I feel SO stupid (CNA)

[TurtleCat]

Hey... I wanted to make a post here and I'm hoping you guys won't be too judgmental. I already feel stupid enough and have berated myself, telling me what an idiot I am won't help any (except making me feel even worse.) Anyway, here's my problem:

I have finished my CNA class, clinicals, and am supposedly on my way to becoming certified. My test results have been sent into the state and I am just waiting on the results. I loved my clinicals and I really want to work as a CNA ASAP, here is my only problem. I am scared to death of making some careless, stupid mistake, and either being fired or hurting a resident.

See, right now, I am working a fast food job... and my mom is sick and just got out of the hospital. I plan to see her for Thanksgiving, since she's been sick, and after I get back, start applying for CNA jobs. But I just keep thinking, what if I make some stupid mistake and hurt a resident in the process. Like if some resident fell and injured themselves, or otherwise hurt themselves because of me... I don't think I'd ever get over it, I'd feel so guilty. Like people keep telling me, they don't think I should stay just a CNA, they think I should go on to RN school... but man, I can hardly handle the stress of being a CNA... I think all the stress, liability and responsibility that comes with being an RN would literally kill me. As an RN, you LITERALLY have lives in your hands.

See, here's the thing: when I was working in the nursing home during my clinicals, I did some things that were pretty stupid and absentminded. I hate to even admit them, but here's a few examples.

-- After we'd changed a resident, I was carrying the dirty pads and linen in the hallway cause I wasn't sure where to put them, no one had told me where. The nurse had to tell me that I shouldn't be carrying them in the hallway, and where to put them in the next time. (Usually, the aides put out a barrel by the resident's door to put everything in, but they hadn't this time.) I just felt stupid cause I felt like I should have already known this based on the infection control practices we learned in our class. Just in the real-life setting, we weren't told where to put them so I wasn't sure.

-- At one point, we were putting a resident to bed, and the aide went to check on something in another room real quick and asked me to help set him up. I'd started setting up the lift and everything, etc. I hadn't moved him or anything, just started setting it up, and when she came back in, she mentioned that I hadn't locked his wheelchair wheels and I should always make sure to do that. I felt real stupid for that too I mean, sure, in clinicals, it wasn't THAT big a deal cause I had the aide and others to supervise me and correct my mistakes, but what about in the real world? In the real world setting, if I'd been given a job and was actually working, and forgot to lock a resident's wheelchair wheels while lifting him, there could've been a nasty fall and he would've been injured. I would have hated myself forever if that would've happened.

All this just makes me scared and makes me wonder if this job is really for me, if I should continue to seek out a job after I get certified. I mean, I did somehow manage to pass the clinicals, and people I worked with, including one of the aides I worked with, said I did a pretty good job... but I wonder if they were just saying that to be nice. Like I said, I'm just mainly scared of hurting a resident. I loved my residents, even just from a few days of doing my clinicals in the nursing home, and I want to do my best by them always -- even the thought of something hurting them breaks me. I know my heart is in the right place, I just worry if my brain is too, that I'll accidentally do something absent-minded or scatterbrained that'd hurt them.

I really want to pursue a CNA job after I get back from seeing my mom, I guess I just want some advice, without too much harsh judgment or words (although if I deserve it, I understand.) Thanks in advance. I am just trying to figure out if this is something I should pursue or not.

[TurtleCat]

It just makes me worry sick, like for example, the not locking a wheelchair's wheel example. I mean, like I think about my mom and when was sick in the hospital, unable to do anything for herself... what if that was HER caregiver that didn't know how to do everything, and forgot to lock the wheels, and she got seriously injured as a result??? I would probably be mad at that caregiver... and think *** was she thinking or doing... I try to view every resident as if they were my own family member, and someone I cared about (well, I already care about them, but you know what I mean... someone I knew personally ) I just never want to hurt someone like that, I am worried sick.

I love my residents, and want to do everything possible for them. I imagine myself, or my loved ones, in that situation. I just never want to hurt anyone. That's all.

[Staragate, ADN, ASN, RN]

You'll be fine! The fact that you care makes all the difference. There are a lot of things you learn in class and it's hard to remember them all in the job. Sounds like you are doing great. Where I work, half the brakes on the chairs don't even work anyway! You will build the habits you need to learn really quick. Since these things are bugging you, you are thinking about it and probably won't happen again. It's all about habits. Remember, it's better to be slow and cautios then fast and sloppy. Speed comes with time.

Some tips:

Carry these things in your pocket:

Trash bags

Hand sanitizer

gloves (in the Alz unit, the gloves are locked away and I keep a whole box worth in my pocket

keys

Before you leave the room:

Bed down

Alarms on

oxygen applied

trash/linen bagged

patient position

WASH HANDS/SANITIZE

If there is a particular task you don't think you can handle, grab another CNA or RN. Better to be safe.

Good luck!

[shannon96]

I think you'll do just fine, everyone makes mistakes :) plus you're still learning, your nerves are just getting to you, you'll get to where you wanna be soon, everything takes time and practice, just keep your head up!! :)

[loriangel14, RN]

You are being WAY to hard on yourself.You are still getting the hang of things. Soon things like throwing the brakes on a wheelchair before you do anything will become second nature to you.Worrying about not hurting someone is a good thing. It means you will be vigilant and try to be a ssafe as you can.Worrying and being aware is much better than being careless and oblivious.

Relax and cut yourself some slack.You will be fine.

[FurBabyMom, MSN, RN]

It's very good you have the ability to self-evaluate. It can be a bad thing, I've been working as an RN for over a year now and sometimes I'm way too hard on myself (worked as an assistant/CNA for over a year in nursing school - did it then too). I recognize that. My plan for handling my problem is just what you've done. I look at the situation, find ways to fix and keep it from happening again, and I move on. Sometimes though, it's easiest to learn by making mistakes - the lessons stick longer. It's like you said with the wheelchair locking example - something could have happened, but it didn't. So you carry your lesson around allowing that knowledge to make you a better person/caregiver and move on.

After you have some time working as a CNA you'll get used to it, it won't seem so 'big' a responsibility. It happens with nursing too. It's always a big responsibility though. It's just, you get to a place where it feels manageable. You get into a routine, get to know your docs, get to know your coworkers, and learn when you're getting to a point where you need a bit of help. You learn (in acute care) when to call for your charge/experienced coworkers and/or call to rapid response a patient. Taking care of patients for 12 or so hours at a time, you learn what they're 'like' and can pick up on small changes before they become huge problems and can intervene as appropriate. You learn what things are critically important, and what things are important but can be put off a little while if something bigger comes up.

[nictheonedaynurse]

I wouldn't worry about it. I recently took my clinicals as well and I made a couple mistakes too. I had a really messy peri care and I forgot to get an incontinence pad before we started and I ended up kinda making a mess on his top comforter, so I also had to change that while the resident was still in the bed. Also we were doing BP readings on each other and I totally goofed on mine and did an awful reading. But that was about 2 weeks ago and since then all of my skills have improved, especially BP because I can actually hands on practice that skill at home. I take my state exam next month and like you I am very nervous. But from what I have heard from others and seen for myself going clinical is that it is all about taking the time to think every step of the skill out before doing it and to have a plan with all supplies before you start anything. During your test just take a breather and make sure you go through all the steps in your head before you start. Good luck!

[samantha198823]

Don't worry just calm down! It takes some time to get into the routine of being a cna just make sure u ask questions if your not quite sure. Every resident is different and every resident care is different . Also when u start your first cna job by law they have to let you shadow another cna for at least 10 days, that's your chance to ask as many questions as possible even if u think the question is silly, you'll be fine don't worry

[Sadala, ADN, RN]

A lot of those things are either things you didn't know or had't really practiced yet. I personally carried dirty linens into the hallway (and up close to my waist to boot, thus contaminating my uniform above the waist) the first day of clinicals. I felt stupid even though I hadn't been instructed about that. Now I carry a box of gloves and several garbage bags into the room the first time I go in for the day. I carry hand sanitizer in my pocket because the facility I'm in runs out frequently.

I try to run into the nursing lab and practice things like drawing the curtain for privacy, locking the wheels on the bed (we don't have a wheelchair) and things of this nature, just to gain some body memory.

I can relate to your concern about inadvertently harming a patient, but at least you CARE. The mechanics will come with practice. The caring has to be there already.

[FaithGurl93]

That's how I felt when I first started my job as a CNA last week. Idk if you would do the same things because I work in a hospital. But they have me with a preceptor to show me the things a CNA does so I'm in my training period right now and I'm asking all the questions I can to make sure I know what I'm doing once I get on my own. It's not as hard as I thought, and you can do it! You made it through your classes and you passed your CNA exam so don't sweat it. The moment you start doubting yourself is when you mess up. And if you don't remember how to do something ASK

[nguyency77, CNA]

Hi TurtleCat!

First off... Breathe. Don't be so hard on yourself.

It's wonderful that you are becoming a CNA because you care. You're still learning and it's normal to be making mistakes. Thank you for caring about safety. Now you know that wheelchairs have to be locked and that different facilities have different rules for waste disposal. :)

[sjbrk]

Ok. Take a big deep breath. These are mistakes that everyone makes right out of the gate. I failed my first test because I forgot to put shoes on my (pretend) resident before ambulation. Wanna know something? I have never forgotten to put shoes on anyone, ever again. That you care about making mistakes is why you will be a decent aide. We are not perfect, we will mess up. But most aide work just comes from knowing the routine of the facility/residents. You will be fine.