The title doesn't even begin to say how horrible I feel. :-(
I just graduated in May with my BSN. I did very well in school, graduated with honors. I am in my later 30's and this is a second career for me. I was one of the fortunate ones to get a job prior to graduation. I went to work in a large teaching hospital in a surgical ICU. Very very sick patients. I had a capstone and an additional clinical rotation through an ICU and let me tell you, those were like out the door ready for discharge med surg units compared to the level of critical acuity at my new job. I swear I was caring for the sickest of the sick in the entire metropolitan area. Our unit was also an overflow for critical medical and cancer patients so there was no telling what kind of patient I was going to care for each night. Some nights I had a patient with platelets at 5, other nights I had blood shooting out of a fresh arm amputation, and I still have nightmares about the rapid response and code pagers going off.
To say I felt overwhelmed is an understatement. The standard nursing procedure/charting itself wasn't overwhelming.....but the level of acuity and just how unstable and sick these patients was! I took 2 patients per night, and just started my 4th week of orientation. My preceptor is a nightmare. I have been trapped in an "eat my young" relationship with this early 20 something nurse. She is spiteful, vindictive, and downright cruel. I have been tossed around by negative life experiences many times. This preceptor is right up there in the top 3 most miserable experiences of my life. Her tone and demeanor are just rude, cold, snarky, and vindictive. I am new, and I have a lot to learn. But rather than show me how to do something, she just says do it and then if I do it wrong, she calls me out at the bedside. And not in a nice way. She spends hours on facebook and on her cellphone all the while telling me to "figure it out" when I have a question. If she quizzes me on something and I give the incorrect answer, she rolls her eyes with a huffy "no, wrong!" answer. She hauls in a backpack full of personal drama every shift. She has spent the first 2 hours crying to our unit coordinator on two separate shifts. If I follow doctor orders, she finds something else to negate my confidence. If I dare listen to heart rhythm before breathsounds, she shakes her head, says "no, stop. Do that again". If it is time to clean up poop, she is MIA for 20-30 minutes. I am one of 3 new grads, and the other two have great preceptors. Of course I end up with cruella deville.
Every ounce of confidence I had is completely gone. Every ounce of self worth has been tossed out the window. I am so afraid of her and being berated at the bedside that I am third and fourth guessing myself before every thing I do. These are such sick patients that I am so afraid that my fear of my preceptor will cause me to hurt a patient. I am so unsure of myself and scared of her that I try so hard and just end up doing something else that she disapproves of. One shift she disappeared for over an hour. I got caught up on charting. I was preparing to go give the 0100 antibiotic, it was 0110. Well within med admin time window. She spent 5 minutes ripping me down one side and back up the other on how charting is not important and that the antibiotic should have been hanging rather than me charting. THEN she was mad that the med was further delayed because she had to verbally berate me before I hung the med. The next shift I stopped charting to go do a 2200 med pass and she told me that the meds could wait until I finished charting....... jeesh. I cannot win here.
My orientation is 14 weeks. Which meant I had 10 more weeks of dealing with her. Until she shared the other night that the first 12 weeks off orientation we will still be scheduled on the same shifts as she will be my "resource nurse" for those 12 weeks. I was devastated. The only thing that kept me going was the countdown of 10 weeks. When I realized that was not the end, I almost fell apart in the nurses station. To make it worse, this preceptor is also the ring leader of the unit. She is very very careful to treat me like crap when noone else is around. And always makes sure to chart in my weekly eval about how good I am doing. She is BFF with my unit educator. As in, they do spin class every morning and happy hour every weekend. My educator thinks my preceptor is gods gift to nursing. Fabulous. I made a feeble attempt at talking with my educator about my experience and she told me it was just new grad jitters. Nope, this is way more than new grad jitters. I could seriously write a book about the shifts I have with this preceptor. It is deplorable.
So tonight, I was supposed to work. I was physically ill trying to take a shower and get ready for work. Dry heaving, headache, cold sweat, tachycardia....total fight or flight set in. I spend my entire shift waiting for 7am to leave, and when I have days off I spend them dreading having to go back to work. I have zero personal enjoyment whatsoever because the experience at my job is completely destroying my entire life.
So tonight I made a decision. I wrote my resignation letter and I quit. I have wanted to quit for 3 weeks, and I was finally at the point where my mind, body, and heart had to get on the same page and do what I had to do. I feel like a total failure, yet I feel like a 500lb brick has been taken off my back. I realize new grad positions are not easy to get. I realize that I will no longer be eligible to work at this facility, but I think I would rather flip burgers than ever entertain the thought of going back there anytime in my nursing career. I am deathly afraid that I committed career suicide by quitting this job. But at the end of the day, it was either my emotional stability and physical health or the job. Obviously I had to choose my wellbeing. I think it is horrible that the job outlook is so bad new grads would actually stay in a situation like this because of fear of finding another job. I am thankful that I have a PRN job lined up, I have noticed an influx of new grad openings in the past 2 weeks, and I have put my resume out there to hopefully gain another full time hospital job. I realize it may take a while, and I am ok with that. I had to get out.
It is a sad day for me. I regret the situation, mourn the loss of my new grad zest, and I am trying to pick up the pieces and find my self confidence again. I know that with time this too shall pass. I will look back in 5-10 years and laugh with a new grad that I am precepting about what an experience I had, and how I intend to make their experience nothing but positive. Mark one more down in the record books folks......another new nurse completely devoured and spit out by a person in power with a huge ego and zero personal skills.
You are all so amazing......your words have just lifted me up today. It makes me so sad that so many others have this experience. It is just wrong for any professional to treat another like this. :-(
I got a phone call from my manager this morning once she read my resignation letter. She says she wants me to reconsider and stay. She pretty much offered to either switch preceptors, put me on day shift for awhile, or switch to another unit. She said she really wants me to stay on her unit and she is willing to explore the options to making that a positive experience. She was very apologetic about what happened and she was not very happy with the behavior of the devil nurse preceptor. She applauded that I told the truth about why I left rather than making some excuse up and not letting her know what a menace my preceptor has been.
I am pondering my decision this afternoon. I would love to make this work. But I did express to her my worry about how devil nurse would treat me after this little episode. I don't want to fear being around her. The beauty of working 3 12's though is we can try to minimize my exposure to her and the shifts we work together. I am supposed to talk to my manager on the phone later on today to see if we can work out an agreement that satisfies me and the unit.
It was nice to feel respected and appreciated by my manager. I felt bad for her because she was mortified over what I have experienced. She said she felt just nauseated over what I was telling her. She also told me that she doesn't blame me for wanting to quit, as most people would have probably done the same thing.
Well, I will update you all this evening and let you know what becomes of the meeting today. I have mixed emotions about it, and I hope we can figure something out. I hope all of you have a great day---and I cannot thank you all enough for what you posted on here. Truly made my heart shine and brought a smile to my face. You are all great!
I am genuinely happy for that your manager contacted you, asking you to reconsider your resignation. I hope you will be able to return to this position and give yourself an opportunity to gain your experience; of course, given that she puts you with a different preceptor. I don't think there are too many managers who would have gone out of her(his) way to have a new employee who just quit, to come back to the team. That's a really really good sign that she genuinely cares about her team.
In most cases, even if the managers are aware of the problems, they'd not done anything to avoid getting involved.
As for that devil preceptor, if you do decide to go back, I strongly encourage you to not let this person intimidate you again. I know it's so much easier said than being done, however, you can TOTALLY do it. If I can handle bullies, you sure can. If you can get some advice from someone who's in social work, counselling,...or even books on dealing with these so-called difficult people, I'm sure you'll be able to handle these spiteful people at workplace.
You made MY DAY, for sharing this latest news on your case;
I really hope you'll be able to return to that job and work in a safer environment.
I think that is fantatstic that the manger called you and is now not only aware of the situation and willing to do whatever she can to make you feel comfortable and happy, but also is aware of the behavior of your preceptor. I hope you decide to take her up on the offer, and I also hope that you can gain the strength to stand tall if ever faced with this nurse from hell again. If she is not in the position of precepting you, you don't answer to her at all, and you don't need to take any sort of harrassment from her. If she ever attempts to treat you poorly again (which I doubt she will now that she has been exposed), don't take it lying down and report it to the manager immediately.
SO happy for you that this is starting to work itself out!! I think you totally did the right thing, and I applaud you for not remaining in a horrible situation. GOOD JOB!!!
Well.......I am officially on the unit again. I don't know if this makes me back on the unit, still on the unit......lol :-)
The meeting was a mixed bag. I have 2 "managers", I think they both deal with different issues and responsibilities. One of them was very gracious and sorry. The other was kind of a jerk. Kind of took the side of the preceptor and said they had never had problems with her before, blah blah blah, which I understand to be not true. But, I have a new preceptor, I work nights still, and I am supposed to email them with any issues that arise.
All that is left to do is go back in there and be the best nurse I can be. I do know my new preceptor, and she is a real sweetie. If she is half as good of a preceptor as she is a kind compassionate nurse, I am in for a great experience. I am looking forward to having her. I think they will realize as time goes by that I am not a complainer, and that it takes a lot to push me to the breaking point. But when I reach the breaking point, I can't go any farther. I am looking at this as a second opportunity for them to make things right and for me to continue to get the experience I need. I may stay there a long time, and I may end up doing a year and getting out. Who knows at this point which direction it will go. But I feel better about it, and I sincerely hope and think this second preceptor will work out much better.
You are all so awesome here. I am sending all of you hugs for helping me through what has been a pretty dark and depressing 48 hours. Big thanks and kudos to all of you awesome nurses!!! Oh, and I am off to do what was suggested in an earlier post---pedi and a margarita!!
Specializes in Peds Urology,primary care, hem/onc.
VERY happy to hear your good news!! I see it as a very positive sign and a good reflection of how good a nurse you are that the higher ups want you there and are working with you to keep you there. In my situation (see my earlier post) the higher ups encouraged the bad behavior and backed the evil ones up, hence why I was forced to quit. Do NOT let your previous precepter bully you and I would not elaborate on why you changed preceptors if anyone asks you. Good luck! You are going to be great!
Just be careful. If you are still working around your previous preceptor, be careful. I'm quite sure she probably told some people on the unit what happened between the two of you.
I switched preceptors as well and only did I know, both of the preceptors I had from hell were both in the "clique". I later found out they talked badly of me as a person and as a nurse in front of others in the unit after I left. I went straight to their director and told her if I hear another thing from either one of them talking about my nursing skills, I'm going to the BON. Never heard another thing either.
Know when you are off orientation, you will probably have to work with your previous preceptor. Keep it professional and cordial. She may be the type that holds a grudge and will secretly try to find fault in all you do by writing up little things until she has a case. Just be careful.
Here are a few tips to draw a line that you won't tolerate an abuse at work.
If any of the preceptor makes any comments that are abusive, inappropriate, or rude while no one else is there; simply say `Would you repeat what you just said in front of everyone?`
If someone rolls over her eyes right in front of you, you can say sth like,
`Why are you rolling your eye balls like?`
When you show them that you won't put up with intimidation, they normally back-off. I think it's far safer to set up your boundary in the very beginning rather than letting things escalate to the point it causes anxiety or it effects your work.
I am pulling an "all-nighter" tonight so I can sleep during the day tomorrow and return to the unit tomorrow night. I would be lying if I said I wan't nervous! My previous preceptor is working the same shift with me. She has been notified about no longer being my preceptor. My manager told me that she said she understood everyone has different learning needs, and that when the time is right she would like feedback on why she is no longer my preceptor. WHAT?!?!?! I think that was just her way of CYA. She knows exactly what she did. She has lost precepting privileges for awhile now, so at least noone else will have to deal with her for awhile.
My managers have both verbalized to me that they want this kept quiet and do not want people on the unit to know what happened. I have split emotions about that. None of my direct peers know that I put in my resignation, only management and unit coordinators know. They are spinning this as they had to switch around preceptors due to other new grads coming to nights and other RN's joining our unit and needing precepting in the next few weeks. Management was not forthcoming with my old preceptor as to the fact that I originally resigned nor what I said about her behavior. I feel like this is a big sweep it under the carpet and maintain harmony on the unit event. While I appreciate the need for keeping a drama free unit, I also feel a little slighted and that my horrid experience is being diminished and glossed over. I by no means want the work environment to be drama or uncomfortable so I can appreciate the efforts to keep it calm and placid. I just hope that what happened to me isn't being diminished in the eyes of management and that they do acknowledge the changes that need to be made with my former preceptor.
Well, the days of me rolling over and playing dead are over. If I have any further problems, I am taking your advice VW and calling it on the spot. It is what I should have done in the beginning. I am still mad at myself for not standing up for myself sooner. I also plan to stay out of my former preceptors path as much as possible. Barring a code or very emergent situation, I should not have to deal with her much.
So, here goes nothing! I am hopeful this will go good, and I am ready for the first night back to be over. I will definitely let you all know how this week goes. I know I have all of you in my corner giving me strength when I need it tomorrow night! :-)
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
Just want to say I hurt for you just reading all of that - us oldsters sometimes get touchy about the eat your young stuff but yours is a classic case of the real thing. You sound like you will be a great nurse when you are allowed to bloom in the right environment. No job is worth destroying your emotional well-being for. We have other people in our lives who need us and the right to leave work at work (hard when you are new I know) and enjoy the things that recharge the batteries. Best wishes to you. {{ChinupBSNRN}}
I am so happy to hear that things are going better. I hope you thoroughly enjoy your well earned pedicure and margarita!!!! Good luck with your new preceptor, keep us updated!!!!
I wish you luck, please keep us posted. You are one strong person and will be a great nurse. I hope to remember your experience and how to handle it if I ever run into anything like this.
I appreciate the words of caution shoegal and vw.
I am pulling an "all-nighter" tonight so I can sleep during the day tomorrow and return to the unit tomorrow night. I would be lying if I said I wan't nervous! My previous preceptor is working the same shift with me. She has been notified about no longer being my preceptor. My manager told me that she said she understood everyone has different learning needs, and that when the time is right she would like feedback on why she is no longer my preceptor. WHAT?!?!?! I think that was just her way of CYA. She knows exactly what she did. She has lost precepting privileges for awhile now, so at least noone else will have to deal with her for awhile.
My managers have both verbalized to me that they want this kept quiet and do not want people on the unit to know what happened. I have split emotions about that. None of my direct peers know that I put in my resignation, only management and unit coordinators know. They are spinning this as they had to switch around preceptors due to other new grads coming to nights and other RN's joining our unit and needing precepting in the next few weeks. Management was not forthcoming with my old preceptor as to the fact that I originally resigned nor what I said about her behavior. I feel like this is a big sweep it under the carpet and maintain harmony on the unit event. While I appreciate the need for keeping a drama free unit, I also feel a little slighted and that my horrid experience is being diminished and glossed over. I by no means want the work environment to be drama or uncomfortable so I can appreciate the efforts to keep it calm and placid. I just hope that what happened to me isn't being diminished in the eyes of management and that they do acknowledge the changes that need to be made with my former preceptor.
Well, the days of me rolling over and playing dead are over. If I have any further problems, I am taking your advice VW and calling it on the spot. It is what I should have done in the beginning. I am still mad at myself for not standing up for myself sooner. I also plan to stay out of my former preceptors path as much as possible. Barring a code or very emergent situation, I should not have to deal with her much.
So, here goes nothing! I am hopeful this will go good, and I am ready for the first night back to be over. I will definitely let you all know how this week goes. I know I have all of you in my corner giving me strength when I need it tomorrow night! :-)
I could not WAIT to tell all of you about my night last night!
My shift, and my new preceptor, were AMAZING! For the first time, I left work feeling like a human being, not a piece of chewed up meat. My new preceptor is so nice, so smart, and is a wonderful nurse. I cannot even begin to compare my experience with her versus my old preceptor. I actually slept good today, and when I woke up I did not instantly dread having to go to work tonight. That is also a first. For the first time I felt like I am getting the tools and the side-by-side experience that I will need when I am off orientation the end of September. I probably sound like I am rambling here.... I am just so darn thrilled and excited that I am finally getting the experience that I thought I would when I went to work as a new grad. :-)
My old preceptor worked last night as well. Didn't say squat to me for the first 4 hours. But I played the position of kill her with kindness. She sat in her squallor of self pity and misery, as usual, and whined about her personal drama to anyone that would listen. She is a toxic and unhappy person, and I truly hope, for her sake, that she finds a way to turn her life around.
Just wanted to let all of you wonderful people know how great my night was last night!! YAY!
ChinupBSNRN
29 Posts
You are all so amazing......your words have just lifted me up today. It makes me so sad that so many others have this experience. It is just wrong for any professional to treat another like this. :-(
I got a phone call from my manager this morning once she read my resignation letter. She says she wants me to reconsider and stay. She pretty much offered to either switch preceptors, put me on day shift for awhile, or switch to another unit. She said she really wants me to stay on her unit and she is willing to explore the options to making that a positive experience. She was very apologetic about what happened and she was not very happy with the behavior of the devil nurse preceptor. She applauded that I told the truth about why I left rather than making some excuse up and not letting her know what a menace my preceptor has been.
I am pondering my decision this afternoon. I would love to make this work. But I did express to her my worry about how devil nurse would treat me after this little episode. I don't want to fear being around her. The beauty of working 3 12's though is we can try to minimize my exposure to her and the shifts we work together. I am supposed to talk to my manager on the phone later on today to see if we can work out an agreement that satisfies me and the unit.
It was nice to feel respected and appreciated by my manager. I felt bad for her because she was mortified over what I have experienced. She said she felt just nauseated over what I was telling her. She also told me that she doesn't blame me for wanting to quit, as most people would have probably done the same thing.
Well, I will update you all this evening and let you know what becomes of the meeting today. I have mixed emotions about it, and I hope we can figure something out. I hope all of you have a great day---and I cannot thank you all enough for what you posted on here. Truly made my heart shine and brought a smile to my face. You are all great!