I've been a nurse for over a year now. At first I thought it was being new that other nurses abused me. Now I know that it's because they are just ********. I am to the point of leaving nursing all together. There are a million jobs in this state and I've tried three of them in one year and its all the same. Nurses eat nurses. Why??
I love my patients truly and it's a great day when I know I've made a difference for them. So why is it that I can be on cloud 9 because I did something great for a patient and then five minutes later the other nurses have made me feel insignificant?
Once every 3 to 4 weeks where I use to work, the rotation would come up that it was all male nurses on the unit. This was the one night that I looked foward to the most. We all got along and had fun all night. But then the next night would role around and there might be me and one other guy and then it was back to same old crapp. Do woman nurses hate male nurse? Should I just quit nursing? I really dont know what to do anymore. I have tried so hard to be nice and caring not only for my patients but for co-workers also. It gets me nowhere. They always ask me to cover their shift for them on my nights off and I have every time. But, when I ask them to it for me, no one ever has. So, last night was the first time that I have ever said NO. Now that nurse wont speak to me. AAHHHHHHH!!!! What do I do?????
I hate to say this but I have had this same feeling at times (well not hate I dont hate anyone...but not very fond of...) I have wanted to be a nurse as long as I can remember and I am not going to let others push me out, I try to focus on the patients and making a difference and that is all I can do. It saddens me though that nurses can get so "catty (for lack of a better word)" with each other even on this site it is not uncommon for a nurse to post a question concern or opinion and have several other nurses jump all over them some posts are innapropriate but some are not and those who disagree turn it into a personal attack. I love everyone and I love nursing and I hope one day I can make a difference by treating my fellow nurses in the way that I think everyone should be treated....Keep your head up and keep moving forward!
I have to say that I had very hateful feelings toward a lot of the nurses I first worked with on my floor as a new grad. (I see my own post here from a while back, when I was a newer grad) They all seemed mean and unwelcoming. After 2 years now, though, I am starting to become good friends with many of them. They have seen that I just keep coming back and doing my job, no matter what they dish out to me and I think they have just basically given up! LOL. It took a while for a lot of them to get to know me, and for me to get to know them. Sometimes it takes time.
Nurses are stressed TO THE MAX. They are overworked and a lot of them just tired. A lot of them are just trying to get through that shift. I don't know the answer. It's a very tough profession, and then you also deal with smart alecked admin folks and techs.
I feel myself I have developed sort of a joking, non-serious clown type personality on the floor. If they hassle me, they know I'll just say something joking right back. I don't play into the nastiness and even get some laughs back at times. Over time they realize I'm comfortable with myself and not afraid of them. And, I've also deepened my relationships with the really GOOD nurses, which has been the reward of sticking it out.
Just stick it out, until you get so tired like me that you're ready to go part time! (which is where I am -- just SO exhausted from doing 3 days a week.). Just ignore the nasties -- they really can't do anything to you if your'e doing a good job and handling your load well.
The people who are not being nice to the OP are probably just as miserable as he is. When a group of people are unhappy and feeling powerless to change their situation, they start being mean to each other. That is one of the root causes of horizontal violence.
So now ... the OP is miserable and he is being mean to his coworkers -- blaming them for everything instead of seeing their behavior as a symptom of their own misery. It's a form of "blaming the victim" and ...
That's how it spreads.
There is no need to always say "yes" to every request from a coworker to trade scheduled shifts. The OP set himself up as a doormat by not establishing reasonable expectations to begin with. He didn't set appropriate boundaries between his work life and his personal life. etc. But it is easier to simply to call them ******** than to deal with the true complexities of the situation.
OK ... So now one nurse is ticked off becuase the OP suddenly "changed the rules" of the relationship by suddenly saying no to a request for a schedule change. He needs to "man up" and deal with his coworker. He may want to explain that he has been getting burned out because he has been saying "yes" too many times. He may simply say he had other obligations and wasn't available. He may choose to say, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you this time." Then the OP needs to let it go and let his co-worker have a little time to get over her disappointment.
If you like doing the work of nursing don't let the fact that one co-worker s unhappy at the moment (or that ALL of your co-workers are unhappy) determine your career path or choice of a profession. Don't give them that much power over you.
He did set a boundary when he told that particular nurse No! Blame the victim...(that's almost like saying a woman got raped b/c she put herself in that situation)
The truth of the matter is it's not only easier to call them *******, it rightfully describes them. Sorry if you or one of your colleagues fit in to that particular category for having done that to another nurse who values team-playing like the OP. Many people just need to grow up & be empathetic. No means No! (just like in rape situations).
Just try a different area of nursing or a different hospital. It won't erase 100% but I don't think the whole profession in every area is like this...well lets pray for my sake to keep my license b/c I don't have a problem callin qbody on a job what you jus described these bullies to be. Super *******.
I recommend that you work your butt off, learn as much as you can, and when you begin to feel that they are truly against you or trying to sabotage you, cut your losses and change to another job.
At your next job, you'll be a lighter shade of green, attract less "witchcraft", and have more room to grow because of the clean slate you will have as a starting point. Your first job is where you get typecast as an idiot and it's best to sever that completely and start somewhere else where you will be seen as a novice nurse instead of a greenie. What most nurses do not realize is that they shouldn't give up on the greenie. Instead, they treat that person as a hopeless case who is not worth teaching or mentoring, and begin to neglect them. Get out of there or you'll be left to the vultures.
You'll also start your second job with a few new lessons that you probably haven't learned at your first job. The first is, don't talk about your personal or even professional life with others. There are always a few who will be jealous of anything you talk about. If you are happily married, it can count against you. If you drive a Lexus, someone will hate you for that, etc. They won't tell you that, you may see the snively look on their face as they hear you say it. Then they'll start with the backbiting, and suddenly people aren't mentoring you anymore. You'll get the famous "silent treatment" (antithetical to teamwork) where you try to inform or endorse and all you get is a grunt or a nod (and are then unsure if each message was actually received, if you have to take the time to clarify each and every message as if there is time for that), poor reports at shift change, and other disrespectful behavior. In this second job, you'll last twice as long as you lasted in your new grad job before "the Curse" makes itself felt. That's when it's time to start your third job as a regular professional nurse. And that's when you'll generally be treated as a professional.
Just don't leave one job until you have another job. You may have to work two jobs for 2 weeks in transition, nonstop without a break. But it will be worth it.
Go apply. You'll be surprised how hiring managers respond to your resume now that you have a little experience. It's not even in the same ballpark compared to being a new grad.
Be one of the exceptions where you are. :) Be an example. It's not your "job", but it can be a sort of side mission to not be like the ones who have made things hard for you. YOU care- nursing needs you
And, at the same time, only you know how much this is affecting you. But there are also different types of nursing to check out before taking off altogether :)
This thread was started in late 2009, so I'm guessing the OP's found a solution. I hope it wasn't leaving nursing, but he's no longer active on AN so he's not reading any advice posted in 2011.
jtmonique
110 Posts
I hate to say this but I have had this same feeling at times (well not hate I dont hate anyone...but not very fond of...) I have wanted to be a nurse as long as I can remember and I am not going to let others push me out, I try to focus on the patients and making a difference and that is all I can do. It saddens me though that nurses can get so "catty (for lack of a better word)" with each other even on this site it is not uncommon for a nurse to post a question concern or opinion and have several other nurses jump all over them some posts are innapropriate but some are not and those who disagree turn it into a personal attack. I love everyone and I love nursing and I hope one day I can make a difference by treating my fellow nurses in the way that I think everyone should be treated....Keep your head up and keep moving forward!