I love a nurse

Published

Hey there,

So here's the deal. I'm not a nurse, but my wife is. I know the ED is a pretty crazy place and the one where she works is way to small for the area it serves. I am going into law enforcement, which has it's own stresses, but before I get into academy and start dealing with those changes, I want to build habits that support my wife. How do I show my wife that I understand her stressful environment and make sure that I am acknowledging her for the work she does?

In short, what I'd like to hear about is personal stories of how your husband or wife has effectively supported you in your career as an ED nurse?

Very grateful for this forum and all of you willing to lend a few words of advice.

All the best.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Have you thought about asking HER?

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Yes.

I have asked her and we have had many discussion, which were very insightful and wonderfully enriching for our relationship. The reason I asked for personal stories from people that have been successful in this area, is because I was looking for ideas that I might use when I sense that she's had an awful night at work. My question was not asked very clearly, so my apologies. My wife and I talk about the stresses we experience as much as our opposite schedules allow.

Any insight will be supplementing the conversations my wife and I regularly have.

Thanks for clarifying that.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma Surgical ICU.

Cook, clean, do the laundry without me having to ask, take out the trash. Ya know, do things around the house so it all doesn't fall on her, if you don't already!!!

Nothing better than coming home from work and my honey has the house clean. He does a pretty good job and he usually cooks dinner my first night off after working 3 in a row.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

HAHA, if I didn't know better I'd think you were my wife responding to me. That's exactly what she said when I asked her, and it made a big difference when I started doing that stuff!! It's not as intuitive as one might think... or I'm just dumber than the average person. Which is well within the scope of possibility.

Thank you for the response. I really appreciate it!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma Surgical ICU.
HAHA, if I didn't know better I'd think you were my wife responding to me. That's exactly what she said when I asked her, and it made a big difference when I started doing that stuff!! It's not as intuitive as one might think... or I'm just dumber than the average person. Which is well within the scope of possibility.

Thank you for the response. I really appreciate it!

Nope, I'm not your wife lol. I'm sitting beside my hubby right now. Trust me, it's the small things that mean the most!!! It cost you nothing to do any of the thins that I listed and trust me, she will see. The stress that is lifted off her is amazing. You guys are a team, no such thing as "women's work or men's work"!!

Lavender bubble bath with soothing scented candles are good too!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Trauma Surgical ICU.

Oh and you will get better with time[emoji6]

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Reading you loud and clear, thank you Sun0408!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ICU.

Here is what jeans the most to me and it's going to sound familiar. When I work my 13 hour shifts, I come home to a clean house, dinner taken care of, and a glass of wine waiting on me. I do after every shift. Dishes done, laundry done. I sit down with my glass of wine and bounce my day off my fiancé. He doesn't offer advice, just listens. Then I'm done with work. We eat, enjoy our night, and I get up the next day ready to go. That's how you support her.

Since I work 3 days, I make sure on my 4 off, I do the same. Dinner is ready, I go to the store, bathrooms are clean... All I ask is to tidy up on my days. I'll handle the heavy on my days off. It works and is wonderful to come home to a clean house!!! The weight of the world is gone.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Leave the thermostat set to whatever she prefers when she sleeps if she has to work night shift. That's one of my big ones, getting too hot/cold when I sleep because the rest of the house is operating on a different temperature.

Like the others said, just do your share. And don't ask her why she's in a cranky mood if she gets home 2-3 hours after her shift was supposed to be over because all hell broke loose and she had to stay over. Instead, ask, "what can I do to help you relax?" That would be WONDERFUL.

Also don't complain if she wants to spend a bazillion dollars on good shoes for work. ;) Haha.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in CMSRN, hospice.

If she wants to vent, let her vent for a bit. If she doesn't want to talk, leave room for that also. Sometimes, I just don't want to relive it.

I know for me, backrubs from my partner are everything after a crazy stretch. It's so relaxing!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I'm not a nurse yet either but I think we've all had horrible, horrible days at work (or days in general) at least once.

When she has one of those days, have the dishwasher unloaded, sink empty, and the kitchen counters cleared and wiped off. Nothing makes me happier than walking into a house with a clean kitchen, especially when I'm having a day where I don't want one more single thing on my to do list. When my environment is cluttered, my immediate impulse is to fix it or I can't relax. Yes, I'm one of those people with a hypersensitivity to chaos (at least chaos I know I can fix) and a need for order, especially in my home.

Ask HER what she wants for dinner, and offer to cook it. Let her watch her favorite show while you do, and hand her a beer or her favorite beverage. Offer to pack the leftovers into her lunchbox to take for tomorrow (if she is working again the next day) Take the weight off of her shoulders just for the night. It REALLY does wonders.

Some people like to talk about their day. Venting helps these people to unwind. Ask her if she wants to talk about anything from her day. If not, just make everything else go smoothly so she can sort her own things out in her head without having to worry about doing other things around the house.

Reciprocation is important. It is equally as fair for her to do the same for you when YOU have a bad day. Going out of your way to be extra special sweet to somebody can make all the difference in the world to that person.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment