I'm about to graduate nursing school in just a few weeks. I'm in my senior practicum and i honestly hate it. Like despise it. I've done pretty decent in school, i'm a low A student, i've basically made it through. But i've been dealing with these thoughts for a while, and i really don't like nursing. Before this quarter i had a revelation that i REALLY didn't want to be a nurse.
I've spent 3 years trying to get into nursing school and here i am literally almost finished and i'm crying because i have a shift tomorrow at my capstone placement and i am trying so hard to force myself to even go. It's not like it's even terrible, my preceptor seems like she's nice, other nurses have been friendly enough.
But I feel like an idiot, i'm barely able to draw up meds, my hands shake, i'm super awkward i can't really talk to patients, i don't know anything. And i'm freaking out cuz i've just put myself in massive debt to get a degree that i will hate. I have 12 more 12hr shifts/days i need to complete and i'm scared i'm going to end up quitting. my preceptor was talking about a previous student she had that was so lazy and couldn't do anything, and i'm terrified that i'll be the most recent version of that.
I've never felt this way during my other clinicals, sure there were times i didn't want to go, but it was never because i hated nursing. I don't know why i hate this capstone clinical so much. I'm thinking it may be because i'm alone here, there's no other students and friends with me. I don't know what to do with myself, i'm a really awkward and introverted person, and i hate talking on the phone which you do a lot as a nurse. Everyone else is so confident and knows what to do, and i'm that idiot nursing student who can't draw up meds correctly.
So what do i do?
i'm so sorry for my rambling, but i need some sort of advice from anyone. I definitely will finish nursing school, but how can i make my capstone more enjoyable? How do i make myself more comfortable in the role of a nurse? What type of job should i apply for after school is over?
OP, I logged on to AN today to sniff around for people who have ever considered RN to PA-school because I'm feeling the same dread. I''ve just come off a horrendous few days of THE MOST whack-a-doodle ED pts (4 pt restraints back-to-back-to-back-to...., hours and hours long waits with needy pts asking every 5 seconds this or that question, pts who want to know why they can't just live at the hospital... Like I literally am so good at service with a smile and BOY! So when I saw the PAs actually dealing with legit problems I was so envious. It's not just like I saw it over a few days either. I can draw on planty of experience of what I've seen PAs do. When I considered PA school a month ago I thought no way would I go back to school unless it was grad school for nursing. I'm almost done with school but now I don't know. I helped (held a person still) while a PA stitched a gnarly lac over the weeekend (basically they impaled themsleved while ETOH). PA stitched and left. I'm the bozo who got to do the pt care. That's why love nursing but also why it could burn me out too. I'm totally venting but my point is to say amen, sister or brother! And also, it's super important to have a strong team around you. That's what's great about being an employee. As a student, you don't have that. When I'm at work/work, I have that, depending on the team. But as a student, I'm the transient so there's no time to build relationships, trust or bonds. As for the skills, someone said practice. Do that. Get your hands used to doing those movements so you can focus on the bigger picture like WHAT med and WHY are are you giving it.
I don't know if this'll help you at all, but in terms of awkwardness and low confidence just remember that nobody remembers things that you do. You might feel like you've completely made a fool out of yourself in a patient's room but chances are (especially in this setting) they have far too much on their mind to even notice and certainly won't recall it. And, they're going to leave :) so maybe reminding yourself that it's your own worries causing you distress about being awkward and probably not anyone else's reaction to it might help. I've said things that make me cringe now to remember, but they were never important to anyone except me.
I am a person that suffers from social anxiety, and had a similar experience, with my CNA course when it came to dealing with patients . Day before, class take a deep breath accept your fears , such as drawing up the medicine and that you don't think your good at it. But say I know I may not be good such and such ,but I will try my best to learn from my teachers even though I'm afraid . You need to learn to ride with your fear or work with it ,and accept it; Stop fighting it. You can become a great nurse and nurses always work under press and have to learn to ride with it ,this will be a great lesson for you. I think after a while, you will no longer have fears in the future. Remember you are still learning, so don't be so hard on yourself like the others said, take time to practice. I myself was bad with patients, now I'm the type of CNA that can be placed with any type of person ,and people say I bring a positive attitude. If I can do it with social anxiety so can you it just takes time.
I know I may not be a nursing student yet or a nurse but I hope this helps.
I almost quit two weeks before graduation. I was fed up with my clinical instructors, some stuff went down, and I was threatened with getting kicked out of the program. I was able to salvage my placement in the program, but I still wanted to quit. My classmates encouraged me to stick with it. I did and I graduated. (We lost four classmates in the last week before graduation, by the way.)
You can do it. You're almost done. Take one day at a time. Think of each clinical day as a performance (if you're into that sort of thing -- I am!) I would pretend that I was an actress in a play and my performance was for the patients and clinical instructors.
Stop with the negative self-talk. Relax. You are not expected to be perfect, but you are expected to know some basics. If you're having trouble with some of the basics, I encourage you to make use of your clinical lab (if you have one) and practice practice practice. I had a lot of problems priming tubing, for example. I went to our lab and practiced over and over.
Pucker your butt, and just get it done. You're almost there! You CAN do it!
-From someone who is now a nurse who never wanted to be a nurse, and now I'm SO happy that I'm a nurse.
This is awesome to hear because I'm starting school next week! Do I have your permission to show my teachers your quote?
It's true. I graduated a couple months ago, started my job as a nurse, and immediately realized that nursing school hadn't prepared me at all for any of this. I mean, the only good it did was providing me with a very basic understanding of some of the most common disease processes - I've learned more about nursing, pathophysiology, medications, procedures, etc. in two months of work than I learned in two years of nursing school. For real.
As everyone else has already mentioned- you are NOT alone! Nursing school is tough. Clinicals and class are a full time job that pays $0/hour. Once you are out working on your own, and in a specialty that you are actually interested in, your feelings may take an 180 degree turn! Give it a chance :)
Something I have ALWAYS tried reminding myself: Every single patient who comes to see you is scared, nervous, anxious and fearful of the worst -- every emotion you (and me) feel or have felt sometime in our career. Because they feel this way, they are so dependent on US to be the strong ones! We HAVE to put on a brave face for them; we owe it to our patients to be their rock.
Don't give up honey. You've made it further than so many people wish they could. Be proud of yourself. Go get some experience and hey, you can always try out a telecommute RN job!
babychickens
79 Posts
OP, I logged on to AN today to sniff around for people who have ever considered RN to PA-school because I'm feeling the same dread. I''ve just come off a horrendous few days of THE MOST whack-a-doodle ED pts (4 pt restraints back-to-back-to-back-to...., hours and hours long waits with needy pts asking every 5 seconds this or that question, pts who want to know why they can't just live at the hospital... Like I literally am so good at service with a smile and BOY! So when I saw the PAs actually dealing with legit problems I was so envious. It's not just like I saw it over a few days either. I can draw on planty of experience of what I've seen PAs do. When I considered PA school a month ago I thought no way would I go back to school unless it was grad school for nursing. I'm almost done with school but now I don't know. I helped (held a person still) while a PA stitched a gnarly lac over the weeekend (basically they impaled themsleved while ETOH). PA stitched and left. I'm the bozo who got to do the pt care. That's why love nursing but also why it could burn me out too. I'm totally venting but my point is to say amen, sister or brother! And also, it's super important to have a strong team around you. That's what's great about being an employee. As a student, you don't have that. When I'm at work/work, I have that, depending on the team. But as a student, I'm the transient so there's no time to build relationships, trust or bonds. As for the skills, someone said practice. Do that. Get your hands used to doing those movements so you can focus on the bigger picture like WHAT med and WHY are are you giving it.