Recently, I feel excluded from my co-workers. I am quiet person but I have nothing wrong with people & my job. I overheard them talk behind my back about everything I did, said even if I don't like corn or ham. They joked like I am strange or something. I feel like if we don't gozzip someone, then we will be the one who is talked about.
At work, I have never talked behind someones back because it againt my religion. Then my coworkers assume that I must be the one who spread the word.
Someone suggested me to tell manager and I did. It seems better for 1-2 weeks but after that I am treated badly at work, bullying, dirty look, excluded. Some of my coworkers look nervous if I talk to them.
My friends suggest me to leave the job but I like this job, salary, system here.
Recently, I feel excluded from my co-workers. I am quiet person but I have nothing wrong with people & my job. I overheard them talk behind my back about everything I did, said even if I don't like corn or ham. They joked like I am strange or something. I feel like if we don't gozzip someone, then we will be the one who is talked about.
At work, I have never talked behind someones back because it againt my religion. Then my coworkers assume that I must be the one who spread the word.
Someone suggested me to tell manager and I did. It seems better for 1-2 weeks but after that I am treated badly at work, bullying, dirty look, excluded. Some of my coworkers look nervous if I talk to them.
My friends suggest me to leave the job but I like this job, salary, system here.
What should I do?
Just be indifferent and go about your business,in my opinion you are there to work,not to make friends,hang around with people outside work .Be friendly,polite and nice but reserved!
While I know how hard it can be working with a lot of people who like to gossip, I also don't think that making it a "you vs. them" or "just do your job" thing is the answer. Sometimes people just want to talk and can't find anything better to do, so they gossip. Chances are, they aren't doing it to be hurtful, rather they just have nothing better to discuss. They may not even realize they are doing it.
It has been my experience that first impressions mean a lot in this field, and people get stereotyped based on these impressions. Of course, first impressions are not always accurate. For example, a new girl once asked me what another nurses' "problem is", because she thought this particular nurse was mean and standoffish. Truth is that this nurse is a total sweetheart who just is very wary of new people - trust issues I guess. I told her to find a common thread - she chose her dog - and start talking. Now they are good friends.
It's not worth "taking sides" in this kind of situation. Start small with one or two people - talk about your kids, your pets, your hobbies, etc, and hopefully they will warm up to you. Good luck! We can all use a friend at work! When people take sides against each other, it just creates more stress!
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
This is bullying, plain and simple. This is specifically illustrated by not providing pertinent information, sabatoging people by setting them up, and even the silent treatment. I am not saying that each of these things are happening to you, but it sounds like a great deal of it is.
I do believe that speaking to the manager made things worse, but it is one of those things that are damned if you do, damned if you don't...and I don't believe that you were wrong for doing this. At the moment, deal with the silent treatment and lack of personal interactions because they are not important, however, take a stand on the sabatoge and things that will jeopardize your license and patient care, because sometimes, this behavior continues and becomes more disasterous. I wish you luck, I know it is not easy!!
People can be SO mean. Just ignore those that are rude to you. On dayshift where I work there is a group that refers to themselves as (insert profanity that means female dog) Club. I'm not even kidding. They think it is just hilarious to pick on others, hide other work supplies, rub lotion on doors, place ice packs in chairs, ect. They tied a balloon to a housekeepers car that had a face drawn and then blah blah blah coming out of it because she talks alot. She quit as a result. They think they rule the roost and often times they DO. I won't work day shift because they aren't team players. I prefer my evening shift. We are a smaller crew so we all are friends to an extent. Everyone talks about everyone, that is just life. As someone said earlier sometimes there is NOTHING to talk about so people talk about others. Not a good thing but there isn't any stopping it. Don't quit though! If you like your job otherwise!
Specializes in trauma, ortho, burns, plastic surgery.
Everybody told you that is ok. I will tell you that is NOT. Is abput lateral violence at work place HR need to know about that. If that is happen now will be happen later with someone else. You are a young you don't deserve this. I think at my child ... I would like for her this type of environment.. NO!
So go out from there... talk with manager with HR and goes out from there now when are not so creepy thinks around. Imagine a place where everybody know everybody from almoste 20-30 years long, where majority are friends or relatives... and you are new and not their style! Goes out from there, ASAP! Just my advice until you will not belive that nursing is the worst think that could be happen with you, looool
Being excluded from things happens to me a lot. I am an amateur bodybuilder, and a lot of people (particularily women) seem to think it is ok to poke fun at me in a not so nice way.
In my experience, it is best to just ignore it as best you can, though sometimes it can be quite difficult. I try to be nice to everyone, and I have found that eventually people warm up to me and stop thinking I am a freak. I just happen to really enjoy working out and eating healthy. I don't take steroids or anything like that, I am just really muscular.
It helps to ask a lot of questions about the other person and downplay your own life in the beginning.
"Recently, I feel excluded from my co-workers. I am quiet person but I have nothing wrong with people & my job. I overheard them talk behind my back about everything I did, said even if I don't like corn or ham. They joked like I am strange or something. I feel like if we don't gozzip someone, then we will be the one who is talked about. "
Wow...I have gone through that for the last 3 1/2 years. If you stand for something people don't tend to like you very much. If you have poor character and you like gossip you will be the most liked.
But don't let that keep you from doing what's right. I was accused this week of being too passive by a supervisor. Apparently, I am not outspoken enough for her...at first I was hurt then I started thinking why not take this situation an make lemonade out of it. I feel that the comments are really a blessing in wrapped in ugly paper .
Don't be so moved by what people think that you try to become what they think you should be...as long as you are happy with yourself that's all that matters. People that like to gossip can't be trusted.
My current job was like this for a long time. I went to nursing school partly so I could get out.
One of the perpetrators was an executive's cousin, and friends with the boss. The other had sucessfully sued a previous employer for unlawful termination, so HR was afraid to touch her. She also liked to brag about how much she loved Jesus. Both were vicious gossips who liked to divide and conquer, called out all the time, and "ruled' by intimidation.
Going to your supervisor may not improve things at all. "Killing them with kindness" can make you look like a fool. Just do your job, and don't let them get to you. Try to culitvate alliances in other areas (I don't belive in workplace friendships) and focus on your life outside work.
I agree with leosasha. This poster sounds really sweet and if I'm not mistaken, she sounds like English is a second language for her. It really makes me mad that people are excluding her! It wouldn't happen in my unit because people are very inclusive there.
I agree with llg, it usually backfires to go to the manager.
Hugs to the OP, that's rough to feel excluded and gossoped about. I wish I could help.
Oh, don't feel bad. I feel that way also, a lot of the time -- and then there are times I feel relatively included and get along with certain groups of people, but NEVER am the center of attention as I am also quiet and, frankly, not a b**tch. I am nice. I like myself and my life outside of work -- so I don't go around with an attitude or a need to prove anything.
On our unit, though, we seem to have a group of travelers who NEVER leave -- I swear they've really got something going with the management as many of them have been on our unit 18 months or longer. Anyway, this particular group seems to go out of their way to "rule the roost," sit around, and make sly comments to anyone they don't seem to like. It gets tiring and I'm waiting for the day that we are 100% staffed and can see them leave for good.
I also just ignore a lot of the click-iness, though, enjoy my own life on my off days, try my best to "hang out" with my patient and provide good care to them, to be as professional as possible, and to remain as friendly as possible, even to those who are rude. I must say, though, as a 2nd degree person, I've never seen co-workers as rude and clicky as nurses can be. And in my experience, the MALE nurses are some of the worst!
I've found, with time, that things have gotten better. I have as much right as anyone to work on this unit. I volunteer for extra assignments and I get along with the bosses -- so that's all that matters to me. But, still, I've found that in general, not many nurses even try to get to know you as a person. They seem too self centered -- too worried, stressed about their assignment, their vacation days, or whatever. Many are also hell bent on brown nosing the management as well.
Basically -- it's a workplace, no matter how you cut it -- and at some workplaces, you are not going to make friends. I know that in another year, I'm moving on to a more friendly environment somewhere -- as it does get wearing.
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lovehospital
654 Posts
Just be indifferent and go about your business,in my opinion you are there to work,not to make friends,hang around with people outside work .Be friendly,polite and nice but reserved!