I feel worse than when I started

Nurses New Nurse

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I graduated in May as an RN and started my first job in July. This was on the unit I had my last clinical experience for nursing school, and (then) I REALLY liked the place. Its a stepdown surgical unit and the staff all seemed to work together well and be happy. The NM approached me and offered me (and one other student) a position while still in school. The first 2 months of orientation were relatively fine except for a "less than motivated" preceptor, which I believed I compensated for by seeking experiences and help from other staff members.

Then we got a new, evil NM. She cut my orientation short by a couple of weeks and refused to honor certain benefits the prior NM had offered (scheduled days, certain shift differentials). She completely blew me off and devalued me when I went to talk to her about it. I did feel new but confident and valuable to the unit; then she berated me, insinuated that I (with new grads in general) was incompetent and let me know just how little value I was worth. I was crushed. And things haven't been great since. I finished what was left of my orientation more unsure of myself than when I started. I know that I am an intelligent and competent person and there are many things I need to learn, and I've always asked for advice or help when I need to, but I feel like I make more mistakes now than ever. Nothing too serious, but lots of little things. I've been off orientation for about 4 weeks and wonder what the h**l am I doing. The staff and CNS seemed so helpful before, always "Ask us for help, we're here for you even after orientation" now I'm on my own and the help isn't there. I get blank stares and underhanded comments. I feel like everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I'm wondering if I made a huge mistake becoming a nurse, am I doing the right thing? Will I ever get it? Will I hurt someone? I've always been a very easygoing individual and have coped with stress well. Now I constantly have a low grade anxiety that I can't turn off. I haven't slept solidly in weeks, always waking up to: I should have done this, I forgot to say that, I forgot to chart this, ...is this patient going to be OK? Did I miss something? One thought will trigger a barage of anxiety I can't turn off at home. I'm getting very sad that I feel so bad about my new career so soon. My friends and family are there for me and tell me to stick it out, it will get better. But I feel like I'm getting worse. Has anyone else felt like this? Did you make it? Can you describe when things started to turn around? Will the anxiety ever end? Any advice? :crying2:

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I hear you from a million miles away. I am currently dealing with those same feelings right now as a new nurse. The advice from others here was to seek out help. I met with my PCP and am in the process of looking for a counselor to speak with. Hang in there with me. If things really don't improve after seeking out help or starting a medication regimen, whatever you or your PCP may decide, it may be time to look for a new job.

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I had to increase my anxiety meds because I am dealing with the same thing. I am at the lowest point in my life right now. :crying2:

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It is always sad to hear these sorts of stories. Everybody starts out their nursing career as a NEW NURSE, green and inexperienced. There should be much better support from colleagues and management. You get a good general background in nursing school but nursing school isn't the real world and there is so much to learn once you start working on the floor with your very own patient load.

Anxiety is okay and normal but not when it takes over your life. I think your biggest issue is lack of support from the higher-ups. Your anxiety might decrease dramatically if you had somebody telling you what you are doing right and how you are improving everyday. Somebody to boost your confidence and believe in you. You are bound to make mistakes and constructive criticism should be welcomed but it sounds like you are just getting plain criticism without anything constructive about it. You should not be berated for being new and not "knowing it all" yet. Nursing is a job unlike any other. There is a steep learning curve and it just takes time and experience to get through that.

Is there any way you could transfer to another unit, one where you might be welcomed and made to feel comfortable as a new nurse? I'd put your feelers out and see what else might be out there for you. I hope things get better soon.

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Specializes in LTC, case mgmt, agency.
I had to increase my anxiety meds because I am dealing with the same thing. I am at the lowest point in my life right now. :crying2:

Ditto here. I actually did quit my job though. Looking for something else somewhere else. Maybe LTC or hospice? :(

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

New nurses need support. It doesn't sound like your current workplace fosters a supportive environment. Have you considered checking into other units? Are you still in touch with any of your classmates? You could check in with them and see how things are going. Maybe there is a more supportive work environment for you elsewhere.

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I am feeling the same way. I just started on a cardiac floor and am a new nurse. I am so stressed out. i cant sleep well and am always thinking if i forgot to do something. I wanted to be a nurse so badly and now i feel as thought maybe i made a mistake and cannot handle this. i hope this goes away soon because i dont know how much stress i can handle.:uhoh21:

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I so hear you and can totally relate. I quit my job after less than 5 months. I always tried to convince myself to stick with it and just reach at least a year. But I've been contemplating, and just can't do it any longer. So I quit. I still question if I made the right decision, but hopefully I'll find a new job and will light up the nurse in me again.. I don't know..

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Specializes in ER, Cardiac Tele/ICU Stepdown.

I am in the same boat as the rest of you. Graduated in May and began working on a cardiac intermediate care unit in june. Being a new nurse is so tough, I feel like I am always screwing something up or forgetting something. I have anxiety before I go to work that keeps me from sleeping well. I get home at night and keep thinking about what I did that day at work, trying to figure out if I could have done something better, or feeling like I forgot something. It's hard to just leave work at work, and relax. I can't wait until this feeling goes away, because I really don't know if I will be able to "stick it out" much longer if things don't start to look up!

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Specializes in LTC, case mgmt, agency.
I so hear you and can totally relate. I quit my job after less than 5 months. I always tried to convince myself to stick with it and just reach at least a year. But I've been contemplating, and just can't do it any longer. So I quit. I still question if I made the right decision, but hopefully I'll find a new job and will light up the nurse in me again.. I don't know..

I did the same thing and went to LTC. I still get " skills " like I was using on med-surg but at a " more relaxed " pace. ( it is not always relaxed ) I am working 2 LTC facilities and get to work with wound vacs, trachs, vents, TPN, etc. And I also do agency work too but only do home care through them per diem. I still feel I am getting experiences and as long as you do well and get references you should still be able to get back into med-surg later if you want to. We actually had a RN at the hospital I used to work at, who had done LTC for 15 years and had no med-surg experience, but she had great letters of reference so she was hired and did great. Sorry for the long response.

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I did the same thing and went to LTC. I still get " skills " like I was using on med-surg but at a " more relaxed " pace. ( it is not always relaxed ) I am working 2 LTC facilities and get to work with wound vacs, trachs, vents, TPN, etc. And I also do agency work too but only do home care through them per diem. I still feel I am getting experiences and as long as you do well and get references you should still be able to get back into med-surg later if you want to. We actually had a RN at the hospital I used to work at, who had done LTC for 15 years and had no med-surg experience, but she had great letters of reference so she was hired and did great. Sorry for the long response.

Great to know that! I guess there's NO one straight way in Nursing.. med/surg may truly not be for everyone. I'm glad that you sound happy with your new position :) thanks for the input! I really appreciate it, and happy too that when you left your previous position, you did find a better place for you..

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Neuroscience, Home Health Care.

My 2 cents:

You've all worked VERY hard for your degrees. Now that you have them and your RN license, you have the autonomy to take those two things and look for another job. Perhaps you should. No one should ever put up with verbal/emotional abuse in the workplace. Abuse is in many forms. It's not always blatant, and it can include the blank stares, being ignored, or as obvious as being flat out told you aren't valuable to the workplace. There is a place out there for all of you where you'll be, at the least, RESPECTED. I can handle a crabby boss, as long as they respect me. If that's missing, I won't continue working for such a person. Don't leave on bad terms, just quietly look for another job and put in notice once you find one. I know it's not always easy to just pick up and leave somewhere, especially if you have a family that counts on you having uninterrupted income/benefits. But it is worth it if you feel sick and depressed about your job every single day.

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