I need your advice on dealing with people who try to treat me like I'm stupid

[zaggar]

Hello everyone. I love nursing. I love helping people get better. I love learning new things. I want to keep doing this. But I've hit a serious mental roadblock that I can't get over. I've been nursing for 8 years, and I would like to do 30 more, but there is one personality type that - seriously - might make me quit.

I have a problem with coworkers who try to browbeat me or act like they are better than me. It seems that every floor has one or two people who seem to live for no reason other than to aggravate others, and it doesn't take them long to figure out what makes my blood boil. These people tend to get me during shift change, where I've just spent the last 12 hours trying to do the best I can, just to have them sit there (and you can see their minds working) as they try to poke holes in the job I've done, or get me to admit I don't know some detail, so they can roll their eyes at me and suggest that I'm a terrible nurse - in front of others is usually best in their eyes. They aren't trying to teach me. They aren't trying to hold the floor to a high standard. They are trying to be aggravating passive/aggressive jerks who feel better about themselves by putting others down.

These nurses often have been on the same floor too long. Now they think it's "their" floor. They think they are better than everyone else. They give everyone a hard time. And generally everyone puts up with them because these people are good at acting innocent in front of the bosses, plus they are the veterans who have been there the longest, and in general they don't want to go to war with a crazy person.

How can I deal with these people without taking it to the boss. I don't want the bosses to fix this problem for me, because it really seems like it's my problem, and coworkers like these aren't going away. Sadly, I've even left good floors because of a few bad apples, only to learn there are bad apples everywhere. I'm afraid if I don't get some good advice that works, I'll be telling them to go to hell (pant pant pant), and then I'll be the one who looks like the problem child.

If any of you have overcome this hurdle, I deeply need your advice. I'm tired of spending my days off dwelling on people who are not worth my time and peace of mind.

Thanks.

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

yep, ignore it, as long as they arent threatening to have you written up for something.

Say to yourself"yeah, ..... whatever......... jerk. lol

I guess if they dont listen to the report you give 'cause they are too busy with the other BS, then that is THEIR PROBLEM.

Finish report, tell em to stop interupting, say thanks and have a good night/day.

yep, passive aggressives. fun. Not.

hold your head up.

[anotherone, BSN, RN]

I got some comments and eye rolls in the behinning and still do. I don't care. the more experienced I become, the more confident I become, the better of a job I do. Some seem to be very defensive. The key is to not give them anything to be defensive about. There are some passive aggressive nurses and aggressive ones. The ones who get talked about and a lot of eye rolls are super passive people ,leave big time messes out of laziness, poor time management or some other fault. I am not blaming the "victim" but there are two sides to a story. Are the comments really about you?!?!? I may have rolled my eyes once or twice when someone gave me report and said " pt needs so and so right now" or blood not hung. It isn't personal. I usually say ok and move on but i can understand why another nurse would find fault with that or when the previous shift can't answer simple questions on their pts. I like a good report, I am not trying to poke holes in the story, I just want a good background. or some eye rolls are at the situation. too many people take things so personally and think a non cheery voice is some sort of personal attack

tldr; sometimes it isn't about you.

[multi10]

Zaggar,

You've been a nurse for 8 years and you still love it. That's fantastic! You should be proud. It's not easy, and 12 hour shifts are so long, especially when you get that 11th hour admission.

It is especially cruel when the oncoming nurse is critical (either verbally or, more typically, non-verbally). After all, you still have to get yourself home while ruminating on that person's nastiness and snarkiness.

You said that these one or two nurses also treat the other nurses the same bad way. That means that it isn't you personally. It sounds like you're doing a really good job.

Over the years I've been friends with accountants, attorneys, engineers, nurses, musicians, teachers, wedding planners, etc. It doesn't matter: In every setting, without fail, there is "The Person": Just plain mean, competitive, burned out, not pleasant to work with.

[Innocent2021, ADN, BSN]

Firstly, I just want to say what a great post you have, zaggar! A great reminder to veterans like myself, on how we may come across to others. I applaud you for sticking with a great profession! You have been given some solid advice in this forum, of all kinds. Let me add my own "two cents". As others have said, this is their problem, not yours. Do you see that, as you stand back from the situation and look at the nurses involved, that they are the ones with the problem? I don't see any need for you to have a snappy comeback, or comment for them. You are above that. When you are giving report, don't try to come back with an answer for every question they have, or nit pick that they do. Stay on course. If you are interrupted, tell them so. I have sometimes had to tell a nurse after a few interruptions, "Let me finish, and THEN you can ask all the questions you want." 9 times out of 10, there are NO questions when you have taken control of your report. I can tell that you are a nurse who cares, and THAT quality trumps all others. Next time this happens ( AND IT WILL), take a deep breath. If you don't know the answer to a question, it is fine to say "I don't know. Maybe you'll have time to find the answer during YOUR shift." You are in control of how you feel. Don't give anyone else that power. I send my best to you. and let me say finally, that I have been guilty of the childish behavior you have outlined. I sometimes forget how I might be coming across. Thank you for your post, and thank you for all you do.

[Innocent2021, ADN, BSN]

Reminds me of back in the ol' pay phone days of giving someone a quarter and telling them to call someone who cares :) There are "mean" nurses everywhere. You either deal with them head on or find a way to not let them get under your skin. At the end of the day you don't really care what they think about you anyway.

That reminds me of the old ad where the salesman is holding is head in his hands and says to the client, "TRY TO IMAGINE HOW MUCH I CARE......"

[Innocent2021, ADN, BSN]

GREAT ADVICE TO ALL.

[sarahhayden]

Be proactive. I had this happen at a job that didn't even involve much "nursing". They had been there since the unit opened and all they did was gossip about each other and everyone else. I didn't participate, so I was labeled "smug" "inconsiderate" and "unhelpful". If you think they are bad mouthing you, take the time to set up a meeting with your boss. Let her/him know how you feel when these nurses talk to you at change of shift. You may make an enemy but you could change the environment for everyone else too. Remember, no one can steal your integrity. When you are doing a good job, it is not their role to "correct" you.

[Sunnysleeper]

Thanks for clarifying that you don't think I'm stupid. But eye-rolling etc. IS a form of bullying and emotional abuse, and I call that a form of violence. Just saying....

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

Lol- ifsomeone is eye rolling, maybe you could ask them if they have something in their eye. Or are going to have a seizure.

[DoeRN]

I run into this type of behavior all the time since I float. I'm very quiet and stoic so some people take this as weakness. When this happens to me I'll ignore the first behavior and keep giving report or whatever is going on. But if it continues I stop report and tell them that they need to pay attention so I can give them report on this patient. So when such and such happens you won't be caught off guard by not knowing what's going on with your patient. Or if they are really dishing out the charm I tell them I don't appreciate that type of behavior so please stop. Usually this will startle them and they cut it out.

Once I even walked away from this one nurse to find the charge nurse so I can give report to him because so and so nurse is refusing to take report from me. Needless to say the next time I went to that floor that particular nurse was glued to every word I said and didn't give me any lip getting report from me.

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses.com

[KRSLPN, LPN]

I've read the replies here and believe some of them are great comebacks.

From personal experiences though, I've learned that an even better way to deal with these people is to COMPLETELY IGNORE THEM. Co workers that behave this way are looking for and hoping to get some type of response from you.

If you completely ignore them, the little game they are trying to engage you in has become no longer amusing and, believe me, they will stop!

[Innocent2021, ADN, BSN]

I totally agree...the more you look at a problem, the bigger it gets!