I feel SO stupid (CNA)

[TurtleCat]

Hey... I wanted to make a post here and I'm hoping you guys won't be too judgmental. I already feel stupid enough and have berated myself, telling me what an idiot I am won't help any (except making me feel even worse.) Anyway, here's my problem:

I have finished my CNA class, clinicals, and am supposedly on my way to becoming certified. My test results have been sent into the state and I am just waiting on the results. I loved my clinicals and I really want to work as a CNA ASAP, here is my only problem. I am scared to death of making some careless, stupid mistake, and either being fired or hurting a resident.

See, right now, I am working a fast food job... and my mom is sick and just got out of the hospital. I plan to see her for Thanksgiving, since she's been sick, and after I get back, start applying for CNA jobs. But I just keep thinking, what if I make some stupid mistake and hurt a resident in the process. Like if some resident fell and injured themselves, or otherwise hurt themselves because of me... I don't think I'd ever get over it, I'd feel so guilty. Like people keep telling me, they don't think I should stay just a CNA, they think I should go on to RN school... but man, I can hardly handle the stress of being a CNA... I think all the stress, liability and responsibility that comes with being an RN would literally kill me. As an RN, you LITERALLY have lives in your hands.

See, here's the thing: when I was working in the nursing home during my clinicals, I did some things that were pretty stupid and absentminded. I hate to even admit them, but here's a few examples.

-- After we'd changed a resident, I was carrying the dirty pads and linen in the hallway cause I wasn't sure where to put them, no one had told me where. The nurse had to tell me that I shouldn't be carrying them in the hallway, and where to put them in the next time. (Usually, the aides put out a barrel by the resident's door to put everything in, but they hadn't this time.) I just felt stupid cause I felt like I should have already known this based on the infection control practices we learned in our class. Just in the real-life setting, we weren't told where to put them so I wasn't sure.

-- At one point, we were putting a resident to bed, and the aide went to check on something in another room real quick and asked me to help set him up. I'd started setting up the lift and everything, etc. I hadn't moved him or anything, just started setting it up, and when she came back in, she mentioned that I hadn't locked his wheelchair wheels and I should always make sure to do that. I felt real stupid for that too I mean, sure, in clinicals, it wasn't THAT big a deal cause I had the aide and others to supervise me and correct my mistakes, but what about in the real world? In the real world setting, if I'd been given a job and was actually working, and forgot to lock a resident's wheelchair wheels while lifting him, there could've been a nasty fall and he would've been injured. I would have hated myself forever if that would've happened.

All this just makes me scared and makes me wonder if this job is really for me, if I should continue to seek out a job after I get certified. I mean, I did somehow manage to pass the clinicals, and people I worked with, including one of the aides I worked with, said I did a pretty good job... but I wonder if they were just saying that to be nice. Like I said, I'm just mainly scared of hurting a resident. I loved my residents, even just from a few days of doing my clinicals in the nursing home, and I want to do my best by them always -- even the thought of something hurting them breaks me. I know my heart is in the right place, I just worry if my brain is too, that I'll accidentally do something absent-minded or scatterbrained that'd hurt them.

I really want to pursue a CNA job after I get back from seeing my mom, I guess I just want some advice, without too much harsh judgment or words (although if I deserve it, I understand.) Thanks in advance. I am just trying to figure out if this is something I should pursue or not.

[givemeu1]

Calm down and take a deep breath for a moment and think back on why you wanted to pursue a career in health care. If you didn't think you could do it, you would've never applied and accomplished the goal of becoming one of the most important parts of the medical circle. Caring is a big part of the medical field and it shows that you have the mind set of a person that really is cut out for a job in health care. All of us get scared of the what-ifs, but we work through them and eventually get comfortable in our positions; it becomes second nature. Don't be so hard on yourself. Mistakes are made, but we learn from them. The clinical experience is the learning experience. I hope that a couple mistakes don't deter you from being a wonderful CNA to many residents that need that extra TLC from someone like you. I'm sure you'll do great!!! Kudos for passing state boards and prayers for your mom.

[Paws2people]

Look at it this way, you'll never forget to lock the wheelchair (or bed for that matter) again. Now you'll be more careful about infection control. It's all a learning experience. That's what clinicals are for. You'll be fine :) The fact that you care so much puts you ahead of half the people out there already.

[TurtleCat]

Hi, I just wanted to reply and thank you guys for all your replies... You really did help me feel better. :) Sometimes all it takes is a little bit of venting and reassurance that you're being too hard on yourself.

Like I said, now I am just waiting to receive my certification and I plan to start job-hunting ASAP when I get it. Will post how that goes :)

[crichards00]

The biggest mistake you can make it believing that you won't make mistakes. They happen, and they are rarely serious.

[keeponkeepinon]

I'm in my first semester of nursing and I had dirty linens in the hall at clinical. A fellow RN student (also CNA) gently reminded me to never ever do that and I appreciated it so much. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, you're in foreign territory doing something brand new and you can't be perfect right away. Everyone makes mistakes. That's how we learn. You seem very conscientious and that's what counts. It sounds like you are working to improve very quickly! :) Please don't fret. You are doing great.

[IHeartNursing321]

You will be fine!! My first home care case was a bath visit. The lady I was taking care of was paralyzed from the waist down so I had to put her into a shower chair. Well, The shower chair did not have locks so as I was transferring her from the toilet to the shower chair, the shower chair slipped from right under her! The poor woman was holding onto me for dear life but I eventually pushed the chair against the bathtub with my foot and placed her onto it. That experience was an eye opener to me. I now make it a habit to ask myself, "Will the patient's safety be at risk" before I transfer them. Look at the environment to see if anything would be a potential hazard. You learn something new everyday!!

[melbear]

Hi I feel too stupid and incompetent to be a nurse I have a memory and retain information problem, lol it took me 3 times to get the clinical procedures correct...slower then others in my class I feel ashamed of it. I did manage to do very fairly well and score average-good scores in my theory. Im worried my learning difficulties will affect me to do well in my clinical placement....should I continue?