. At the other agency I work for, one of the parents always let me leave early and she said I can still write down the time I left as the time I was scheduled. in my head, I started to think it was no longer a big deal so i did it with this agency. I know in nursing school they teach us not to do this, I hate that I'm not abiding by the things that I was taught in school and letting others influence my judgement. I knew it was a big deal and I did it anyway. I'm sure the other nurses that work with the pediatric/adult agency leave early but chart their scheduled time cause the guardian (mom) said its ok. Anyways, got called into the office today and I was let go. It is considered insurance fraud. in total I lied and said I worked 1 hour and 30 minutes. The DON were saying that the insurance company might not think its a big deal they might just say "oh, its only 1 hour and let it go. they do not think that I was trying to be malicious. but they have to report it to the BON. Two of the times I left, the patient had an appointment in the morning so he had to leave at 0530 but I charted that I left at 0600. the other time I left early is when I emailed the agency saying that I can now work 12 hours form 7pm-7am. well it wasn't suppose to start that particular week, but the following cause I have nursing clinical in the morning. Hence I left at 0630 but charted i left at 7. The DON was saying it all depends on how the BON choose to handle it.

I do not know what's wrong with me. I've never been fired before until I started nursing. I'm a few months from graduating an RN program and I still cannot get my act together. I want to treat this as a lesson learned. I'm feeling stupid cause I've been fired so many times. I'm still working for the pediatric/adult agency but I am going to chart the correct time that I leave, at the end of the day the I have to protect my license no one else. Does anyone know how long it will take for the BON to contact me? will they make a big deal over 1 hour and 30 minutes? My first year of nursing was rough. I take full responsibility. I am so embarrassed that I created another account to write this although my other account is not even lay real name. I need to remember all the handwork I put in into obtaining my license and not let it go so easily. What's wrong with me? I just do not think that I am learning from my mistakes as a normal human being would.

[macawake, MSN]

I haven't read all posts in this long thread but from what I've seen I think that it has outlived its usefulness. At this point it's in my opinion no longer helpful or constructive.

Either OP is now starting to understand the gravity of her professional misconduct with among other things; multiple treatments charted as completed when in fact they weren't. If that realization is starting to sink in then OP is in an emotionally vulnerable place and piling on further will likely not bring about anything positive. If on the other hand OP is still primarily focusing on her own difficult situation with no or scant regard for the plight of her patients, then another 18 pages of moral/ethical outrage, no matter how justified, will likely not change a single thing.

It's not easy just to quit my current home health job and drop out of school. what I have done is improved my nursing care with my current patient and signed up for my first counseling session.

OP, I think that it's good that you've signed up for counselling. I think that you need to stay the course and figure out for yourself where you went wrong and why.

As far as continuing nursing I think that an appropriate litmus test would be if you can honestly answer the following question in the affirmative; are you the kind of nurse that you would want for yourself or a loved one if you were sick, vulnerable and at the mercy of your nurses' professionalism and integrity? I don't want to hear your answer, it's a dialogue you need to have with yourself.

To be honest, I'm so so depressed about the whole situation. I can't believe that after 1 year of nursing I am at risk of losing my license and the possibility of facing criminal charges. I have literally ruined my life.

No, you haven't ruined your life. You have made a series of very poor choices that really amount to self-sabotage and you need to figure out why so that you can make better choices in the future. You need to figure it out for you and also for the sake of people whose life you affect. It's crucial that you do.

You are now faced with the possibility that your previous choices will have consequences, legal and/or professional. If they do, I think you'll be in for a tough time in you life. My advice is to seek continuing support in the form of counselling. It'll be difficult but it's also a chance to come to terms with your previous actions and provides an opportunity to shape the "new" you. You can change. Accept responsibility for previous actions and start fresh by making choices that make you feel good about yourself and feel proud of the things that you contribute. That's a much better place to be in and yes, it's possible for you. You are young and have your life ahead of you.

At this point, I wouldn't mind starving.

This type of emotional self-flagellation isn't healthy or helpful. You being miserable, dejected and depressed is not a desired outcome. My wish for you is that this experience will make you mature and become a person that you can be proud of.

One final piece of advice. I think that you should close the account that you are using to post in this thread and only use your original account (and not post about this matter at all under your original username). You are sharing too many details about what you have done and what's currently happening in your life. I don't think that you should keep posting about this. The internet isn't always as anonymous as we might think and this whole thing is rather serious business.

OP, I wish you well.

[STARL]

I agree. This thread has ran its course...Thanks for the many suggestions!

[caliotter3]

Surprised that this thread is still available for the perusal of the OP's Board, now that it is out there that Board action is in the works.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

Surprised that this thread is still available for the perusal of the OP's Board, now that it is out there that Board action is in the works.

I'm sure the OP's BON has already found this post.

[caliotter3]

I'm sure the OP's BON has already found this post.

Of course. The more they talk, the more there is to read about, from the first post. But removing the thread also sends a message.

[kuma]

You must look in the mirror and be truly/completely honest with yourself... Do you really have a problem understanding, nurses are not allowed by law, our governing body, society, and our peers to lie because we are entrusted with lives? Or do you really not care?

Would you want your mother to be cared for by a nurse who is fraudulent, deceitful and of low ethical standing? Absolutely not. Neither does anyone else.

I hate to say this but you need to change fields. If you cannot be transparent and honest it's just a matter of time before legal charges are pressed, your license is revoked, and or, god forbid you kill someone.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I haven't read all posts in this long thread but from what I've seen I think that it has outlived its usefulness. At this point it's in my opinion no longer helpful or constructive.

Either OP is now starting to understand the gravity of her professional misconduct with among other things; multiple treatments charted as completed when in fact they weren't. If that realization is starting to sink in then OP is in an emotionally vulnerable place and piling on further will likely not bring about anything positive. If on the other hand OP is still primarily focusing on her own difficult situation with no or scant regard for the plight of her patients, then another 18 pages of moral/ethical outrage, no matter how justified, will likely not change a single thing.

I don't think this thread will die because more & more people will come on the website, view this thread & like a lot of people, not read all the pages. With the body of this thread being so controversial, I don't see comments stopping until the post is closed.

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I haven't read all posts in this long thread but from what I've seen I think that it has outlived its usefulness. At this point it's in my opinion no longer helpful or constructive.

Either OP is now starting to understand the gravity of her professional misconduct with among other things; multiple treatments charted as completed when in fact they weren't. If that realization is starting to sink in then OP is in an emotionally vulnerable place and piling on further will likely not bring about anything positive. If on the other hand OP is still primarily focusing on her own difficult situation with no or scant regard for the plight of her patients, then another 18 pages of moral/ethical outrage, no matter how justified, will likely not change a single thing.

I don't think this thread will die because more & more people will come on the website, view this thread & like a lot of people, not read all the pages. With the body of this thread being so controversial, I don't see comments stopping until the post is closed.

OP, I wouldn't put what city you live in on your profile. You have already put so much information in this thread that I'm sure anyone who knows you can identify you. Even if I lived in a huge city like Houston, Dallas, Austin or San Antonio I wouldn't list it on my profile. You're not as anonymous as you think & the nursing world is REALLLY small!

[MarisL]

(clipped) ... I agree with the others, that you need to do some serious soul-searching. Add to that, counseling, personal and/or career, for your apparent habit of sabotaging yourself on the job....(clipped).

Yes. Exactly.

OP: Reading your post, it seems to me that it is an almost classically exact description of self sabotage.

You express that you are puzzled about why you have done things that have led to multiple job changes in a short time period. I wonder if the job is the only part of your life where you find yourself puzzled by your behavior. Self sabotage usually extends into many aspects of a person's life.

There may be other reasons for self sabotage, but the one I have heard of is that the person involved has somehow gotten used to things going badly for them, and come to believe that things should go badly for them.

So that if things are going well, like they are being given a raise, cognitive dissonance kicks in and they feel uncomfortable. As a result, because the world isn't turning out the way they have come to expect, they proceed to mess things up, until they can be sure that the world will go back to the "I don't deserve for things to go right, and they don't go right for me" pattern.

That is indeed a sad situation. When the sad situation takes patients down the "bad things happen here" rabbit hole also, it must be changed immediately.

I don't know you, so I could easily be wrong about the causes of what you are doing.

What I do know is this: Whatever it is that caused the thing inside you where you don't understand your odd choices, you can not let that damage extend into the lives of vulnerable patients.

I think you should step out of nursing, now. I know this bluntness may not go over well, but consider: you could end a life, the way you are going at things now. There are consequences if that were to happen, that would make the sting of blunt words trivial by comparison.

My words will mean nothing to you in an hour (likely less), but if your troubled decision making was to make you responsible for a patient losing their life - that would haunt you the rest of your life. It could change your life completely. Not to mention what it would cost the patient and family involved.

I think you need help. If you have tried counseling and it didn't help, switch counselors until it does. Until you understand what is going on with you, until you have fixed it: for your sake, for your patient's sake, find a different line of work.

Individually, one incident of most of the multiple- incident things you have related could have happened to people who could still quite reasonably continue a career in nursing.

However, the pattern of repeating the same mistake over and over, when you knew it was a mistake, and not knowing why you did something, that is not par for the course.

Much more importantly, the part where you didn't treat patients who needed treatments, AND you charted that you had treated them, AND that fact didn't keep you up at night ...... that that is a major outlier. That is a flashing neon sign saying "You need to change careers, now."

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

At this point I will give my usual advice when someone comes here facing licensing issues from the BON and potential criminal charges. You need to get off the Internet, retain an attorney and stop talking publicly about your case. Everything here is discoverable and can and will be used against you. You have basically already admitted guilt in ink. Get a lawyer. Your RN school WILL find out about this and likely drop you from the program. It would be in your best interest to quietly approach them about this and take back your power by getting out voluntarily.

[l1234567]

I would finish your degree and see if you can do graduate entry. Try teaching highshool biology and English. They can take away your license but they can't take away your degree- you will definitely limit your options by dropping out. I highly doubt you will be kicked out if you have a few weeks to go. Although I don't know if your obligated to tell your school- if not don't. I also would be surprised if you get criminal charges. Get a lawyer. I think nursing as a career path will be difficult logistically now and it may not be the right career path for you. ETA- you can say if questioned about why teaching or different career path: that you realised it wasn't the right fit. Also once you've finished your degree (or even now!) see if you can voluntary revoke your license. That should look favourably and help with the fallout

[OrganizedChaos, LVN]

I would finish your degree and see if you can do graduate entry. Try teaching highshool biology and English. They can take away your license but they can't take away your degree- you will definitely limit your options by dropping out. I highly doubt you will be kicked out if you have a few weeks to go. Although I don't know if your obligated to tell your school- if not don't. I also would be surprised if you get criminal charges. Get a lawyer. I think nursing as a career path will be difficult logistically now and it may not be the right career path for you. ETA- you can say if questioned about why teaching or different career path: that you realised it wasn't the right fit. Also once you've finished your degree (or even now!) see if you can voluntary revoke your license. That should look favourably and help with the fallout

The OP is doing an RN to LVN bridge program, which means most likely that she would receive an associate's degree & would not be able to teach, at any level.

It doesn't matter if she has 1 day left, the nursing program would probably kick her out if they found out & the OP didn't tell her school.

Why would she not get charged criminally when what she did was illegal aka against the law.