I feel like I'm being singled out VENT

[Dr.Nurse2b]

I am knee deep in nursing school currently working on assessments. The fall semester has just begun and I find myself being reprimanded by a professor and then counseled by the dean. Nice job…right?

I often tell my friends “I’m just happy to be here” and with good reason. I fought for my spot in nursing school….every step of the way and sometimes against the recommendations of counselors. I was determined to get in…my last move involved dropping into Med Mirco mid semester. I was told by my counselor that I would never make it…I was given the chance and was told “Catch up” and I did…I earned an “A”. I have pulled of 20 credit semesters without a hitch and this fall happens to be yet another 20 credit run.

“Over achiever” is something I hear often but the fact is I am not one…I work hard and even when I want to cry I stand up straight and bite my lip. Well apparently the faculty sees this behavior as being “Cocky, and arrogant.” I was told this by the dean…I am perceived as one who “speaks as if he knows more then he really does” and “thinks nursing school is easy”…this is not the opinion of the dean however. I have a 3.9 GPA, made dean scholar the past two semesters and also work at the hospital. “Easy” has never been considered when it comes to nursing school. To complete the picture I was elected class president and I am politically involved with nursing…

So what is this “over achiever” whining about? I have sensed “something” these past few semesters…tension, animosity…something just barley palpable. The nursing staff just seems to be dry, sarcastic and almost condescending toward me. I answer questions in class and I am ignored, professors are near explosive with me when I ask them questions…but something else…

I turn in an assignment that is found to be unacceptable, unprofessional…and it requires the attention of the dean. I wrote a pain assessment citing “no pain”. OK…so I will take that one, I am a student after all. But the other assessments are found to be just fine as per the dean of nursing…”I don’t see any problem with this”. However the instructor provided a laundry list of inequities. My instructions from the dean…”Grovel. Do what you have to do…” ??

Now all the past comes to mind…some time ago I was written up and sent home for coming to class with sandals on. It was supposed to be a class day that somehow turned into a lab day for which I was “unprepared”….”School Policy” I am told. Well school policy also states “No butts, no boobs and no backs” in class and yet all the busty girly girls are permitted to come to class in boob hangers and daisy duke shorts…the list goes on. The dean tells me “I’ve seen this before with other male students”

So for the first time in history I am thinking about quitting. I had no idea this would turn out this way…I thought college meant you work your butt off and earn the best grade you can. I’m at the top of my class and have earned the respect of my classmates and yet I feel as if I don’t belong. I have worked for many years in healthcare and my experience is not even considered a factor here let alone my grades. I’ve been reduced to…to feeling like everyone has been lying to me…like my work is unappreciated and that THIS is all a lie.

It seems these professors feel a student needs to nail themselves to a cross to appreciate how difficult nursing school is. Confidence is viewed as arrogance and success is viewed as an attempt to disrupt the system. I was told from the beginning “Nursing school will be the hardest thing you ever do”…to me it seems nursing school is a cake walk in comparison to the people running it and the politics associated with hazing.

[Annisme]

If you quit, they win...

Don't give up!

[caroladybelle, BSN, RN]

Number 1...you fought for your spot, and got what YOU wanted...the chance to be in NS and determined to do this for you.

Number 2...Perception is a tough thing to overcome. Welcome to the world of estrogen. My first semester...I knew nothing, and I knew it. I was very silent, and kept to myself. by the end, I was seen as a possible contender for class president, but it came down to class size....Overall, I feel that if I have something to say, I'm going to say it...but tactfully. Perhaps the instructors feel that you have somehow overstepped your bounds as a student. Pull it back a little?

Welcome to the double standing of being a male. You have to do what it takes to get through...it may hurt, but you have to do it. GL to you and I hope things work out.

I agree with this.

I do not know the OP and we are not "there" to see what goes on.

First, life is not fair and neither is nursing or nursing school. You can talk all you want about "fair" to the PTB, but if they do not like or respect one, it will not help - they still make your life miserable. The same can be said about many nursing workplaces, believe me.

One can be "right" as rain, but if you are heartly disliked FOR WHATEVER REASON, they are those that will make you so miserable that you have to leave for your own sanity.

Second, and take it as I do not know the OP and only have brief glimpses of the OP via this BB post.

If, one or two people say something about you, that you do not feel as true, let it slide. If three or four say something, you may want to review what you do and say a bit.

If, though, a greater number are finding your attitude a problem, then you really need to get someone to help you review your verbal and nonverbal communication skills, if you truly want to succeed in nursing. Because if you have instructors/fellow students/staff getting hostile, well you will probably be having problems with patients. And you never know, you may be sending "messages" out that will give you difficulties in the workplace.

Nursing is a female dominated professions, and women communicate differently. As a woman who used to work in a male dominated company/profession, I had to learn to communicate more like a guy to be taken seriously. This actually caused problems when I started nursing school. The behavior/manner of speaking that made me good in my previous profession, hindered me in nursing.

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PS, the very way you posted your OP, gives the impression of having a bit of a chip on shoulder. If that is coming across in an anonymous BB post.....it probably comes across in person.

[lpnflorida]

I empathize with your what you are going through.

It is a great post. I hope venting helped you to step back, take a breath and hang in there for the next day.

somedays it is what we all do .My daughter reminds me often " Mom, you always said life is not fair sometimes, but it is what we make of it."

[me-too]

Sometimes whether you're right, or not, is not the issue. The issue here is politics. And, possibly your instructor feeling threatened?? (perhaps...)

But, although I didn't get a chance to read all the replies, I haven't seen this said and that is, You Will Find That Politics Will Abound Out In The Real World, too. I don't know if that helps when you feel down in the trenches. So, perhaps what the Dean meant is that part of college is learning how to "kiss butt," because everyone will have to do it in his life at some point and to some degree. (And trust me, it's something I need to get better at myself.)

[CuriousMe]

It doesn't sound like your work deserves the scrutiny that it's getting.

I wonder though if this is a case of communication style rather than content. I know that I run up against that sometimes. I was born in Brooklyn, NY and my natural communication style is pretty direct. I then moved down to the deep south as an adult and suddenly I was considered arrogant and rude. I had to learn a completely different communication style to be effective at all in my professional life (I was a project manager for technology projects).

I consider different communication styles to be tools in my toolbox. Sometimes the southern approach is more useful, but every now and then I still have to pull out my Brooklyn OH and now my very "New York" family considers me to be the family diplomat .

Each organization will have it's own subculture; an organization that is made up predominantly of women, will often use a communication style that is more female than male. I can't give you specifics....but maybe you want to be an observer for a time and figure out how others are getting their ideas across to the group and then integrate some of those techniques into your communication style.

Incidentally, after living down south for about 6 years, I was put in charge of our international projects. It was a great assignment that provided me with some amazing experiences. My time in the south, taught me how to operate efficiently in another culture, so I was able to make a quicker adjustment to other cultures as I went about my business in cities around the world. So, the good news is....that if you can master this, this skill set might help you out other ways down the road.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Melinurse]

It does sound like they have it in for you for some reason. DO NOT let them get to you! Keep working hard. You can't let small minded people affect your dream of being a nurse.

You can do this! You will be so proud of yourself in the end.

:grad:

I agree. It may also be what someone else called it " estrogen bootcamp ". Stick with it. If nursing is your thing, don't give up. After a while you'll have your license & a sense of accomplishment well earned.

[Valasca]

i am sorry that you have gotten to a point that you feel like quitting because of your instructors. someone had mentioned earlier that your post had a slight arrogant tone and i agree. i am not trying to make you feel bad but it is just something that i happened to notice as well. perhaps you are coming across as a know it all to your instructors and don't realize it?

i have notice that people who have an "over achiever" mentality can at times grate on the nerves of others. that being said i am all for pushing yourself hard and holding yourself to a higher standard. i have similar grades and will be starting my adn program this fall.

i am also a self proclaimed over achiever. but there is one thing that i make an effort not to do and that is to not let others (instructors or peers) know that i am usually ahead of the curve (b/c i study like a freak)and know much more than is expected of me. i do this because i do not want others to #1 resent me (there are ppl like that), #2 think they can come to me with every little question (this has happened in previous classes), and #3 i don't want my teachers to think i am trying to act like a know it all b/c they dislike that as much as my peers do.

i know that you have been in your program for awhile but i would like to share some advice my friend gave me about nursing school...perhaps you've heard similar advice....

*when you are in nursing school don't make waves, stay under the radar, and if you can, get harry potter's cloak and become completely invisible.

*know and remember that logic and reason have no place in nursing school (as far as most instructors are concerned) it's thier way or the highway, and black is white and up is down and so on...

*remember that you know nothing even if you do.

*don't think you can have an opinion about anything but if you must share your opinion it had better be the same as your instructors opinion.

*you will not "change the system" any attempts at doing so will only end in you being dropped from the program.

*once you graduate then you can start expressing your own thoughts and opinions but until that day comes you had better shut up, sit down, and be a good little nursing student that jumps when they say jump.

my friend told me to follow these "rules" and i will graduate with no problems.....diviate in any way and the next two years will be hell.

my advice to you is to draw back a little, start keeping to yourself a little when it comes to academic things and act like you don't already know what the instructor is going to talk about. don't answer very many questions in class and when you do answer them don't include a bunch of info the majority of your class doesn't know or your instructor hasn't discussed.

i hope that it has become obvious to you that showing them how smart you are isn't going to score you any points....i am looking for a cloak of invisibility on ebay! if i come across one i'll let you know. :wink2:

[Melinurse]

*When you are in nursing school don't make waves, stay under the radar, and if you can, get Harry Potter's cloak and become completely invisible.

*Know and remember that logic and reason have no place in nursing school (as far as most instructors are concerned) it's thier way or the highway, and black is white and up is down and so on...

*Remember that you KNOW NOTHING even if you do.

*Don't think you can have an opinion about ANYTHING but if you must share your opinion it had better be the same as your instructors opinion.

*You will not "change the system" any attempts at doing so will only end in you being dropped from the program.

*Once you graduate then you can start expressing your own thoughts and opinions but until that day comes you had better shut up, sit down, and be a good little nursing student that jumps when they say jump.

My friend told me to follow these "rules" and I will graduate with no problems.....diviate in any way and the next two years will be hell.

My advice to you is to draw back a little, start keeping to yourself a little when it comes to academic things and act like you don't already know what the instructor is going to talk about. Don't answer very many questions in class and when you do answer them don't include a bunch of info the majority of your class doesn't know or your instructor hasn't discussed.

I hope that it has become obvious to you that showing them how smart you are isn't going to score you any points....I am looking for a cloak of invisibility on ebay! If I come across one I'll let you know. :wink2:

Good advise. Wish I'd followed it whenI was in school.:chuckle