I need encouragement...please!

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I have worked in office administration for over 8 years. I have worked in the music industry, with temperamental artists, and most recently, in transportation with truck drivers. I've alway felt I was in "the wrong place" in life, and two years ago started taking nursing classes at night. I have always suffered from low self esteem, but have done well and have an 88% average. I got 92% in Nursing Theory last semester! I was over the moon.

However, I have worked full-time while doing this. I cannot afford not to. I had a good job, albeit with an abusive boss. He regularly berated his employees. He fired people for silly reasons (we had a driver whose daughter was brutally murdered. He was a good employee. My boss "starved" him for work until he quit, saying that he didn't want anyone with "that sort of mental thing" hanging over his head). Increasingly, I found his abuse to be harder and harder to take. He regularly had me in tears. Of course he saw this as a weakness, and two weeks ago he "laid me off".

I am devastated. I have had consistently good reviews, raises etc., but I feel like a failure. I keep thinking I was a lousy employee. I tried not to mope and immediately went out the next day and enrolled in a Personal Support Worker program at a community college (the equivalent of a CNA here in Canada). It is a four month program and I am still taking my RN courses at night. I'm finding the work easy - it's theory all over again - and doing well. I will be desperate for a job in May of this year - hoping to get hired somewhere. I'm hoping my being enrolled in nursing school will help my job prospects.

But, mentally I am falling apart. I cry every night. I have never been unemployed, and I am using my retirement savings to live off of, plus my husband, who has a good job (though not good enough to sustain us past May) and is extremely supportive. I worry all the time. I have nightmares, and can't sleep.

When he laid me off and I asked why, he yammered on and blurted out "you can be too sensitive". I keep thinking the week before Christmas, when he called us all "F-ing Retards", and my eyes welled up (I'm not talking sobbing here, just shaky and teary eyed. I can't help it when someone yells at me and calls me a moron, which he has) I lost my job right there and then.

My husband cannot understand my feelings of failure, since I'm doing so well in school. But I simply can't get past the fact I lost my job!!!

Any tips? I'm so very worried I won't be able to handle the emotional aspects of nursing. I get upset because I care about people. I don't think anyone has the right to abuse anyone else. We are all people and deserve respect. I deserve respect. So why can't I get past this mourning period? I have an appointment with my doctor this week. I've had bouts of depression that I've been on meds for before. I'm wondering if thats what I need this time....

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Specializes in Critical Care.

Hey, you have made good grades while working and that is not easy. You obviously are smart and well organized or you would not have accomplished that. Those skills will be invaluable as a nurse. As far as that ass of a boss, Honey, come on, you are so better off not working for him. Stay focused on school, it is amazing as each semester passes how much knowledge you learn and with it the power and esteem that you can accomplish a difficult goal. You can and are doing it well so hang in there. You are lucky to have a supportive husband. Be good to each other. After rereading your post I just can't imagine crying after being laid off, you should be celebrating. No one should make your life that miserable and now that you are out of that abusive situation it won't be.

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have you tried talking with a councler about this to try and resolve these post issues that have happened to you? Here in the states, it would be illegal to talk in that type of harrassing form to an employee. Sorry your feeling so down.

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yes that is illegal where i live. bosses like that can come up for lawsuits over here for stuff like that. thank god you got out when you did. my mom worked for a boss like that for 11 years and in the end she took it out on my father and me and my brother. now her and my dad is divorced and my brother and I have kept contact to a minimum b/c it changed her from a happy go lucky person to a mental screaming mess. just thank god you got out for your sanity!!!

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It is technically illegal here too. But to do anything about it, I would have to get a lawyer, which he has had done to him before and it has just ended up costing $$$ in legal fees. One woman really tried, and she had a great case, and she still got nothing but a reference letter.

I cried because I have lost my independance, my source of income. We really relied on my income. It will be a struggle just to make it till the end of May. I am disqualified for unemployment insurance because I am in school.

I am considering asking my doctor about Counselling. I know in my rational head that I have nothing to feel badly about, yet I still do. My husband is wonderful. I used to have a very unsupportive partner who demeaned me as well. I have a history of men (including my father) being very unsupportive emotionally, so I guess that's why I stayed so long in my office position and just took the abuse.

I have another question...when I start applying for CNA jobs, I have seen that often employers need a work related reference. I can get glowing reports from my teachers at school and the program co-ordinators; but my former boss will probably not give me a good reference. Even though I did nothing wrong, he sees former employees as not "worthy" of his time and frequently gives out bad references to those no longer with the company. Even the day I picked up my last paycheque, he wouldn't look at me, speak to me...I was so hurt because I've never done anything wrong! My most recent raise was six months ago, and it was a substantial one. How do I dance around that subject? I do have a good friend who is still there (and looking for another job), and we shared an office and worked closely for five years, but she was not my supervisor (small company with 10 office employees). My job before that, I have a glowing reference letter, but have no clue where my former supervisor is now, so wouldn't know what phone number to give!

Thank you for the support.

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Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.

I have been laid off in the past also-I think we tend to personalize it much more then most men.I went into a really deep depression.I even had physical symptoms..-headaches,nausea and diarrhea..I got to the point where I went days without getting dressed and leaving the house.My husband finally told me that I was loosing it.An antidepressant and a job fixed me up fast...Good luck to you

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Worthy,

I have had an experience to yours. It does get better. Counseling and an anti-depressant helped me. About a job reference-I would use the co-worker you mentioned in your post. Also, can you get a grant or loan to finish your schooling?

Take care. I hope you feel better soon. I'm sure you will be a great nurse!

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Specializes in ICU.

Sometimes in life one door MUST close before the next will open. The door closed and put a so on it and look for the next oppportunity. That opportunity will be there.

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I lost my job in October of last year. I had been an engineer for 15 years but was laid off for the third time in 8 years due to being in manufacturing. My plan is to draw unemployment until it runs out. This way I can stay in school full time this semester. I am taking 4 of my needed 7 pre-req's this semester, 1 Maymester, and 2 this summer which by then I will be (I hope) accepted to the nursing program. If accepted I will live off of student loans until I finish. My point is that you are not alone. My attitude is that if they do not want me I do not want them. I even have to see the person who laid me off in church on Sundays. I say get on with it. Get mad enough at the ones who laid you off to be a better success than them. Stop living in the past. If this sounds harsh just believe that it the only way you can move on to something better.

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Specializes in ORTHOPAEDICS-CERTIFIED SINCE 89.

Gwentih wrote:

Sometimes in life one door MUST close before the next will open. The door closed and put a so on it and look for the next oppportunity. That opportunity will be there.

In your heart you know you are not at fault for this. I strongly recommend your asking your physician for a counselor referral.

Once I was "encouraged to resign" from a job I really hated and I felt lower than nothing. I seriously considered driving into a bridge abutment. I didn't but I could have. If I had I wouldn't have seen my kids finish high school, university, one get married, one get a master's degree....and have had my wonderful hubby for all these years.

Low self esteem is a vicious cycle.....you feel down, you try something to improve the situation, someone kicks you down......I know all about it.

Good luck, you will succeed!!

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Specializes in Neurology, Neurosurgerical & Trauma ICU.

Worth,

As someone who also worked in trucking for a boss that sounds just like your old one, I can definately say that your getting fired was probably a good thing, even though you may not realize it now!

I worked with this guy for years, and trust me, we argued on almost a daily basis! LOL I guess the difference between you and I was that I stood up for myself and wasn't afraid to tell him what an arss he was! My coworkers used to almost look forward to our daily fight because I made him look stupid and yet he never even realized it half the time. :roll

Anyway, this is not about me, it's about you!!! Please remember that everything in life happens for a reason...and usually, we come out a better person for whatever happened!

Keep trying and keep going! Don't let this man get the best of you! Perhaps you could benefit from some counseling and/or drug therapy?

Take care!

:kiss

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Specializes in Med-Surg.

Both colleges I attended had very helpful career counseling departments that helped with resumes and with handeling references, especially difficult ones. They had advice for jobs while I was still a student and for after graduation. They also helped me to promote myself better. Their services were free, part of the student services that came along with my tuition.

Does your school have any services like that? Maybe they can help you a bit during this rough time? Best wishes to you:kiss

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