Hello, I am mostly a lurker here. I need some heart-to-heart advice....and I'm sorry if this gets too long. If it's in the wrong section please move it appropriately. Thanks....My mom (58 years young) was diagnosed with stage 4 rectal cancer July 2010. She had a diverting colostomy done July 2010- they could not remove the tumor due to close proximity to the aorta. She did 4 months of FOLFOX with Avastin and Xeloda for 6 months, and palliative radiation for pain. She is now in her 2nd month of FOLFIRI due to the previous chemo/rad not working anymore, and I am pretty certain this chemo isn't working either. The tumor is just so far advanced, and all the chemo really will do at this stage is buy a few months. Last month, her onc asked whether she wanted to try another chemo or to stop tx. She asked us all what we thought she should do, we told her it was up to her and she chose to begin more chemo. She is not ready to "give up" and says she just wants to see her grandkids grow up (ages 8, twins 3, and 15 months.) In reality, that is not going to happen. I knew before she was diagnosed what we were going to find out and what the outcome was going to be. Sadly, I have seen so many patients lately get diagnosed with late stage cancer and spend their last few weeks/months on chemo instead of enjoying their time left. (I had a pt last week with new dx stage 4 cancer, it looked pretty obvious to me that he was actively dying, yet he and his family started chemo. He died this week ) I just don't want us to be the ones in denial, but I don't want to kill any hope that she's got. I feel like when she stops tx she will just give up, though I want her to see that she is indeed still living though not treating. Her pain is increasing as the tumor grows. I see her declining physically- she can't get out of bed due to pain do anything except go to the bathroom. She can't shower well, make food for herself, etc. I just want to say to her "Mom, I think it's time to stop chemo." I don't want her to do it just for all of us who will be left behind. The onc has said she thinks she has between 3-5 months left- that was a month ago. I wish the oncs would sit down and talk more realistically about end of life- though I know a lot of pt's aren't ready to hear it. I am her only kid, and no one else in my family is medically savvy- this burden falls to me. And those 4 kids are mine, I work full time nights, and live an hour away from her though I will move in when her time grows shorter. Any advice from those of you who have been there?