"I don’t know I wasn’t there. I have to remain neutral."

No Stars In My Eyes · May 25, 2022

That is very distressing. I did Home Health on weekends for 9 years. During that time I had an entire family jump on me when I walked in the door! And it was the first time I'd ever been there, met them or the patient! They c/o another nurse, the agency, the times of the visits --- none of which I had any control over. I said, "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I've never been here before, and your case was only opened 2 days ago. Let's start over, okay?" I got them quieted down and was able to do the visit, but it threw me for a loop.

Another time, because I was behind (through no fault of my own) on the 2nd of the B.I.D dsg changes, there was another patient who ragged on me and cussed me all through the whole time I was doing the dsg change. I started crying (I was soooo tired and nothing I said made this guy shut his mouth.) Anyway, I kept quiet, finished everything, had him sign the paper, and left with tears still running down my face. I told the office to NEVER send me back there again. His wife said he had been drinking and he is hard to deal with when he gets like that. No wonder she didn't speak up, she knew it was useless to even try to satisfy him about a-n-y-t-h-I-n-g.

I wonder how long your manager has been at his job? I can't imagine a good manager not taking your word, especially since you're an experienced nurse. Doesn't he know, can't he tell by the way those family members were whining, that they were piling the BS on you?

I hope the wrinkles get ironed out, somehow. All I can do is say *I* believe you!

Nonie76 · May 25, 2022

8 minutes ago, No Stars In My Eyes said:

That is very distressing. I did Home Health on weekends for 9 years. During that time I had an entire family jump on me when I walked in the door! And it was the first time I'd ever been there, met them or the patient! They c/o another nurse, the agency, the times of the visits --- none of which I had any control over. I said, "Wait a minute! Wait a minute! I've never been here before, and your case was only opened 2 days ago. Let's start over, okay?" I got them quieted down and was able to do the visit, but it threw me for a loop.

Another time, because I was behind (through no fault of my own) on the 2nd of the B.I.D dsg changes, there was another patient who ragged on me and cussed me all through the whole time I was doing the dsg change. I started crying (I was soooo tired and nothing I said made this guy shut his mouth.) Anyway, I kept quiet, finished everything, had him sign the paper, and left with tears still running down my face. I told the office to NEVER send me back there again. His wife said he had been drinking and he is hard to deal with when he gets like that. No wonder she didn't speak up, she knew it was useless to even try to satisfy him about a-n-y-t-h-I-n-g.

I wonder how long your manager has been at his job? I can't imagine a good manager not taking your word, especially since you're an experienced nurse. Doesn't he know, can't he tell by the way those family members were whining, that they were piling the BS on you?

I hope the wrinkles get ironed out, somehow. All I can do is say *I* believe you!

Thank you so much. I honestly told my superior I am NOT owning any of this. He was very upset about it but I told him none of it is what happened, and I will not take it. The family ripped me up in front of an audience, NOT ONE person said wait.. she is here to help our dying family member. SOMTIMES.. I really hate this line of work.

No Stars In My Eyes · May 25, 2022

Sounds like your manager has no clue how to actually manage anything or anybody. Useless.

JKL33 · May 25, 2022

I believe you when you say you provided appropriate professional care.

I am a little surprised at your reaction to the scenario overall, though--not that your feelings are wrong, just that the years of experience usually tend to provide a barrier/buffer as we learn not to take others' "stuff" so personally.

I wouldn't take this personally at all, even being told that their perception was that someone else was more thorough than me. They wouldn't know my objectives and don't have the knowledge to be making snap judgements about my competence. So ??‍♀️....whatever. Plus they are quite possibly grieving, a little uncertain about the days ahead, and a bunch of other stuff. I wouldn't be surprised if they all felt quite awkward being there with each other and their dying family member and strangers coming in and out of the house. It's just the way it is. They weren't abusive so let it go.

2 hours ago, Nonie76 said:

The next day my manager called me. He told me the family felt I was rushed. The family felt I was too matter of fact for them. That I didn’t take a temperature. That I wouldn’t provide bathing care to the patient and the worst?? I told them an RN doesn’t put chucks under patients. I answered that I will not own any of these accusations.

This is a perfect time for a ready response: "Their account of the events is not accurate. Given their feelings it sounds like they would feel more comfortable with someone else." That's it. First, it very well may be the truth, and secondly it is definitely (IMO) the correct response to managers who think they have some pious and ethical obligation to "counsel" staff about every damn complaint and that working in that type of hypercritical atmosphere shouldn't affect any of us. They will learn fast to be more discerning in what they burden you with if you calmly and "NEUTRALLY" tell them that it sounds like the family would prefer someone else and you're fine with that.

I hope you can let this go. At the end of the day it just isn't healthy to take most patient stuff too personally.

Take care ~

Nonie76 · May 25, 2022

I think maybe I focused too much on the family and their words to me.. I am more annoyed and put off by the fact the owner of said company my supervisors response…. The family I know were not in the best mind set when I was there. I think I was taking on too much of the feeling of being ganged up on. There were a good number of family members just kinda standing there with hands on hips. I was bizarre and I get that. They don’t know the first thing of what we all do, but our manager does… and the sense of dis belief is a huge red flag.

JKL33 · May 25, 2022

I hear you.

I'm not saying it wouldn't make me feel a tiny bit angry inside, at the supervisor. I'm sure it would. But I have no patience/tolerance for negative energy from goofballs any more, I refuse to subject my emotional well-being to their nonsense. A supervisor is nobody special, just because something comes out of their mouth doesn't make it more hurtful (to me). Depending on the supervisor there's just as good a chance that they're full of baloney as the chance that anyone else might be. I stopped expecting them to support nurses a long time ago.

Just things to think about! ??

vintagegal, BSN, DNP, RN, NP · May 27, 2022

As a hospice RN, I have a set of batteries in my bag just in case. I’m also old school and take manual BP.

sometimes personality conflicts arise with family members. The best thing I can say is that you hear their grievances, apologize, and move on. This doesn’t have anything to do with you but rather the frustration they have with losing a loved one. Let it roll off like water off a ducks back.
also, I’ve never cried at a pts home, I have asked if they would like me to leave, that normally resets the whole interaction.

Career Columnist / Author · May 30, 2022

It sounds hurtful.

Your supervisor was probably trying to do what he thinks a supervisor should do in a "he-said, she-said" patient complaint situation, but like No Stars said, he hasn't a clue. It sounds like a poser response.

Not to justify his behavior, but like the majority of nurses who are promoted to manager, he's likely had little to no training and even fewer skills.

But he could have been more supportive just from a human being point of view.

Nonie76 · May 30, 2022

I agree with you. Thank you for pointing out the manager who is sad to say also an owner of the company is completely lacking in managment woefully so.

On 5/27/2022 at 6:46 AM, vintagegal said:

As a hospice RN, I have a set of batteries in my bag just in case. I’m also old school and take manual BP.

sometimes personality conflicts arise with family members. The best thing I can say is that you hear their grievances, apologize, and move on. This doesn’t have anything to do with you but rather the frustration they have with losing a loved one. Let it roll off like water off a ducks back.
also, I’ve never cried at a pts home, I have asked if they would like me to leave, that normally resets the whole interaction.

Well good for you..FYI the thermometer was actually BROKEN. And Yes, I too carry a manual blood pressure cuff, that was not the issue but thanks for the tips.

Kooky Korky, BSN, RN · Jun 1, 2022

On 5/24/2022 at 6:31 PM, Nonie76 said:

Hello colleagues, I have been an RN for 30 years about half of that is within the field of hospice. The only position I have never done due to no desire is administrator. None the less that is my background in a nutshell.

I was assigned as a CM to a patient that was not doing well. Actively transitioning. The patient was admitted a day before and I was the one seeing them the next day. I arrived to the home with a huge family present in the living room with the patient. I introduced myself and went right into my assessment. My electronic thermometer stopped working. The family all sat in a semicircle and just watched me. One whispered OMG she is going to take the temperature. I advised the batteries may of stopped working non the less I couldn’t take a temp but all other vitals were done. I did a head to toe assessment, asked the right questions to get my data. I even called the pharmacy about some missing items while I was there. I also was asked if I would be bathing the patient and I advise the family our CHHA or hospice aid would be out today to do this. The Chaplain arrived and it was. Full house. As I was wrapping up my visit. I once again was speaking to the audience of staring family members. The patients wife was bedside. I noted when I asked a question I was getting one or two worded answers. Yes, no. Etc. I gave them some resources for reading ( a well known booklet) and advised them to call hospice anytime 24/7.

It was then I had one family member ask me what is the difference between and RN and a CHHA and LVN. They then proceeded to say that I was no where near as thorough as my LVN was! I stated the I am sorry spell and then another family member again reiterated that and added I don’t look like I know what I am doing. It was at that point I picked up my bag. Started having tears flowing and said I will see myself out. Upon that I left. I was at this home 60 minutes.

I notified my manager etc. I explained it what happened and was in tears the entire time. Grant it. I know what I did and I did nothing wrong. I also reiterated that I did a complete assessment enough to fill out our documentation and then some.. so I was there and assessing.

The next day my manager called me. He told me the family felt I was rushed. The family felt I was too matter of fact for them. That I didn’t take a temperature. That I wouldn’t provide bathing care to the patient and the worst?? I told them an RN doesn’t put chucks under patients. I answered that I will not own any of these accusations. I just won't I know what I did. My manager said, “I don’t know I wasn’t there. I have to remain neutral” and that “he was counseling me”. I once again told him I am not owning it… and didn’t feel I did anything wrong. He pushed back and said he doesn’t know for fact and that he will remain neutral.

I am so upset that a manger a director or patient care services does not have their employees back. If I was rush.. would I stay 60 minutes? that is the first BS lie I challenged. I feel like this is something I can’t let go. How can an director not believe an employee with such out to left field accusations?? It does not fit my work, no other patients have every complained about me on this level and the “I don’t know I wasn’t there speel”.

Interesting that you were expecting to be believed just because you are an employee. Many employees are less than wonderful. Some falsify VS, I & O, activities, hygiene, etc. A boss has to have a high degree of, shall I say, curiosity, not blindly trust employees. You might be a great nurse but I'm just saying.

Might have been better to ask the family to excuse themselves from the room while you did your exam. Maybe say you would need to uncover the pt, so anyone who should not see him nude should please excuse themselves?

It is the boss' job to counsel. What exactly was his counsel?

where were your back-up batteries? Why can't a nurse put a chux under the pt?

You might not have felt rushed but apparently someone felt you were. Misperceptions happen all the time in this life. Maybe you could have asked the person why she felt that way. Maybe because you went right into the assessment and didn't make small talk with the family, the wife?

Did you mean spiel?

Why was there surprise about your plan to take a temp?

Good luck going forward.

By-a-thred, RN, ADN · Jun 1, 2022

On 5/24/2022 at 7:34 PM, No Stars In My Eyes said:

Sounds like your manager has no clue how to actually manage anything or anybody. Useless.

And he is more impressed by https://www.pressganey.com/products/patient-experience scores than actual care.